


His Eyes Were Alive With Dreams

by Sassycaslovesdean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Alcohol, Angst, Autistic!cas, Blood, Castiel is moderately autistic, Dean Has Commitment Issues, Dean is a player, Depression, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Gabriel is a protective big bro, Grief, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Cream Shop AU, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Making Out, Mental Disorders, Mental hospitals mentioned, Mild Language, Romance, Schizophrenia, Some death, Supernatural AU - Freeform, This is a seesaw of fluff and angst, Violence, War Trauma, Written for DeanCas summer mini bang, some gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7582972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassycaslovesdean/pseuds/Sassycaslovesdean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a player with a 'love 'em and leave 'em' attitude. Castiel is an autistic college dropout who works at an ice cream shop to pay for his mother's hospital bills. They meet one fateful night, and everything begins to change. Can Cas and Dean show each other what love is? Will they be able to help each other, or will they only end up hurting each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is a finished work that I will try to rapidly publish

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, and I have no rights over Supernatural. If I did, we would have a lot more Destiel. -sassycaslovesdean

\---------------------------

It was a summer night just like any other. The wind blew slightly, but there was a sanctuary inside of the ice cream parlor’s walls. The air outside the shop was tepid, but inside the shop there was a creaky fan that blew methodically in order to remedy the brisk summer air. Castiel was alone with only the incessant tick of the fan as he washed down the ordering counter. The dull lights above him only slightly illuminated the dingy room, which did nothing to make the shop look any more welcoming. It was kind of a sketchy looking place, but yet it gave off a quaint vibe. It was the kind of place that was filled with memories - the kind of place that one goes to dwell on the events of the past summer because the current events were too upsetting to think about. It was a place where one could forget one's troubles, even if it was only temporary. It was almost eight o'clock, and there were not usually many customers around that time. It got to be quite lonely around that time of night, but he had to stay - the shop was open until nine even though ice cream was not particularly popular at that time of night. 

Castiel was left alone to stare into the counter he was meticulously scrubbing. He had been absentmindedly cleansing the counter for the past twenty minutes, and it was now glistening so much that Castiel could see his reflection staring back at him. He paused for a moment as he saw the image of a fatigued man in front of him. He had brilliant blue eyes, but underneath them were rather large dark circles. Fatigue had gotten the best of Castiel in the past couple of months, and it had resulted in a pale complexion with dark under eye circles. The night is almost over. Castiel mentally reminded himself. I'll be able to go home soon.

However, Castiel was proven wrong as the silence was broken by a ‘67 Chevy Impala pulling into the parking lot. He raised a curious eyebrow. It was very rare that somebody came to the shop at that time, yet alone a man in a car of that make and model.

Castiel tried to suppress a shudder as a man in a leather jacket stepped out of the car. He had a rough air about him that gave off an almost threatening vibe. Castiel did not get too good of a look at him from his spot at the counter, but he could make out the outline of the quasi-dark figure. He was a little bit taller than six feet, if Castiel was guessing correctly. He wondered briefly what a man like that calibre was doing at an ice cream parlor at eight o'clock at night, but he knew it was not his business to ask questions of his customers. He preferred it that way anyway; the less talking he had to do, the better. 

Castiel watched as the man stood by the side of his car for a moment, and Castiel wondered if he was even going to come into the store, but then a slightly larger man emerged from the passenger side of the car. Although he was taller, this man did not give off as much of a rugged sense as the other man; just by glancing at him, anyone could tell that he was kind-hearted. The shorter man said something to his taller companion, but it was incoherent from inside the shop. Said store was almost soundproof to the outside world, and that was something that Castiel enjoyed about it. When he was there, he did not have to deal with all of the boisterous commotion.. 

At that moment, however, he did, because the two men from the sixties car were entering the shop. The soft chime of the bell above the door made Castiel put away his washcloth and brush the imaginary dust off of his shirt. He took his place in front of the counter and put on a fake smile. “Hello.” Castiel said in a quiet voice that he attempted to make sound friendly. “How.. may I...help you?” His question was courteous, but his words seemed to drag out as if he had trouble formulating sentences. 

The shorter man muttered something to his companion again, who gave him a scolding nudge in response. “Hey.” The smaller individual said with a bright smile to Castiel. His voice was eloquent and it was filled with a level of charm that Castiel had never heard before. He had only said one word, and Castiel was already impressed by the man's ease with the English language. “Sammy and I are just here to celebrate a little bit.” The shorter man said with a jerk of his head to motion to the taller man, who was not quite a man, Castiel realized now that he had a better look at him. He was a kid, probably about the age of sixteen. It was slightly harder to tell the age of the shorter man, but Castiel assumed that he must be around his own age or maybe a bit older. 

“Uh… are you okay?” The leather-clad man asked with mild concern as he took a step closer to the counter and Castiel. Castiel had not realized that he had been staring at the customers in front of him, and now he felt embarrassed about it. 

“I- I'm sorry… I'm just…Well.. I guess I'm.. Tired.” Castiel muttered. He always did his best not to weird out the customers, but sometimes he did, and he knew when he did. This was one of those times. “I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.” He blurted out frantically in his flustered state.

“It's fine.” The taller man - presumably Sammy - spoke for the first time. His voice had a gentle ring to it, but Castiel did not find it as charming as the other man's voice. “It happens to all of us.” He said in understanding.

Castiel gave him a slow nod. He did not want to risk talking again in fear of scaring them away. 

The man in the leather jacket took a couple more steps towards the counter, and with each step he took, Castiel could feel his heart beat a little bit faster. He got anxious when people got too close to him, and this man was no exception. The man leaned against the counter and looked down briefly at the flavors displayed before him before looking up into Castiel's eyes. His face was within a foot of Castiel's, and that was far beyond Castiel's comfort zone. He could not have noticed from a distance, but the man in front of Castiel had vibrant green eyes. He thought them to be the most beautiful shade of green that he had ever seen. “What do you think, Sammy? You want rocky road?” The man said as he turned back around to face his companion. 

A smile filled the gentle giant's face. “Of course. What else would I get?” The tall man replied sarcastically. 

The shorter man let out a bemused snort. “Right. He'll have a rocky road, and I'll just have a strawberry milkshake.” The man in the leather jacket said in a persuasive voice. It did not sound intentionally persuasive, but it definitely had a gentle air to it that made it impossible to say no. 

Castiel gave him a brisk nod as he turned around to get an ice cream scooper. Relief swept over him as he turned his back to prepare the milkshake and get the bowl for Sammy's sundae. The job became easier when he did not have to look people in the eyes. 

“You don't talk much, huh?” The shorter man said in a lightly joking way with a slight shake of his head. 

Castiel stiffened a little bit. “N-no.” He stuttered. It was true. He did not talk much, but that was for the best. He would just make a fool of himself if he did.

“That's not such a bad thing.” Sammy interjected. “Some people just run their mouths too much.” He finished with a small warning glare to the other man.

“Hey! I will run my mouth as much as I want to.” The shorter man responded defensively as he folded his arms.

Castiel was at a loss for words, but that was not uncommon for him. It was not in his job description to talk to strange men in the middle of the night, but for some reason, he was that night.

The two men were seated at a nearby table and they were talking casually about high school, presumably Sammy's high school. Castiel tried to listen to their conversation without staring at them again. He did not want to creep them out, but he always found interest in his customer's conversations. He did not have many discussions of his own, so he got his enjoyment from listening to other people's. It became a little bit hard to make out what they were saying when he turned on the blender, but as soon as he turned it off, he could hear the words again. 

“It's really not that big of a deal, Dean.” The taller brother with longer hair and a sweet smile said modestly.

“Hey. You got all A's and you finally asked Jess out? Man, that's more than enough to make me proud. Heck, I'm proud of you for staying in school. You always exceed my expectations, Sam, and I'm proud of you.” The words spoken by the shorter man had such sincerity and affection on them that Castiel felt touched. Although he knew that he had nothing to do with that conversation, it still seemed to be a beautiful sign of affection.

Sam blushed softly. “Thanks, Dean. That means a lot.” He said genuinely with a soft smile to the man sitting across from him.

Castiel brought their ice cream over in a practiced silence. He did not want to interrupt their conversation, but if he waited until they were done talking, then he might have waited too long. 

“Thank you.” Sam said with a small gracious smile as Castiel laid the sundae in front of him. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Dean grunted in agreement as Castiel placed the milkshake on the table as well. 

“You're welcome.” Castiel said with the kindest smile that he could muster, which must have come out as obviously weak because Sam and Dean exchanged glances as if asking each other if they should say something.

“Hey, buddy, if you're not doing so great, then Sam and I can just head home, so that you can go home and rest.” Dean offered, his voice cool and nonchalant. 

“N-no. That's okay. I'm okay.” Castiel muttered apologetically. 

Dean raised a curious eyebrow. “You don’t seem okay to me. Really. You should go and get some rest. You look exhausted.” He spoke with such a casual understanding, and it was at this moment that Castiel noticed the fatigue in the man's eyes, not under them, but inside them. His eyes were still a thriving forest of green, but that green seemed to be worn down--not the color, but the essence--and that was how he realized that the man in front of him had been through hardships of his own.

“So are you.” Castiel found himself accidentally blurting out in a serious tone.

Dean regarded him with a straight face. If he was bothered by the comment, he did not show it. “We all are.” He said simply. “In a way, so what makes you so tired?” Dean asked half out of curiosity and half out amusement.

Sam watched as Castiel struggled to find an answer. He was uncertain if he should speak up at that point to save Castiel from having to speak, but Dean was staring at Castiel intently awaiting a reply, so Sam decided it best just to observe for the time being.

“I-I have been working since six in the morning.” Castiel finally managed to choke out. His voice lacked any confidence, and it was actually coated with fear as if he was afraid that his words could make the world cave in on him.

Dean stared up at the fatigued man, who was fidgeting around uncomfortably. He was quite strange in Dean's opinion; he had never met anyone quite like him before. He was a mystery - an unsolved mystery at that, and Dean hated to leave a mystery unsolved, so he leaned in towards Castiel a little bit more, his curiosity peaked. “So what's an attractive guy like you doing working all day at an ice cream shop?” Dean asked so smoothly that it did not seem like the question was even a flirtatious invasion of privacy; it seemed casual.

Castiel blushed deeply and stumbled back a little bit in shock. He could not find the words to respond. His brain felt like it was being drowned as possibilities began to run through his mind, but they all seemed too awkward to say, and Castiel found himself standing in silence with eyes locked to the ground.

A smile tugged at the corner of Dean's mouth. Usually, Dean hated silence and stillness; he much prefered noisy action, but there was something sweet about the pause between them. Castiel looked flustered and confused, and Dean thought it looked cutely innocent. “I get it now.” Dean said decisively. “You don't need words. You can say it all with that beautiful face of yours.” 

The words flowed so smoothly out of Dean's mouth that Castiel had no idea how to respond. This man had all the social skills he lacked and more. This man was flirting with him, and he was so casual about as if it were no big deal, but it was. It was to Castiel. Nobody flirted with him; he was just too awkward, or if they did, they soon stopped when the realized that he was socially impaired. This was the first time that anyone was still interested in him for who he was, and this man hardly even knew him. Slowly, Castiel lifted his gaze to meet Dean's eyes. “I-I… Um… Thank you…” Cas fumbled with the words, but he did mean them. There was something special about having a confident, tough looking man like Dean unashamedly flirt with him.

The smile tugged harder at Dean’s mouth, and he decided to give into it. “You’re welcome, but I’m sure you hear it quite often.” He said with the utmost certainty. Dean gave the straw in his milkshake a slight push as he glanced down at his barely touched dessert. He enjoyed his sweets, but he found Castiel to be quite intriguing, so intriguing that he had temporarily put aside his food. Now, he pulled the milkshake a little bit closer to him and took a small sip from the straw.

“N-no.” Castiel stammered. “No one has ever said that before…” Castiel sounded pleased, almost happy. It was true; no one had ever said that before, and he actually loved hearing it. He had always thought his social anxiety was a problem and a burden, but now, somebody actually liked it; somebody actually liked him and thought that his social awkwardness was cute, and that was the most foreign feeling Castiel had ever known.

Dean’s eyes widened a fraction in genuine shock as he lifted his focus from his milkshake to Castiel. “You’re serious?” Dean asked in a bewildered tone as if the thought that Castiel must have been joking. He could not believe that the man before him had never been told that he was beautiful for who he was. One glance at him, and all Dean could see was a gentle looking man with sweet sky blue eyes and a soft compassionate face. He saw a man with a smile that could light up the darkest tunnel; one that he figured would make all sorts of people just melt in their seats. How could nobody have ever noticed his beauty before?

Castiel gave Dean an awkward nod. Of course he was serious. He was an outcast, and outcasts were anything but beautiful. He was one of society’s rejects, the ones that get sent back to the factory because they were not adequate. He lacked programming. He was not normal; he was strange and awkward, and that was in no way beautiful.

Dean continued to stare at him in disbelief. “Well then you’ve been around all the wrong people. You,” he paused as he raised his pointer finger to Castiel in a overly motivational way, “Are a good man. I can tell just from looking into your eyes. You can tell a lot about a man from his eyes.” Dean began to take on a serious tone, which was rather unusual for his nonchalant personality. “Eyes are a good judge of character. You can see all the corruption and purity in a man’s eyes, and I can tell that you are pure. It just gives you this whole…” He began to wave his hands around as he searched for the right word. “Essence.” He finished pointedly. “Yeah, that’s it. You have this kind essence to you that makes you undeniably beautiful.” Dean finished honestly, or so Castiel thought, but then Dean continued in a smoother voice. “Although, you are undeniably hot too.” Dean added as he shot Castiel a small wink.

Castiel was sure it was a wink that he just gave him. It had to be. He had not imagined it, had he? No. That was definitely a wink. He did not know how to react to any of it. He felt his face begin to brighten in a dark red shade as he stood there fidgeting in his struggle for words. “I… Agree.” Castiel muttered in an attempt to communicate with Dean, but he soon realized what he said and his eyes widened a bit. “I-I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I don't think I’m beautiful or hot. I just agree with telling character from the eyes. I do it all of the time; it's how I keep myself entertained at this job. I see all kinds of people come into this shop, and they’re all different. They all have different stories, and you can read it all from their eyes.” Castiel found himself uncharacteristically rambling to Dean.

Dean put aside his milkshake yet again as he turned his gaze upwards to gaze curiously at Castiel. “Wow. I think that's the most you've said all night.” Dean chuckled in slight amusement. “But that’s really deep. You're smart, aren't you?” He said teasingly.

“I-I don't know if I would say that… “ Castiel began to stammer again, but he found some kind of strange assurance in Dean's gaze that allowed him to continue. “I'm just… Observant.”

Dean nodded his head in agreement. “So I've noticed.” He replied sarcastically. “You really are a strange one.” He said with a chuckle as he teetered his pointer finger at Castiel.

“I-I know that.” Castiel admitted ashamedly. “I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I didn't mean… to bother you.” He muttered with no confidence.

Dean's smile widened now as he let out a genuine laugh. “You're not bothering me. Quite the opposite actually. You are quite interesting. Heck, you're the most interesting thing I've encountered in a while.” He looked Castiel dead in the eyes while speaking to demonstrate his sincerity.

“O-oh.” Castiel mumbled in response. “Surely you've… Found more… Interesting things and people than a socially impaired ice cream scooper?” He began with doubt drenched in his tone. “I mean… You-you… Look like you've seen a lot of interesting things… I mean… Y-you are an interesting thing what with that car of yours….” Castiel dared to glance out the smudgy window at the car parked in the dimly lit lot. It was getting darker, he realized. It would probably be time for the shop to close soon.

Dean's eyebrows raised slightly out of amusement at Castiel's words. “I've seen some interesting things, and that car is one of the best things I have seen, so if you have a problem with my car, you take that up with me.” He replied with a defensive folding of his arms.

“N-no!” Castiel stammered as he took a step backwards. “I didn't mean that. It's just… It's not every day that a 67 Impala rolls into the parking lot.” He managed to say with relative confidence.

“Yeah, well that's ‘cause people don't have good taste.” Dean defended his car again with his sassy attitude.

“It's kind of an old taste.” Castiel said neutrally.

Dean leaned backwards in his seat slightly as if he had been attacked. “Hey! I'm not that old!” He quickly retorted. “Besides,” He began in a calmer, less defensive tone. “I prefer old-fashioned anyway.”

A small smile crept onto Castiel's face. “So I've noticed.” He repeated Dean's earlier words and imitated his previous attitude. It was the twenty-first century, and a 67 Impala was a rare sight. The uniqueness of the car just said things about Dean's personality. It was a slick, old fashioned looking vehicle, but it still worked. It had probably seen its fair share of troubles, but it concealed its scratches well. Most people would not expect it to still be running, but it appeared to be in perfect condition, and Castiel had seen it pull into the parking lot effortlessly. He only wondered how much life the car had left in it.

Dean's smile returned to his face when Castiel repeated his words. “Yeah?” He said as he tracked Castiel's gaze to the car. “Do you like her? She's a real beauty, and I wouldn't replace her with any other car, no matter how new.” Dean spoke the way that a proud parent would speak when their child gets his or her diploma. 

“It is a nice car.” Castiel conceded. It was a nice car. There was something about it that was alluring, which made him decide that it suited Dean.

“Yes she is.” Dean responded fondly, but his admiration of his car was interrupted as realization came crashing down on him. “I don't even know your name.” 

“Oh.” Castiel said in realization. “It's Castiel…” He muttered.

“Castiel.” Dean experimentally tried the name out. “Castiel.” He repeated. He liked the way the name slipped off his tongue. It sounded… right. He was not sure how else to put it, but he felt as if that was a name that had been carved into his very soul, just waiting for him to find it someday. “Talk about strange, but… I kind of like it.” Dean said as a small smile emerged on his features.

Castiel felt a matching smile spread across his face. “Thank you. It's the name of an angel. My brothers and I are all named after angels.” He replied with more confidence than he had really ever had before. 

“Brothers, huh?” Dean asked with amusement as he turned his attention to Sam, or at least where his brother used to be. Apparently, Sam had gotten up some time ago and was now in the corner of the ice cream shop with a book in hands. He had moved to give Dean and Castiel a little bit more privacy. He did not want to get caught up in Dean's flirting. 

Dean motioned for Castiel to sit down in the chair across from his where Sam used to be sitting, and Castiel silently complied. “How many?” Dean asked simply when Castiel had taken his seat.

It was such a simple question, but it meant so much to Castiel that somebody actually cared enough to ask him about his personal life. “Two. Their names are Gabriel and Michael.” Castiel responded naturally. He was beginning to feel comfortable around Dean, so he was tripping up his words a lot less. 

Dean nodded as he pulled his milkshake back to him and began to sip casually from it again. “So,” he said as he lifted his head from his milkshake. “Where are these brothers of yours? You said you've been working here since six in the morning, so why haven't they come to help you here?” Dean was aware that the ice cream shop was a family run business. That was why he and Sam had gone there specifically - to support a local family, but it sounded almost as of Castiel ran the place all by himself.

Castiel's gaze lowered and he found himself staring fixedly at the table. “I-I… Well… They..” He found himself struggling for his voice again. Calm down. It's just a question. Nothing to worry about. But thinking those things only seemed to make his anxiety worsen. Castiel looked nervously up into Dean's emerald eyes, and there he found some strange sort of strength. “My oldest brother, Michael, is in the army. We haven't heard from him in a while, and Gabriel…” Castiel trailed off as he pondered how much information he should really be revealing to a stranger. Ideally, he should not be giving out any, but there was some strange kind of assuring element to Dean that made Castiel inevitably trust him. “Gabriel works a lot. Anywhere that he can get good money. He works as a janitor at the local high school.” Castiel said thoughtfully. It was true, all of it. He worked the shop alone on most days, so he had to drop out of school temporarily. It was just until his mom got better; that's what he kept telling himself. Gabriel helped when he could, but Gabriel was always picking up all sorts of odd jobs to try and pay the bills.

“Janitor, huh?” Dean said incredulously. “That doesn't sound like good money to me.” He scoffed.

If anyone else had said it, Castiel would have thought it to be extremely rude, and it probably was to anyone except Castiel and Dean, but to Castiel it was a simple truth. “It's not.” He stated darkly. “But it's better money than I make here, and we need all of them money we can get…” Castiel trailed off as he realized what he was saying. He had never talked about this before with anyone other than his brothers, and now he was telling this emerald eyed stranger? Something was special about that encounter, but Castiel could not quite say what.

Dean's eyebrow twitched in curiosity. He wanted to know how that sentence ended, but he did not want to pry into Castiel's personal life too much. He mentally debated on continuing or changing the subject, but his curiosity got the best of him, and he asked in the most gentle voice he could manage, “Why do you need the money so badly?” 

Castiel felt as if he were talking to a therapist and venting about all of his problems. Dean's voice had taken on a cautious tone, and Castiel admitted that he appreciated it, but it was still a very touchy subject. He cleared his throat. He needed this to come out strong. He could not fumble with his words again. He was going to say this, and he was going to say it right. “My mother… She's sick. She has cancer. She's very far along…“ Castiel could feel his voice began to waver from emotion, but he tried harder to keep it steady by clenching his fists into tight balls. “We… Have to pay for her hospital bills somehow.” He managed to finish without a total voice crack. His voice ebbed with emotion, but he had done it. His voice was clear and remotely steady.

Dean leaned forward slowly and rested a hand on top of Castiel’s delicately and gave it three small comforting taps. Castiel was flustered by the touch, but even more unsettling was the sincere smile Dean was giving him. It was not fake; it was completely and entirely real. And it was that moment that Castiel understood. “You lost someone, didn't you?” Castiel found himself asking without thinking about it. “You understand.”

Dean pulled his hand away from Castiel’s out of shock. What is he, a mind reader? How…? “What… I…” Dean found himself stumbling in his words now. “Jeezum it's contagious.” He teased lightly as he tried to regain his composure. “I did.” Dean stated bluntly. “My mom.” He added in a softer tone. “In a house fire, when I was a kid. My dad… Well, let's just say… He's not around a lot, so it's just been Sam and I against the world.” He seemed mildly nostalgic, but he tried to hide it by taking the last few sips from his milkshake.

“I'm sorry.” Castiel blurted out awkwardly, but at least it was sincere. He meant that truly. Dean knew what he was going through, and he was sorry that anyone else felt the way that he did.

Dean waved his hand at him dismissively as he shoved aside his empty milkshake glass. “No problem.” He grunted. “So, tell me about these brothers of yours. They good guys?” Dean changed the subject to something that they were both clearly more fond of. They both had no fathers to be seen and mothers who welcomed death, but they both had their brothers, and that seemed like a good thing to focus on.

Castiel smiled slightly at the prompt to talk about his brothers. He had always envisioned himself talking to people. He had imagined all the things he would say and all of the people he would fascinate, but he had never had the courage or the social skills to do any of it. “Well, there's Gabriel. He’s… My closer brother. I don't mean that Michael and I aren't close, but Gabriel and I just… Click.” Castiel glanced up at Dean to make sure that he followed his rambling. Castiel was not used to rambling, and he was unsure if he was even being coherent, but the nod from Dean confirmed his coherence, and so he continued. “Gabriel loves pranks, or I suppose he loved them. It was a phase when he was a kid, but he still enjoys them now. He's always been really fun, and sometimes he picked on me, but not nearly as much as Michael did, and when Michael teased me too hard or hurt me, Gabriel would always defend me.” Castiel had never said any of that before to anyone, and he was uncertain why he was saying it then. Perhaps, he had held his thoughts in for too long out of fear of them being rejected.

Dean smiled warmly. “Sounds like you've got yourself a good brother there. The other one… Michael, right?” He looked up at Castiel for confirmation, which Castiel provided in the form of a quick nod. “Sounds like he has some improving to do.” Dean grunted.

“H-he’s not that bad.” Castiel chimed defensively. “He's still my brother.” He said that as if he wished it could be changed, and that made Dean wonder how many times Michael had physically assaulted Castiel and how many times that Gabriel had not come in time. Dean tried and failed to hold back a cringe as he remembered finding out that his father had beaten Sam. John had beaten Dean before, but as soon as he lifted a finger to Sam, Dean had had enough. They had left their house that day, and Dean had been trying to support Sam ever since. Luckily enough, Sam was a smart kid, and he was definitely going places, and that gave Dean hope.

Castiel saw the distant look in Dean's eyes and he knew it all too well. It was the look of a man who was remembering something tragic but oddly endearing. Dean was lost in his subconscious, much like Castiel was when he worked the ice cream shop. The world was such a noisy place, and Castiel simply drowned it out. Thoughts could drown anything. They were so welcoming, but yet so dangerous. Castiel gave Dean about a minute of respected silence before shyly asking, “what about your brother?”

Dean's gaze had fixed itself upon the wall in his trance, but now he turned his gaze back to Castiel as he pondered the question momentarily. “Sam? Well, Sam's a good kid. He's going to go to law school, and he's going to get a full ride; I just know it. The kid's brilliant, way smarter than I am and nicer. That kid, I'll tell you, that kid is just a ray of sunshine.” Dean said with a fond smile as his eyes began to move towards the corner of the room where Sam was silently and patiently reading a book. “Better than I ever could have hoped for him to be.” 

Castiel could not help but to smile back. The way Dean looked at Sam was much like the way that Gabriel looked at Castiel. There was so much kindness and endearment, and you could just see it in his eyes. Dean loved his brother, and Castiel thought that was beautiful. “But that's because of you… Right? “ He sounded uncertain, but he had meant to compliment Dean. He internally cursed at himself for messing up yet another time.

Dean's eyes were snapped away from Sam because of Castiel's comment. He had never thought of it that way before. He had only felt responsible for all of the bad things that Sam had to face because of him. “I don't think so. I can't make Sam who he is. He did that himself.” Dean refused to take credit for the good person that Sam had become. He did not feel like he deserved it.

Castiel's head tilted in confusion and his eyes narrowed. “B-but you allowed him to grow up this way. Didn't you... Give him the love that he now shows. We can only love others if we have been shown love through another, and I think that he learned it from you.” Castiel had begun a little bit unsure, but once he found his voice again, he was able to speak clearly and confidently. 

Dean absorbed the image of the man in front of him along with the words he had just said. I taught Sam love? He found the thought a little bit hard to believe, but then again, who else could have? Not their mother, she died when Sam was a baby, and it certainly was not their father. “I-   
I... Thank you.” Dean stammered as he fought to find the proper words to thank Castiel. He has never realized how important to Sam he really was before. “You know, you're one smart kid.” Dean teased with a small chuckle.

Castiel felt his cheeks begin to turn red. “I'm not a kid.” He protested weakly. “I'm twenty years old. I'm going to go to med school when I graduate, and then I'll be a doctor. Doctors are not kids.” He imitated Dean's sass because he found it easier to pretend to be someone else, somehow, that made talking easier.

Dean's eyes widened in astonishment. So Castiel was his age. He had assumed so, but he was unsure up until that point. “Doctor, huh? That's quite a lot of science. Do you like science?” Dean sounded like a guidance counselor, trying to make sure he made the right choices.

“Yes. Science is my favorite subject.” Castiel stared at Dean as if he were a strange foreign object. Castiel loved science, and he could not believe that Dean doubted that he could like science. “Why do you ask?” He had more and more confidence with each time that he spoke to Dean, and now his voice was unwavering.

“Nothing. Science is just not my thing.” Dean replied indifferently.

Sam heard a gasp of horror followed by a lot of scientific theories and the such from the corner of the room. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. Dean was listening intently, occasionally interrupting to make a sarcastic comment our burst out in laughter. Castiel seem so content to be there talking to Dean, and the same went for Dean, that Sam hated to make them have to say goodbye, but they really had to get home. It was nearly eleven o'clock, and Sam did have school the next morning. With a sigh, he got up from his table to go and intervene. He hated being the bad guy, but somebody would have to do it. Slowly, he walked over to the two men, who were entranced in a conversation. Castiel was talking about school and his hopes for his future passionately. 

“And my mom will get better because I'm going to find a cure for her, and it will work. I know it will, and then Michael will come home. Gabriel won't have to work so much, and my family will be back together.” He ranted happily, and Dean was listening intently while nodding his head in agreement. He was staring into Castiel's sky blue eyes, where he could read all of his excitement. This was a plan that Castiel had had for a long time, but he had never told anyone before, and now, he was telling someone who cared. Dean did care. That much was evident by the way he was staring at Castiel. He had a half smile on his face as he watched Castiel talk, as if his excitement was contagious. Dean looked so happy in that moment; they both did, and Sam felt awful for interrupting it, but Dean had to go to work tomorrow, and so did Castiel. 

“Ahem.” Sam coughed, catching the attention of both Castiel and Dean who both turned their gazes to him wide eyed like deer in a headlight. Sam shot Dean an apologetic smile, but Dean hardly seemed to notice. He was just pulled out of what seemed to be a different world, and the same went for Castiel. They had not been in an ice cream parlor that entire time; they were inside of each other's eyes, and they had managed to lose themselves in the process, and now they were pulled back to reality by Sam’s interruption.

“Mmm… yeah, Sam?” Dean said with a few slow blinks as he readjusted to that reality. 

“Uhm…” It took Sam a moment to recollect his thoughts because he was a little bit shocked by how deeply involved in the conversion both Dean and Cas were. He cleared his throat in attempt to make his words clearer. “It's getting late, Dean. We really should be heading home.” Sam sounded like he almost regretted saying it.

“Oh.” Dean said with disappointment. He glanced over to the clock at the wall and read eleven o'clock. “I guess you're right.” He said blankly. With a smile, he turned to Castiel. “Time flies by when you're having fun.” He said jokingly, but it actually had. Dean had not noticed that they had been in the shop for over two hours, but he had gotten lost in Castiel's eyes, and that made all time irrelevant.

Castiel turned crimson red, and nodded simply in response. “I-it was fun. I enjoyed speaking with you.” He stuttered.

“Me too.” Dean said earnestly. “Let's do it again sometime.” It almost sounded like a question, but it was not. It was a statement. It was as if Dean was too afraid that the answer would be no, so he did not allow Castiel to give an answer, but this all caused there to be an almost pleading sound to his voice.

“I would actually… Really like that.” Castiel managed to choke. He definitely wanted to talk to Dean more often. He had found something in Dean like he had never found before: confidence, and he found that he really enjoyed it.

“Alright. I'll see you later.” Dean replied smoothly as he gave Castiel a small wink and turned to leave the shop with no further words. The only sound was the small chime of the bell above the door. 

Sam stood and watched Dean leave for a moment. He was not used to seeing Dean like that. Usually Dean was all parental or all fun: there was no in between, but now… He was something else entirely, and Sam could not quite say what. “It was nice meeting you.” Sam said briefly to Castiel before following Dean out the door, leaving Castiel all alone yet again with only the incessant ticking of the fan on that increasingly humid summer night.

\--------------------------

“So… Are you going to tell me what happened in there?” Sam teasingly pried for information from Dean as he sat in the passenger seat of the gently rumbling Impala. 

“What is there to tell?” Dean replied casually while keeping his gaze locked on the road.

Sam’s eyebrows lifted in amusement as a smile tugged at his lips. “Really?” His voice was drenched in sarcasm. “That was definitely not nothing. Dean, I haven't seen you look at someone like that since…” Sam trailed off as he tried to remember the last time that he had seen Dean look at someone like that, but he could not seem to recall one. Usually, Dean was not interested in long term relationships. He could not really maintain one with his lifestyle. He worked all hours of the day, and all of his money went to taking care of Sam. All of his energy went into that one task, so he did not really have the energy left over for an actual relationship. Plus, it just was not his style. That was not the way that Dean Winchester rolled. 

Dean said nothing in response because his mind was flowing with thoughts. He was unsure of exactly what had happened in that ice cream shop, but it was something special. It was not just a quick and meaningless flirtation; it was something more.

“Did you give him your number?” Sam asked slyly when he noticed that he had hit home. 

Dean took his eyes off of the road to give Sam a small almost menacing glare. “No. No I did not.” He said simply without much emotion.

Sam raised an incredulous eyebrow. “But you give your number to anything that breathes.” He replied with sarcasm and a semi-disguised shock ebbing from his voice. “I thought for sure with the way that you were looking at him…” 

Dean shook his head dismissively. “It didn't feel right.” He said simply. That was really the only way to put it. Castiel was socially anxious, and talking on a phone was probably just more uncomfortable than talking in person. Dean hated to admit it, but Sam had a point. He did flirt with anyone who he considered to be remotely attractive, and he did have a habit of giving out his number, but he did not want to do that to Castiel. He would not tell Sam, but Castiel seemed too special to degrade him into another one time flirtatious banter. Dean prefered to keep his feelings to himself, and this was no exception. “And I don't think that's true.” Dean defended himself with little enthusiasm. “I only flirt with the cute ones.” 

“Right.” Sam said with a sarcastic lift of his eyebrows. “I saw you leave something on the table.” He confided. “What was that?” He asked sarcastically.

Dean stiffened slightly. “It… Was a tip. He needs all the tips he can get.” He mumbled somberly. 

“How much did you give him?” Sam asked curiously. Dean usually tipped waiters and waitresses with tips of winks, sweet talk, and the such, but apparently he had given an actual tip to the strange young man in the ice cream shop. 

“Not enough.” Dean muttered bitterly. He wanted to do more for Castiel; he really did. He seemed brilliant, and he could not go to school because he had to try and keep his mother alive, and his brothers seemed to hardly be around. He needed all of the help that he could get, but the unfortunate thing was that Dean could not afford to help him anymore than he had.

Sam was denied any further discussion of the topic as Dean turned on his classic rock station to drown out the surrounding world, leaving the Impala to rumble onwards in a forced silence.

\---------------------------------

Dean came over to the shop every night after that one. It became almost a routine. Dean got out of work at eight o'clock, and he would drive over and order something, or on some occasions just sit there and talk to Castiel. It was usually quite empty when Dean came into the shop, but when a customer came in, he patiently let Castiel take care of the customer.

“You really like cats then?” Dean asked with amusement ringing in his voice. He was seated at a booth to the side of the ordering counter, and he was talking to Castiel, who was scrubbing down the counter diligently.

“Yes, Dean. Cats are pleasant creatures. They don't ask for much. Why? You… Don't like them?” Castiel asked while focusing on a drop of ice cream that had hardened on the counter. He increased his force on the structure as he began to wrestle with the surface’s imperfection.

“They're okay I guess. They're cute and all, but I'm kind of allergic.” Dean said cooly with a shrug. 

“Oh.” Castiel said as he looked up from the counter in realization. “That's too bad.” He sounded as if he truly pitied Dean because of his lack of medical tolerance for cats. “I want a cat someday.” He found himself blurting out. “Yes. I want a cat - a nice one too, really fluffy and sweet. I want a cat that will just sit with me and let me hold it, and it will not ask me to do anything that I'm uncomfortable with.” Castiel said firmly.

Dean nodded his agreement. “So cats are your spirit animal,huh?” He let out a small laugh as Castiel gave him a shy nod in response. “That's nice. Yeah, that's real nice.” Dean said approvingly. He paused for a moment. He had wanted to do this before, but he had been afraid of scaring Castiel away. 

“Cas…” Dean had gotten accustomed to calling Castiel by that nickname, and Castiel had said that he ‘could learn to not hate it.’ “I… Well… Heck, I've never been this nervous about this kind of thing before…” Dean said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, which earned him a curious gaze from Cas. He never had had a problem with this before, but this was different; this was Castiel Novak, and that made all the difference. Dean cleared his throat before he continued. “Would you like to go out sometime?” He let the words spill out of his mouth as he turned all of his focus to Cas. 

Castiel had to force his mouth not to drop open. No one, not any one, had asked him out before. Being wanted was a new feeling to Castiel. Who would have wanted him around anyway? Why would anyone in their right mind want to go out with someone as socially impaired as him? He could not understand it. Sure, he could understand mitosis and osmosis, but understanding Dean Winchester's desire to actually go out with him on a date…? That seemed impossible. It could not happen, not even in his dreams. Dean was a rugged, sly looking man, and Castiel had admitted to himself that he found him to be rather attractive; he could have anyone that he wanted, but he was asking out him? “W-what?” Was the only word Cas could manage to blurt out in his state of shock.

Dean tried to hide his disappointment, but his voice was still edged with hurt. “Oh. Well, If you don't want to, that's fine too.” He tried to sound as neutral as possible with a small indifferent shrug.

“N-no!” That was not what Cas had meant at all. “I was just surprised. I mean…. Why me?” Castiel asked seriously. He needed to know, and he wanted to too. If there was something worthwhile in himself, Castiel wanted to know what it was. 

Dean's face distorted slightly with thought while his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed only the slightest bit. “I guess I just really like you.” He said honestly without trying to over dramaticize the event. He did not want to lose his collected composure, and so far, he was maintaining it pretty well.

Castiel was shocked into silence for a brief period of time. How do I respond to that? Does he mean that, or am I just another stop on the bus? “Really?” Castiel asked skeptically.

Dean let out a chuckle of amusement. He knew what this meant. Cas was doubting him. Of course he is. I mean, I would too. I guess I do give off that player kind of vibe. That meant Dean would have to prove it to him, and that meant dropping his cool attitude, but even worse, it meant expressing emotion, which he preferred to keep to himself because he felt that no one else needed the burden of his feelings. “I…” He tried to find the words to phrase his statement without it becoming a chick flick moment, which he despised with every fiber of his being. “You're different, okay? I mean, heck, as soon as I first looked at you, I knew there was something different. There's just something about you that sets you aside from everyone else that I've ever been with.”

Castiel absorbed his words and pondered them momentarily. He could not believe it. He knew that he was different, but he had never thought that to be a good thing. Now it was? Now Castiel gave Dean some sort of different feeling, and that was why Dean was so interested in him? Interested in me. Dean is interested in me. This ruggedly attractive man is interested in me… But… That's not right. This must be a dream. Castiel began to shake his head as if he were trying to wake himself up. This would never happen. Who would want me? I'm useless, a reject, and a good for nothing. Why would he want me more than any of the other people he could possibly have? “Y-you… I…” Castiel stammered as he tried to find the words to respond, but he could not. The whole thought was entirely new to his brain, and he did not know what to do with it.

Dean leaned into the booth to get closer to Cas. “Hey. Look at me.” He commanded patiently but firmly.

Slowly, Cas turned his gaze to Dean with confusion and distress clear in his gaze. Dean read his eyes and gave an understanding nod. “I do think you're interesting.” He assured him. “And I am real.” He added in a joking tone. “And I do like you.” He finished smoothly as he leaned back from the booth counter with a sly smile.

“I…” Castiel was astounded. It is true. This is real. No matter what he said to himself, it did not seem real. Even if it is fake, I might as well enjoy it while I have it. “I like you too.” Cas managed to say with a fair share of confidence, but his voice was still soft, and Dean figured that it always would be, but he did not mind; he actually liked it; it sounded sweetly innocent. 

“Good.” Dean said with a triumphant grin. “I'll come by after work tomorrow, and we can go out after you close up shop.” He replied without any hesitation as he stood up to leave.

“Wait, Dean.” Cas said as soon as he saw Dean get up. “Do you have to go already?” He sounded like a child who did not want to go to sleep - pleading and almost whiny.

A smile spread across Dean's face when Castiel said his name. There was nothing quite like the way Cas said his name; he said it like it would be the last time he could ever say it, and it felt so endearing. Dean glanced up at the clock pretending to check the time. He did not care what time it was. He was not going to leave Cas if he wanted him to stay. “I guess I could stay a while longer.” Dean said decisively after a few moments staring at the clock. 

Castiel soon had a smile to match Dean's as he realized that Dean did care. He could have been any where at that moment, but he chose to be there with him, and that made him happier than most anything he could remember.


	2. First Date

“You mean to tell me that you have a date, and you didn't mention it until now?!” Gabriel berated Castiel as soon as Cas explained to him where he was going that night, or rather, who he was going with, since he did not yet know where Dean was taking him.

“I didn't think you would want to know this badly.” Castiel stated simply.

“You didn't think…?” Gabriel took a calming breathe. He was about average height, measuring at 5’8, but his whole build made him seem small. He was mature; there was no doubt about that. He had to be after all they had been through in their recent experiences, but he seemed to be wearing thin. Although he was thinning physically, he had that same essence of fatigue about him that both Dean and Cas had. “Of course I want to know, Cassie. I care about you, and I just want to make sure that I'm not letting you go off with some weirdo.” Gabriel explained his reasoning behind his miniscule outburst. He had not meant to shout at Castiel; he knew that Cas hated shouting, so he always tried hard not to, but Castiel had taken him by surprise. Gabriel had never met this man, and while he loved Cas, he could not entirely trust his judgement. Castiel was not very skilled with social situations, so determining this mystery man's intentions was not in his skill set.

Cas felt himself bristle slightly when Gabriel referred to Dean as a ‘weirdo’. “He's not. I promise.” Castiel said firmly, clearly forgiving Gabriel for earlier. He understood now. That was the thing. He and Gabriel did not really have to talk to understand each other; they just did. They had a connection, and Castiel was glad that they did because Gabriel was the only one who understood him up until that point. Now, Dean was in the picture, but where…? 

“Alright. You can go if…” Like a strict parent, Gabriel emphasized the ‘if’. “I meet him first.” 

“I don't see why not.” Castiel muttered half to himself. Dean would get out of work that night and then he would come to the shop and talk to Cas until the shop closed, then Dean was taking him somewhere, the location of which was still unknown. “He will be at the shop at eight o'clock, but we won't leave until nine thirty…” Castiel informed him.

“Great. I'll cover your shift if I think he seems like a decent guy.” Gabriel reported back. 

Castiel opened his mouth to protest. Gabriel did so much work as it was. He never stopped working; he couldn't. They needed the money, and Gabriel didn't want Cas to have to take on too much. “B-but… You…” Cas tried to argue, but he could not find the words. His brother was being so gracious and protective that he felt it wrong to refuse, but he did not want Gabriel working more than he had to. “You don't have time for that.” Castiel grumbled with concern edged into his voice.

Gabriel smiled sincerely as he slowly put a hand on Castiel's shoulder. “I'll always have time for you, little bro.” He said earnestly. 

Usually Cas would freak out that someone was that close to him, but there had nearly always been an exception for Gabriel. He was kind and nurturing, and Castiel naturally did not mind being close to him because of it. “Thank you.” Castiel murmured as he returned his brother's smile.

\------------------------

Dean entered the ice cream shop that night dressed in one of Sam's button down shirts - he did not have one of his own because his clothes were less formal than Sam's - but he still wore black denim jeans and his leather jacket to maintain his style. The shirt did show that he was making an effort to look nice though. He strolled casually into the ice cream shop and was greeted by the usual chime of the bell above the door, but he was frozen still when he saw Gabriel at the ice cream counter instead of Cas. Confusion overtook his face for a moment as Gabriel looked him up and down. 

“You must be Dean.” Gabriel stated neutrally as he continued to analyze Dean's character by his appearance.

“Yeah, but who the heck are you?” Dean replied with sarcastic confusion. “And where's Cas?” He added as he began to search the shop for his date, but Castiel was nowhere to be seen.

“He's getting changed.” Gabriel answered dismissively. “That's not what's important. You see… I'm his brother-”

“Gabriel?” Dean interrupted. He was relatively sure that it had to be Gabriel because Cas had said that his other brother was off in the army and would not be home for a while.

“That's me.” Gabriel said with a small smile. “But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I want to talk about you.” He was talking like a principal speaking to a student who had arrived to school late a few times too many. 

Dean lifted a curious eyebrow. “What about me?” He replied semi-sarcastically.

“What do you want from Castiel?” Gabriel asked straightforward as he took a step in closer to Dean to look him in the eye as if to determine his honesty from his gaze alone.

Dean snorted in amusement at the question. “Hopefully not more than he can give.” He said jokingly, but he dropped his facetious tone when Gabriel's gaze hardened into a glare. “I'm not sure.” He answered more honestly. “I just… Really don't want to mess this up. Cas is… Something special.” 

Gabriel stared into Dean's eyes for a moment more. They rang with sincerity, and it was near impossible to think that Dean was lying. Gabriel pondered it for a moment. He seemed like he had good intentions, but could he really trust him? “I suppose I'm going to have to believe you… For now. But if you so much as lift a finger to hurt him-” Gabriel began in a protective tone, but was interrupted by Dean waving his hand at him dismissively. 

“You’ll kill me. I know. I have a little brother too.” 

Gabriel gave him a knowing nod before turning to the back door to give it a small knock. “You done yet, Cassie?” 

“Yes.” Cas stated as he awkwardly emerged from the back room of the ice cream shop. He was in jeans and a blue button down shirt that complimented his eyes, and he looked very nervous. His hands were trembling, but he had clenched them into fists to try and hide it, but it did not stop Gabriel from noticing since he was right next to him. 

“Cassie...” He said softly as he placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder and gave him a reassuring nod before turning back to the ice cream counter.

That was exactly what Cas needed to get him through the night. Gabriel had just assured him with one word that everything would be alright. Evidently, Gabriel must have agreed to let Dean take him out, and that thought alone was enough to excite Castiel. He couldn't even imagine what the night would have in store for him.

Gabriel had pulled up a stool, and he was now sitting with his arms folded and his feet on the counter. “What are you two waiting for? Go before I change my mind.” He tried to sound annoyed, but his voice still had traces of affection.

Dean gave him a grateful smile as he then turned to Cas. “Ready?” He said with a devilish grin as he motioned to the door.

Castiel took in a massive gulp of air and then swallowed hard. He gave a nervous nod as he went in the direction Dean had indicated towards the door.

Dean couldn't keep the grin off his face as he followed Castiel towards and out the door, leaving Gabriel staring proudly after them.

“I always knew you'd find someone who appreciated you one day, Cassie. I just knew it.” He said when he was alone in the ice cream shop with tears beginning to well in his eyes. “I'm so happy for you.”

\-----------------------

Castiel was rigidly seated in the passenger seat of the Impala as Dean hummed gently along to the song that was softly wafting from the radio. “You look nice you know.” Dean broke the silence casually as he stole a glance at Cas. He thought that Castiel looked stunning in his outfit, particularly his shirt. The button down shirt was a deep sea blue that drew out his eyes, and Dean decided that was what he liked most about Castiel's current appearance. 

“T-thank you.” Cas was startled by the compliment seeing as he was not used to getting them very often, and if he did, they were nearly always from Gabriel who would always try to make Cas feel better about himself. “I think that you look aesthetically appealing too.” He struggled to return the compliment although he believed it to be true. He loved the way Dean looked, but he just could not find the way to express that. Giving and receiving compliments was still new to him, but he wanted to become better. He wanted to be able to give Dean the compliments that he felt Dean deserved. He could not help but feel like Dean deserved someone who could give him those compliments and tell him the things he needed so desperately to hear, but Cas couldn't. He was just too socially impaired. He was a no good, and Dean deserved better.

“Thanks, Cas.” Dean replied with an amused smirk. He did not mind Castiel's strange wording and awkward phrasing; he almost enjoyed it. It was sweet and personal. It was just so… Castiel. And that was the best part. 

A genuine smile began to spread across Castiel's face as he realized that his compliment did make Dean smile. He had done something to help Dean, and that made him as happy as could be at that moment. He sat in the passenger seat of the gently humming Impala for a moment before speaking up again. “Dean?” Cas said in a soft tone. Dean glanced over at him in response. “Uhm… Where are we going?” Cas asked curiously. He didn't recognize the road they were on, but it was still local. They had only been in the car for about five minutes. 

“It's a surprise.” Dean said dramatically. “You'll have to wait.”

Castiel gave a grumble in response as he began to focus his gaze out the window to determine where he was. There were trees surrounding the road they were on, but in the distance he could almost see some body of water. And then it hit him. “We're… Going to the lake.” It was not a question. He knew where they were going now; it was just a blunt statement.

Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “Really, Cas? You had to go and figure it out?” He said sarcastically as he turned his gaze to Cas.

“I-I'm sorry, Dean. I did not mean to ruin the surprise.” Castiel immediately apologized with sincere regret.

Dean's face softened as he heard the apologetic tone in Cas's voice. “It's okay, Cas. Really.” He assured him in a way that was similar to how Gabriel would. “It’s a special place. Trust me.” He said firmly. “But,” he held a warning finger up to Cas. “Don't guess this time. Let it be a surprise.” Dean advised him jokingly.

Castiel nodded. “I can try to do that.” He agreed. He would respect Dean's wishes even if that meant ignoring his curiosity for a while.

\-----------------------------

Nothing became any clearer when they arrived at their destination. They were on a small cliff that overlooked the lake and the darkening sky. The cliff was covered in fresh green summer grass. Castiel took in his surroundings with a deep breath. Soon enough, the cliff and the area below it would be swarmed with children who were free for the summer, but that was another week away yet, so for that period of time, they were alone on that peaceful cliff - just him and Dean. A light breeze nipped at the back of Castiel's neck and teased his hair, but he quite enjoyed it. A breeze felt good when it was that warm out. “Why did you bring me here?” Cas asked out of curiosity, but the way he asked it sounded interrogative. 

Dean leaned against the side of the Impala and turned his gaze to the sky taking and the emerging stars. “I used to come here as a kid with Sammy.” He stated nostalgically as he focused more on the stars above him as if he were searching for something. “I wanted you to get a chance to see it. The lake looks really beautiful when the stars come out.” 

Cas nodded. He was beginning to understand. He had thought that the cliff was Dean's idea of a make out point, but that frightening idea vanished when Dean said he brought Sam there. This place meant something to Dean, and that's why he was there. “When did you last come here?” Castiel asked him gently.

Dean's gaze drifted from the stars down towards the ground. “Well…” He was hesitant. He did not want to answer honestly. This was a date, and dates were supposed to be pleasant, so he decided it best just to dodge the question. “It has been some time.” He said as he finally lifted his gaze back to Cas. “I'm here now though.” 

Castiel's eyes narrowed in confusion. He wondered what it was that Dean was dodging, but he felt it was better not to ask. He had seen the painful experience in Dean's eyes, and he knew that it was better not to talk of such things on a first date, or at least he assumed it was. He would ask later. “It is a nice view.” Castiel allowed the subject to change as his eyes swept across the vast lake in front of them. The lake itself shimmered in the night echoing all of the stars above it.

Dean grunted his agreement as he moved from his spot on the side of the Impala and lifted himself effortlessly onto the hood. He motioned for Cas to do the same, and relatively soon, said man was about a foot away from Dean. “I didn't think you'd let me be on your car.” Castiel attempted to joke, but it sounded far more serious than he had intended it to.

Dean chuckled lightly. “I make exceptions for especially attractive people.” He replied slyly.

Cas blushed deeply. “Y-you don't have to say that.” He protested. “It's not true.”

Dean propped himself onto his side to face Cas. “Do I look like I'm lying to you?” He replied sarcastically.

“N-no.” Cas stammered. “That's not what I meant…”

Dean waved a dismissive hand at him before flopping onto his back again. “I know what you meant, but I don't agree. You're very attractive in multiple ways: physically, mentally, heck, even spiritually.” 

He really thinks that about me? Me of all people? How…? “T-thank you, Dean. I-I…” Tears began to well up behind Castiel's eyes. “I can't… I just… I've never been told anything like that before, and it's just…” He felt a tear fall down his face, and he knew that there were more threatening to do the same. “The most wonderful thing… Thank you.” He choked as he began sobbing. He hated himself for doing it. Dean must have thought he was a freak for crying like a baby just because he was complimented, but he could not help himself. 

Dean watched Cas cry in silence for a moment. He had never expected that to happen. It never had before. He had never flirted with someone just to have that person break down crying before. It was a new one, that was for sure, but he knew that Cas was different, so he realized that he should not have expected something normal. Castiel's tears were a reminder of his uniqueness, but they also reminded Dean of what Cas must have gone through in life if he had never been complimented like that before. He wondered how many times he must have been told he was useless and how many times he had been broken, and it sickened him. 

“Shh…” Dean hushed Cas gently as he dared to pull him into his arms. It was a warm embrace, but Castiel pulled away out of instinct. He did not like it when people were in close proximity to him, but this was different in a way that was similar to how Gabriel was different; it was a caring and nurturing embrace, and that made all the difference, so after a silent moment, Cas found himself instinctively burying his face into Dean's chest as he choked on his sobs. 

“It's okay, Cas. I've got you.” Dean soothed him. He did not know what else to say because he did not know exactly what he had triggered, but he knew that he had hit something and he had hit it hard, and he felt like a jerk for doing so.

They sat there for a while in a respected silence that was only broken by Dean's occasional comforting words. The silence was not broken until Cas pulled away and rubbed his eyes with his hand in attempt to rid himself of his tears. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, but his brilliant blue gaze still shone brightly as it finally turned to the sky.

Dean gulped before speaking again. “I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean to-” He Began to apologize, but Cas interjected. 

“It's fine. It wasn't your fault. It was mine.” 

“What? Cas, that was in no way your fault. Obviously, you've just encountered too many abusive jerks.” Dean defended Cas to himself. It was strange to have to do that, especially on a first date, but he brushed past it. Castiel needed to hear this, and he didn't care if it was not the ideal first date; it needed to be said. “You did nothing wrong. They're wrong; not you.”

Castiel nodded his head as he held back more tears. “I-I… Thank you.” He mumbled, his voice still weak from crying.

“I mean it. You…” Dean was hesitant to add what came next, but he knew it was best to offer. “You can tell me about it if you want.” He offered sweetly.

Castiel curled into a ball by bringing his legs up to his chest and holding them there with his arms pulled tightly to his chest. He didn't want to talk about it, but Dean had asked. He had to tell him something, but how much? He took a steadying breath. 

“I've always been told that I'm different in a bad way…” He began with pain lacing his voice. “By everyone: my family, my classmates, and the whole community.” Castiel's voice was shaky, but Dean gave him an encouraging nod. “They… Didn't accept me. Some of them hurt me. I've been jumped, bullied, abused both physically and mentally, but I've always had Gabriel at least… Most of the time… Sometimes… H-he didn't make it in time. Sometimes he never found out. I didn't want him to. He-he had a habit of… Of beating up anyone who gave me trouble, but when it was Michael…” There it was: the pinpoint of his pain. “Things got messy.” He nearly choked again. He didn't know if he could continue talking about that. He looked to Dean in distress silently begging him to let him stop.

Dean sighed. “It's okay. You don't have to keep going.” Dean assured him. He didn't want to watch Cas struggle to tell him any more. It was painful, and it was not because Castiel stuttered; it was because he was in pain, and it was so visible in his eyes that it was contagious. 

Cas flashed Dean a weak smile of gratitude. He was glad to stop talking about it; it hurt him too much to remember it. 

Dean returned Castiel's smile. He wanted to know how that story ended, but it was not out of curiosity. Now, it was out of anger. The fact that Castiel's own brother would be an abusive jerk to him infuriated Dean, and he wanted to know exactly how bad Michael was to him, but he did not want to push Cas. He hadn't meant to push him as far as he did.

“I know how it feels. My father abused me when I was a kid.” Dean stated the phrase as if it meant nothing to him.

Castiel's gaze hardened on him as he said that. “R-really? But why?” He asked innocently confused.

Dean shrugged. “When my mom died, he was left to take care of me and Sam, but he couldn't take care of himself without her, and he turned to alcohol. He'd come home some nights and he'd yell at me and tell me that it was my fault that she died because she made sure to get me and Sam out of the fire first. More often than not, that shouting would turn into punching and kicking. I never fought back… You want to know the sick thing?” Dean said with a falsely amused chuckle. “I believed him. I didn't fight back because I thought he was right. I thought I deserved that.” 

Cas watched Dean's face carefully when he spoke as if he were trying to determine if his words were true. Dean thought he was worthless? But… how…? Cas found the thought difficult to process. Dean seemed to be so perfect that he had never imagined that Dean had been told he was worthless before. “But he was wrong.” Castiel stated firmly. He believed that, and he wanted Dean to believe it too. 

“It took me a while to figure that out.” Dean said while staring up at the stars and watching them intently, and Cas wondered how many times he had done this in his past. He wondered how many times Dean had come out here to question his self worth, and he felt a pang of sympathy. Dean knew what it was like. He understood.

“How long?” Cas asked quietly. He was afraid of the answer, but he wanted to know.

“Until…” Dean trailed off momentarily as he bit his lower lip in thought. “One night, when I came home from school, I found Sam in the bathroom curled into a ball on the floor. He was sniffling and crying. I had no idea how long he’d been there, but obviously it was too long. I was too late. It was the first time it had happened as far as I was concerned, but is scared the hell out of me.” Pain reverberated through Dean’s voice as he recalled his experience. He had never told this story to anyone before; he had kept it in for so long, and now it was all finally pouring out. “He had hit Sam, and, God, it was bad. It was so bad, Cas. He…” Dean choked on the memory. 

He remembered entering that bathroom to see Sam curled in a ball with his own blood on the floor. John must have hit him into a table or something like it because there was a gash on the back of his head that was oozing warm blood. Sam had a black eye, and there were bruises lining his body: all over his legs and arms, and Dean assumed they were hidden under his shirt too. The sight sickened him. John had hit Dean before, and he had beaten him pretty badly before, but this was different; this was Sam. 

“I ran to him, and I held him in my arms. I felt his blood from a gash on his head ooze onto my hand. I was so scared. I was only nine years old. Sam was only five. The kid was only five…” Dean spat out the word as if it were the most ridiculous and grotesque thing he had ever heard. “I patched him up as best I could, but he was still crying. All I could do was hold him. I held him in my arms, and you know what he said to me?” Dean paused for a moment. He did not really expect an answer, but he needed a moment to collect his thoughts. Cas continued to stare into his eyes silently urging him to continue. 

“Sam looked up at me, and I thought he was looking at my face, but I was wrong. He was looking at my arm. My sleeve had slid up a little bit, and he could see my big blue bruises. He just looked at me with these big sad eyes, and he said ‘daddy hurt you too’ in the saddest and most distressed voice I'd ever heard. I pulled him in closer. I didn't want him to talk about it. I felt like a failure for letting him get him. I was his brother; I was supposed to protect him. ‘Why did he do it? Why is daddy mad at me? Is he mad at you too? What did we do wrong?’ Sam kept asking these questions and I didn't know how to answer him. I just kept saying ‘No, Sammy. You're okay. You didn't do anything. It's all right.’ Over and over again as I held him in my arms.” Dean took a breath before continuing. “I didn't realize how messed up John's actions were until then. It wasn't until he got Sam… I knew Sam didn't deserve it. He was just a kid… An innocent little kid…” Dean's voice was relatively calm as he told his story. It was steady and almost unmoved by emotion, but on some occasions, his feelings did begin to show. 

“What did you do?” Cas asked timidly.

“I called my uncle, Bobby, and he told me to get over to his house right away, so I did. I took Sam, and we left. John fled after beating Sam. He left to go pass out in some pub, but at least that gave us an escape opportunity, but Sam…” Dean rubbed his eyes presumably out of frustration, but Cas knew it was because he was trying to hold back tears. “Sam kept asking questions like, ‘where are we going, Dean? Won't dad be worried? Is daddy going to be okay?’ And no matter how many times I told him everything was going to be okay, he wouldn't stop, and that was the worst part: he didn't understand. He had no clue what was going on. He just wanted his family to be okay. He didn't deserve…” Dean looked to Castiel to see if he was still listening to find that Cas had leaned forward intrigued to hear him better. “I'm sorry, Cas. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have-” Dean began to apologize, but Cas interrupted him. 

“Don't apologize. I want to hear. Keep going.” He quickly urged.

Dean took in another gulp of air before continuing. “He asked me when we would come back, and I stopped for a moment. I didn't want to tell him, but I couldn't keep it from him. ‘Not for a while.’ I said, but he persistently asked how long that was, and I had to tell him. I knew I had to, so I told him. ‘We’re not coming back.’ He looked so shocked and he started crying again. He screamed at me--asking me why--and I couldn't look at home more. I focused all of my attention on packing our bags as I explained that it was too dangerous It was all I could tell him, but it clicked in his mind. Sam is a smart kid, so he got it, but he was mortified. He said that my dad did not mean it, and that he was sorry. He defended John, and I didn't know how to respond. That man had beaten me for years and he had just hurt my baby brother too. There was no defense for that. I lashed out at Sam, and I know I shouldn't have, but I lost it when he said that. I lifted up my shirt to show him bruises and cuts as I shouted at him. Sam looked like the most scared little puppy I had ever seen. He didn't say another word the rest of the night; he was just too shocked, and I can't blame him. He thought we were a happy family, and he was just proven to be so wrong. 

“Bobby came to pick us up. He took us to his house, and he kept us there for the night. We thought we were safe, but when morning came around, we discovered how wrong we were. Bobby arranged for Sam and I to sleep in the guest bedroom. Sam clung onto me all night. He was too afraid to let go because I was all he had left. I think he felt safe curled up next to me, but that changed when we heard Bobby talking to someone at the door. That voice was all too familiar. I knew who it was, so did Sam. I ushered Sam into the closet and we hid there. I could hear Bobby talking to him in the doorway. John was drunkenly shouting at him. I couldn't see it, but I think he tried to force his way into the house. Bobby’s voice sounded so calm, and that assured me of one thing: He could keep us safe, or so I thought…’ It sounded as if Bobby had managed to get John away from the door. He was yelling threats and other such phrases. He was gone after that. Well… Sort of. Because of him, Sam and I couldn't stay with Bobby. It was too dangerous. John knew we were there, and he could come get us anytime that Bobby was working at his garage, so he sent us away - not far, just to an apartment a couple blocks away. He payed for it; he would check on us every so often. He took care of us in a way that John never did.” Dean was staring intently up at the sky. “I haven't been in this spot since that day I found Sam in the bathroom.” 

There was a heavy silence for a few minutes before Cas decided to break the silence by lifting himself off of the hood of the Impala and opening the passenger seat door of the Impala. He pulled out a small exacto knife that he had seen in the glove compartment and went over to a tree that was hanging just to the right of the Impala. He bent down and began to carve something into the tree. Dean lifted a curious eyebrow. “Cas… What are you…?” He watched Cas work meticulously on the tree, but his question was answered as Castiel stood up looking rather pleased with himself. 

“There.” He said motioning to his carving. “It's for you.” He muttered as he motioned for Dean to come over and see it. Dean bent down to see a cat with an ice cream cone delicately carved into the tree. 

“What? Cas… I'm confused..” Dean scratched the back of his head in thought. 

“It's a cat with an ice cream cone.” Cas informed him seriously.

“Yeah, I get that, but… Why?” 

Cas tilted his head. He did not understand how Dean could not pick up on what he was trying to say. “Because cats and ice cream are happy things, so when you come here again, you will have a happy thing to see, and then you will not be sad being here anymore.” Cas stated it like it was obvious and even a blind man could see it.

A small appreciative smile spread across Dean's face as he looked at the carving. It was pretty well drawn. The cat was very detailed, but it was standing as it held its ice cream cone, and its tongue was licking the cone very delicately. Dean's eyes went glassy with emotion. Sure, it was childish to do something like that, but it was sweet. He pulled Cas into a long embrace. “Thank you, Cas. I love it.” He muttered as he placed his head on top of Castiel's. Cas melted into his arms. He liked the feeling of being in Dean's arms, which surprised him. He was used to hating having people too close to him, but this was an exception. “Gosh, Cas. I think I owe you a new first date. This one went… Downhill.” Dean said jokingly as he pulled away from Castiel.

“I would like another date, but I liked this one.” Cas admitted timidly.

“Liked? No.” Dean said with a small laugh. “Come on. That didn't count. Let's see what we can do…” Dean glanced back towards the hood of the Impala as he moved back over and heaved himself back up. “Come on. Let's make the rest of this date a good one. Good date, starting now.” Dean commanded decisively. Cas obeyed without much hesitation. He certainly did not mind more time with Dean.

They were both there on the hood of the impala, and they talked for what seemed like ages. They talked of family, work, their futures… Anything. Nothing was off limits. They connected, and there were no limitations on that connection. 

“I want to live in a house by the lake someday.” Cas stated dreamily.

“Yeah. Me too. I want a house with a big porch that I can jump off of out into the lake, and afterwards, I just want to lay on that porch with a glass of lemonade and relax.” Dean agreed.

“I would just sit there and read. I could lose myself in a book while the sun beats down on me.” Cas chimed in.

“And I'd have a boat that I could show off on. I could ride around and show people how far I've come.” Dean added.

“And the cat. The cat would come and sit with me. It would just rest with me.” Cas could not forget the important detail.

“And a jet ski. A jet ski would be sick.”

“Maybe I'd even swim some days.”

“And a hang glider.”

“And a hammock.”

“Agreed. Cas…” Dean trailed off as realization hit him. “Do we… Want the same thing?”

Cas considered it for a moment. “The same dream? Yes. I believe so.” 

Dean couldn't believe it. He hated fairytales and chick flicks. He hated expressing his feelings, and he hated day dreaming, but for some reason, he was comfortable - no, happy - doing all of those things with Cas. He couldn't understand why. He needed to try it. He needed to figure out. He leaned in experimentally towards Cas as he closed the space between them by pressing his lips to Castiel's. His lips were warm and welcoming as they chastely brushed against Castiel's. He didn't back away. That was the biggest shocker. After a moment, Dean was the one to pull away. He eyed Cas questioningly. Dean had done that a million times before, but Cas never had. He was worried that he had scared him away, but Cas was sitting there with his hand held up to his lips still trying to process what had just happened. 

“Cas…?” Dean asked worried that he had gone too far too fast, but he was proven wrong as Cas pulled him in for another kiss. This one was longer and more passionate, a clash between tongues as lips sloppily met, and it seemed to last an hour, but eventually Cas pulled away. 

“I-I like that.” Cas admitted while flustered. “I want to do this again sometime.”

Dean grinned devilishly. “Your wish is my command.” He whispered coolly as he pressed Castiel's lips back into his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love reviews and kudos!


	3. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the last for the day. I'll update again tomorrow.

It was the morning after their first date, and Dean couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know what had happened to Cas, but he knew better than to push Cas. He didn't want to hurt him anymore. That morning he went over to Castiel's apartment where he had dropped him off last night after their date. It had been about midnight when he dropped him off the night before, and at that time he was not able to get a good look at it. He hadn't gone inside; he had stayed in the car when he said goodbye to Cas before driving down the street. Now in the daylight, he was able to see the dark apartment building in front of him. It was not too run down, but it was not in the best condition either. The building seemed relatively new, but it was painted with a dark almost black paint and the stairs creaked noisily when Dean stepped on them. He figured that is must have been a remotely cheaply built apartment otherwise the stairs wouldn't creak like they did. He looked for the Castiel's room number on the buzzer. What was it…? 24? No. That's not it… 26…? No. He scratched the back of his neck in thought. 18. That was it. He pressed the bell for apartment 18, and he was greeted by the buzz from the other end of the line. 

“Oh. It's you.” He heard Gabriel's groggy voice from over the buzzer. 

“Yeah. It's me.” Dean responded sarcastically. He began to doubt if he was right in going to that apartment that day. Maybe Gabriel would not be too willing to share a family secret with him. Maybe Gabriel didn't want him in their house, and Dean couldn't really blame him. Gabriel hardly knew him. Why should he let a stranger into his apartment? 

“Cas is asleep.” Gabriel muttered.

“I'm here to talk to you anyway.” Dean said in a confidential tone.

There was a pause over the buzzer for a moment before Gabriel answered hesitantly. “Why?”

“I want to know about Michael.” Dean demanded firmly.

There was another pause as Gabriel pondered letting Dean in. That was family business, and Dean was not family, but Dean spoke with such conviction that it made it hard to say no. He had hardly said much of anything, but anyone could hear in his voice that he didn't want to know; he needed to know, and he was determined to do so.

There was a small click of the door unlocking as the buzzer clicked off. Dean took a hesitant step into the apartment. There were a couple of rooms on that floor, but Dean assumed that Cas’ room must have been on the second or third floor. He scanned the doorway observantly. The apartment was darker on the inside of the apartment than on the outside. The walls were close together and they were the same dark color, and the whole space felt confining. 

“Dean. Let's go upstairs.” Gabriel directed as soon as he came down the stairs and motioned for Dean to follow him back up with a wave of his hand.

Dean said nothing as he followed Gabriel up the stairs. He was thinking about what he was going to say when they got into the privacy of the apartment room. He needed to be as polite as he could about this, which was not something he was accustomed to. He knew that Gabriel was still suspicious of him, and he did not want to give him a reason to intensify that suspicion.

They came to a stop at a dark grey door with the name ‘Novak’ placed slightly slanted in the center. Gabriel pulled a key out of his pocket, and he and Dean were both inside in only a moment. As soon as they entered the room, Dean was hit with a lighter presence than he had just become accustomed to. That room was so much brighter than the rest of the house. There was a large window in the back wall that was allowing sunlight to seep into the room and fill the room with a radiating warmth. That, and the fact that the walls were a light blue made the room appear so much brighter, and it threw Dean off for a few seconds. 

“Sit down.” Gabriel said in a brisk tone as he motioned to a sofa for Dean to sit on as he himself took a seat across from it in an arm chair. Dean complied as he sat down in the soft, worn down sofa. He speculated that all of the furniture in the apartment was relatively old, seeing as the Novaks did not have the money to replace it, but that did not stop the place from appearing forcefully well kept. It looked as if someone took the time to scrub every inch of the place and dust every corner just to make the place appear nice and clean. And then he remembered. Cas had a small thing about germs, but did that mean that Gabriel had dusted the whole place just to keep Cas happy? Even with all of the work he did? 

“I have to clean the apartment every week. A full dust and scrub, otherwise Cas begins to get scared of the germs.” Gabriel answered his question for him as he tracked Dean's gaze across the room. 

Dean gave him a nod in response. He was not entirely paying attention because he had caught sight of some pictures that were hanging crookedly on the wall. “He's not specific about the pictures, huh?” Dean said with amusement as he motioned to the pictures across from him. 

“No. He's not OCD. He's just a little bit socially challenged, and he doesn't like certain things… Well, a lot of things, but really, it could be worse…” Gabriel immediately stepped in to defend his little brother.

“Nah. I like him for it. It makes him interesting, and it makes him him.” Dean conceded.

Gabriel tried to suppress a smile. It made him so overjoyed to hear someone say that. Finally, somebody could look past Castiel's initial social troubles and see him for the man he was and love him for it, and that was the best thing he could ever hope for. “I know that, but he needs to learn that someday…” Gabriel agreed.

Dean nodded in response. He wanted to show Cas somehow that he was more than a social impairment, that he was a person, and he was a person worth caring about. 

“But that's not what you're here for…” Gabriel said with a sigh. “What do you want to know about Michael?” He thought he knew what the answer was, but he wanted to dodge answering that question if he could.

Dean leaned in forwards and hushed his voice. He remembered that Gabriel had said that Castiel was sleeping, and he didn't want to wake him up. “What did he do to Cas?” 

Gabriel leaned back in the armchair and lifted his hand to his mouth to give his thumb a small bite in thought and concentration. “If I tell you… Keep it secret, and don't bring it up to Cas.” Gabriel practically threatened Dean with the dark tone in his voice. “I mean it. This is a delicate topic for him…” 

“I know. I promise.” Dean agreed quickly. He did not want to bring the topic back up with Cas. It hurt Cas too much. “That's why I came to you. It would be too cruel to make him tell me.” 

Gabriel nodded. “Well… I suppose it started small, when we were kids, but it grew to more than that. When we were little, Michael and I would tease Cas sometimes. It was mean; I know, but that's how brothers are sometimes. “

Dean nodded. He had been like that to Sam at times, so he understood.

“But as we got older, it got worse. Michael began to tease him even more, and I found myself feeling like it was getting to a point where it was wrong. Sometimes I defended Cas. Other times I was too afraid to stand up to Michael…” Shame and guilt began to consume Gabriel's face. “It didn't get too bad until Michael went to high school. Cas was about eight years old when it got so much worse. Michael had these friends of his. They were jerks, all of them. I didn't know that at the time. I hadn't met any of them before, but Michael had invited me to hang out with them, so I felt pretty cool hanging out with the older kids. That was… Until I realized how horrid they were. I remember it clearly, even to this day.” Gabriel took a pause to catch his breath.

“I was with Michael and his friends when they got the bright idea to mess with Cas. They were talking about how weird and stupid Cas was and they were saying that it would be real fun to mess with him. I told them I didn't think it was a good idea. I told them that it was cruel, but they just laughed at me. They didn't care who they were hurting; as long as they had fun, they were fine with it. Michael called Cas over and he came running so fast. We were in our front yard, and Cas had been minding his own business just playing in his own world, but he was zapped out of that world as soon as he heard Michael call his name. He wanted so badly to be accepted that he would do anything. He just wanted Michael's love and attention, but this was the only way he was getting anything from Michael. Cas stuttered as he came teetering towards us. I wanted to tell him to go back to what he was doing because I knew that whatever Michael had in store, it wasn't good. Michael mocked Cassie's excitement in a way that was pointlessly cruel as he spoke to him. Cas nodded his head eagerly. I know that he just wanted so badly to know what it was, so that he could please Michael. Michael told him to tell Crowley that his mother was a hooker. Now, Crowley was our next door neighbor, and he was not that big of a kid, but he could take on anyone, and I mean anyone - maybe even some adults. The kid was on the tall side and he was nearly twice Cas’s age. He was relatively well built, but he had speed and tact to help him out too. Cas did not stand a chance. You want to know something sad? He didn't know what it meant. He didn't know what the words Michael had told him to say meant. All he knew was that Michael wanted him to say them, and that made them good words in Cas's mind.” Gabriel took a moment to rub his eyes. He was tired. He always was, but he had to stay awake to tell the story.

“And you just let him do it?!” Dean asked incredulously.

“I haven't finished yet.” Gabriel responded, mildly irritated.

“Right. Go on then.” Dean grunted apologetically.

“He went up to Crowley's house. Crowley was on the front porch that day with a comic book in hand when Cas slowly and timidly approached him. He was shaking. I could see it. He was so scared to be talking to someone he didn't know, and I was scared for him. Castiel said ‘hi’ awkwardly and shyly, but Crowley didn't even notice him. He completely ignored him until he repeated Michael’s words, but he said them in the sweetest voice. He wanted to make them sound kind because he thought that they must have been kind because Michael had said them, and he did not believe that Michael would ever do any thing mean. I could not sit there and watch. Crowley threw one punch at Castiel and hit him square in the jaw. Cas went tumbling backwards, but I don't think the punch was what hurt him; I think it was the shock and the betrayal. He looked so confused and scared. I… Couldn't. I didn't care what Michael and his friends thought of me. I jumped out and I stepped in front of Cas. I tried to fight Crowley off, but he was about six years older and sixty pounds heavier than me. I ended up giving him a couple of bruises and a black eye, but he… He twisted my arm… Backwards… In a way I did not know arms could bend. I had black and blue everywhere. I also had dirt in my hair and on my clothes, and there was a tear in my shirt in the back. I had landed on a sharp rock while tussling and it had cut through my shirt and a few layers of skin, but it was worth it. Because if I hadn't accepted that brutal butt whooping, then Cas would have had to have taken it, and I couldn't have watched that happen. As it was, I never hung out with Michael’s friends again, and I did my best to keep them away from Cas, but for some reason, he still wanted to prove himself to them, so every so often he would do stupid things they asked him to do when I wasn't around. They'd ask him to hold his breath underwater for as long as be could and scream it wasn't long enough when he tried to come up. They'd make him try and click his finger through a flame and not catch on fire. They'd make him do all sorts of things that were terrible and dangerous, and you know why he did them?” Gabriel paused for his rhetorical question. “He wanted to fit in that badly, and that was the only way.” Gabriel muttered bitterly.

“That's sick. Who does that to their own brother? What-” Dean began to rant, but he was interrupted by Gabriel's silencing glare. 

“There's more.” Gabriel told him somberly.

Dean stopped talking and gave Gabriel an expectant glance. He would wait. He wanted the whole story if there was more to tell.

“It went on like that for a while, but it did get worse. I was hoping that Michael would grow out of it, that he'd mature, but something inside of me knew that he wouldn't, and that part of me was proven right the summer after my fight with Crowley. My mom was out for the weekend, so Michael being a typical stupid teenager decided that it was a good idea to throw this huge party. I was not there when it started. Maybe if I were then things would have gone differently…” Regret began to ebb into Gabriel's voice, but he shook it out with a small shake of his head. “But I wasn't. I can't change that.” He assured himself. 

“What happened?” Dean asked, mild irritation in his tone.

“Don't get your knickers in a bunch. I'll get to it.” Gabriel responded sassily.

Dean leaned back into the sofa to show his compliance and willingness to listen, and Gabriel accepted that as an apology.

“I may not have been there, but Cas was. Cas was there. It was a huge party, and I mean huge. Everyone in Michael's school was there, and there were people from other schools too. Every high school student in the whole town was there, and there were even college kids, and college students did not just show up to any high school kid’s party. This was a big party; it was the party, and Cas was there…” Gabriel was rambling, and Dean had to try his hardest not to show his agitation. He came to hear to Castiel's story, not Gabriel's ramblings about a party, but he kept his annoyance to himself as he waited for Gabriel to get back to the point.

“Cas… He hated being around new people. It scared him ‘cause he thought that he'd mess something up. He didn't know what to say and how to respond to anything, so that made being around strangers very awkward and scary for Cas. Now, imagine him in that house that was crammed full of drunk, stupid teenagers…”

Dean's eyes widened a fraction in realization. That was why Gabriel was talking about the party, so that he would understand how afraid Cas must have been. “Cas…” Dean muttered in sympathy.

“Yeah. I know, but it gets worse.” Gabriel cautioned as he continued his story. “Cas also hates loud noises, and there was this blaring music. The house was packed with screaming strangers, and Cas…” Gabriel paused as he tried to find the right words to describe his distraught little brother. 

“Well, when I came home, I found the party, but my first concern was Cas. Cas had never been to a party before. The kid hardly left the house he was so afraid of social situations, so I knew that he could not possibly be okay. I went to the first place I could think to find him: his room. Whenever someone visited us, Cas would not leave his room. Any guests of ours did not even know he was there unless we told them, but this time was different. I went instinctively up the stairs towards the end of the hallway towards Castiel's room, and I found him there, but he wasn't alone. There were kids throwing things at him and shouting things. He was curled up in a ball on his bedroom floor trying to zone them out but they were shouting things like ‘Freak’, ‘loser’, ‘baby’, and things that were far worse that I'd rather not say. I shoved my way past them and I told them to scram or I'd make them pay for their words, and they kind of quieted down and exchanged glances before going off to torment someone else. I didn't care about them at that moment. What mattered was Cas. I ran to him and lifted him up by his shoulders, so that I could see his face and make sure he was okay, and I'm telling you; he was the furthest thing from it. He had hot tears rolling down his face and his eyes… They echoed so much fear that I could feel it just by looking into his eyes. He was so scared…” 

Gabriel trailed off momentarily as he recalled the moment in his mind. He would never forget that moment, and that was why; that look of pure fear would stick with Gabriel his whole life. “I pulled him into me and just let him cry. What they had done was messed up and twisted, but that was not the only problem. Cas was scared of all of the noises and the people in our house - that was why he was in his room in the first place. I needed them all to leave if I wanted any chance at calming down Cas. I told Cas that I had to go. I tried to speak as gently as I could, but Cas got scared at the notion of me leaving, so he grabbed onto my shirt to try and make me stay. I reassured him that I would be back as I stroked his head. I wanted him to believe that he would be okay. I wanted him to be okay. He eventually let go of me, but said nothing that whole time. The only sound he made was an occasional sniffle. I think he was too scared to talk. I… Went down the stairs diligently with one thing on my mind: find Michael and make sure that the mess got cleaned up, and that would mean more than just making everyone leave; that would involve a lot of comforting and time spent trying to coax Cas out of his room again. That would involve Michael forgetting about himself for a moment to consider how Cas felt, but… That couldn't happen; I was foolish to believe that I had a shot at making it happen.

“When I found Michael, he was chugging down beers with a couple of others guys. It was some sort of idiotic drinking challenge. I couldn't believe it. Cas was upstairs being tormented, and his mentality was being shattered into pieces, and Michael was downstairs playing a drinking game? I was so worried about Cas, but then I also became enraged by Michael's actions. I pushed my way through the crowd of gathered people who were screaming ‘chug, chug, chug…’ over and over again increasingly louder. When I got to the center, I pulled Michael away from his giant glass of beer by the collar. I accused him of being selfish. I told him about Cas, but he only gave me a strange drunken smile. He mocked Cas. He said something along the lines of ‘What’s the matter? Cassie’s not having fun? The kid's broken. He won't have any fun no matter what.’ He slurred his words together and I could smell the alcohol and who knows what coming off from his breath. I sounded so angry when I told him to send everyone home and fix what had happened, but I was. How couldn't I be? One of my brothers was treating the other as if he were not even a human being, and I couldn't stand it. I was still holding onto Michael's shirt collar, and at that point I gave him a small wake up shake, but he only drunkenly laughed in response. He berated Cas and spoke with pure malice as he pushed himself free from my grasp. He called Cas names - ‘failure’, ‘weirdo’, ‘outcast’. He refused to tell the party guests to leave because he didn’t care about Cas. I was yelling so loudly - verbally protecting Cas - that everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch me and Michael fight. Michael was even louder than I was, and that caused some murmuring to commence. He had not realized it at the time because of his intoxication, but he had just seriously impaired his social standing. I shouted as loudly as I could, telling them to go home, and they all exchanged glances as if deciding whether or not they should listen to me. Michael called to them, saying not to listen to me, as some of them began dispersing. He ordered them to stop, but none of them did. They were done with Michael for the night, but it was more than that; they were done with him in general. He had lost his place in the popular crowd since his party was canceled because of a socially impaired little brother, and I should have foreseen what came next, but I hadn't thought about it. 

“Everyone left shouting stuff about how lame my family was, and how weird we were. They made fun of me, Cas, and Michael as they left, and I was fine with them insulting me for standing up for Cas, and at the time, I was mad enough at Michael that it was okay for them to insult him too, but insulting Cas was too much. I wanted to fight them all and make them take it back, but I didn't because I knew that I needed to go comfort Cas, so I watched them leave in silence. After they had all gone, Michael took me by surprise. He stormed up the stairs, but as soon as he did it, I knew exactly where he was going, and it scared me. He was going right towards Castiel's room. I bolted up the stairs as fast as I could, but I was too late. Michael was standing over Cas and he was kicking him repeatedly in the stomach and the back as he yelled the most spiteful things. He told him things like, ‘You just mess everything up’, ‘You’re a freak’, ‘Why’d you even have to be born’... I was paralyzed in horror for a moment. I knew that Michael was cruel, but I had never expected him to start physically hurting Cas, and it froze me to that spot until I was able to get a hold of myself and launch myself at Michael to pull him off Cas. I shouted for Michael to leave Cas alone as I pinned him to the ground. Michael pushed me off of him with his knee, still lashing out verbally at Cas, but I got back up quickly. I continued to defend Cas as I punched Michael hard in the face. I told Michael that he should have wanted to protect Cas because he was his little brother, but he did not care for that. He spat out a bit of blood before kneeing me in the gut. He spat at me, saying that Cas was not his brother - and I wasn’t too if I defended Cas. He spoke as if he found us to be the most appalling things he had ever seen. 

“I reared back a little bit in pain. Michael was five years older than I was, and he was a lot stronger, so his attacks hurt almost as much as his words. I pleaded with him. I told him that he didn’t mean it, but he said he did with such conviction that it sent chills down my spine. I didn't want to fight him anymore. I just wanted him to tell me that he did care about our family. I wanted him to apologize. I wanted him to go back to being the brother he once was, but he wouldn't. I dragged my aching body towards him, each step bringing forth a new kind of pain. It felt as if something had ruptured in my stomach, but that wasn't going to stop me. Michael gave me one final violent shove into the wall, and I fell down to the ground with blood dripping from my mouth. My eyes began to close, but I fought to keep them open. I needed to protect Cas, but I could feel my consciousness slipping away. Luckily enough for me, Michael looked from me to Cas and then muttered something and left the room. I still don't know what he said, even now. I never asked. I just always chose to believe that it was an apology.”

“How… Did Cas react?” Dean asked hesitantly. Now he knew why the topic was so touchy with Cas. It was very similar to his experience with John, so he understood, but he also understood that Cas did not have his resilience.

Gabriel sighed as he rubbed his eyes. Of course he wants to know that. “Michael didn't talk to Cas after that, and Cas said nothing to him either. Actually, Cas said nothing to anyone for a while. He wouldn't be in the same room as Michael, and he was dead afraid of everyone. It took him a few weeks to begin speaking again, and at first, it was just short words and only to me. Eventually, he was comfortable talking to our mom again, but he wouldn't talk to anyone else. He said he forgave Michael. He said that it wasn't Michael's fault because he was right, and I still don't think I've been able to convince him otherwise no matter how much I tell him. Michael scarred him that night, and I've never been able to remedy that.” Gabriel sounded sadly distant, and in his voice you could hear his guilt. He blamed himself for what happened, and that was a guilt that he would carry.

“I get it now.” Dean said neutrally. “I do. Thanks.” 

“For what?” Gabriel asked confused.

“For taking care of him. If he didn't have you, then he may not have been alive for me to meet him, and… He's been a great change in my life… He's something…” Dean spoke honestly.

Gabriel finally succumbed to a smile. “It's my job. I do have to thank you though.” He said kindly, which earned a curious lift of one eyebrow from Dean. “I've seen it in his eyes. You make him feel special, and that is something I could never seem to give him.”

There was a silence between the two men for a moment because neither was accustomed to that sort of thing before. They had just thanked each other with heartfelt messages, and they hardly knew each other. Their only connection was the man sleeping in the next door room, but somehow they were there sharing that moment, and it was because of Cas. 

“I have to go to work.” Gabriel said urgently once he saw the clock. He frantically scrambled out of the armchair and went over to a desk and began rummaging through a drawer. 

“Right. Thanks for talking to me. I really appreciate it.” Dean replied sincerely as he stood to leave. His legs ached from sitting down for so long, so he decided to give them a couple of experimental shakes to wake them up.

Once Gabriel found the keys he had been looking for, he strolled over towards the door and opened it for Dean. “After you.” He said with mocking courtesy. 

Dean grunted in amusement as he took a step out of the door. He stopped and gave the Novak's apartment one final glance. Cas was in there, and he found that he had a strange urge to stay there and wait for Cas to wake up, but he knew that he had to get to work himself. Without another word, he ignored his feeling and went down the stairs and out of the apartment back into the driver's seat of the Impala. He put the key in the ignition without any thought, and the Impala came to life with a dull roar as Dean absentmindedly drove off down the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love comments and kudos!


	4. Make up for the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can't all be sad. Fluff ahead

Dean spent the next couple of weeks trying to figure out a way to make Castiel see his worth. He knew that he could not erase the pain of his past, but he wanted to try and make it more bearable. He wanted Cas to see what he saw in him more and more each day. He needed to devise a way to show Castiel that Michael was wrong, and after weeks of planning, he found one. He had told Cas that he would pick him up after work for their night at the cliff. It was a Friday night, and Cas and Dean went to the cliff every Friday night, so Cas would hopefully not be suspicious and guess what Dean was doing. Dean had organized a whole night, but for some reason, he found himself nervous to carry it out. He looked at himself in his mirror. He looked tired, and that he was, but he tried his best to ignore that. Fatigue did not matter at that moment, only Cas did. He adjusted his bow tie in the mirror - well, it was Sam's bow tie, but he had borrowed it for the night. Despite his fatigue, Dean appeared rather stunning in a black tuxedo, white shirt, and a red bow tie. He was not used to the attire though, so he was continuously fidgeting his hands around the bow tie in attempt to make it perfect. It was all Sam's clothes; he did not own anything nearly that nice, so it was all a little bit big on him. Luckily enough, he could roll up the shirt sleeves underneath the tux to hide their baggy appearance. Dean had to ask for a lot of favors for that night, and it had taken him quite some time to arrange for everything, but he saw it through, and he refused to take no for an answer. 

He had asked Bobby if he could leave the garage early that day, and Bobby had not even given it a second thought. 

“You could use some good rest. You look horrid.” Bobby had said as he disguised his concern in disgust. 

Dean had simply chuckled and replied, “Thanks Bobby, but it's actually for a date that I have tonight. I want to go home early to get ready.” 

Bobby had given him a knowing nod. He knew about Cas; Sam had told him with quite some excitement that Dean had a boyfriend that he had managed to actually keep for over a month, and Bobby had been quite impressed. This was one of Dean's longest lasting relationships, and it was incredibly exciting for Sam because it meant that Dean was finally taking his own happiness seriously enough to allow for a full time relationship. Bobby shared Sam's excitement, but he was better at masking it, so he pretended to be annoyed when Dean asked for time off to be with his boyfriend. 

“Castiel, huh? Something special in mind?” Bobby had tried to mask his interest when he asked. 

“Well… Yeah. I'm planning a special night, and I was wondering if I could borrow that car out back for the night.” Dean had asked casually. 

“That one?” Bobby knew exactly what car Dean was referring to. There was a mini limo in the back of the shop that Bobby had just finished repairing and was waiting to be picked up the next week. “Why in actual Hell do you want that car for, boy? That's an expensive car, and it's not even mine-” Bobby had cut himself off when he saw the dejected look on Dean's face. He didn't know what he needed it for, but evidently, he needed it for something important. Bobby sighed. “I can't say no when you're giving me those creepy sad eyes… Just one night, and you better bring it back in top condition. Got that, boy?” Bobby warned Dean like a parent who just agreed to let their child go on their first date as long as they were back by curfew. 

Dean smiled graciously. “Thanks Bobby. I'll bring it back tomorrow, and that car will shine like the stars. Don't you worry.” He promised him as his excitement began to seep into his voice. He had what he needed for his big night; all he needed was the guts to get him through it. 

“Don't make me regret it.” Bobby grumbled still trying to sound annoyed, when in reality, he was always happy to help Dean or Sam. He always had been. That had been his job ever since John left, and even before that. It really started when Mary died, and John started drinking. Now, Dean was all grown up, and he hardly needed him anymore, so he was content in helping Dean find happiness in any way that he could. 

“You're the best, Bobby.” Dean said as he gave Bobby an affectionate and excited hug. 

Bobby returned the hug gratefully. “Go out there and have fun, you idjit.” He said as he released his hold on Dean. 

“Can do.” Dean said with a devious grin towards Bobby before he turned and left the garage. 

That was over three hours ago, and now Dean had showered and set everything up for the night. He was ready. He kept rearranging his bow tie nervously. No matter what he did, it didn't seem right. It wasn't perfect, and he wanted it to be perfect because Cas deserved perfect. 

“Dude, relax. Your tie is fine.” Sam said with amused assurance as he entered the room from the room next door where he had been studying diligently for the past couple of hours. 

“Really? Are you sure?” Dean asked distrustfully as he focused his attention on the mirror and continued to tamper with his tie.

“Yeah. I'm pretty sure. Look, you're just worrying too much. Just try to calm down a bit.” Sam spoke sapiently as he stepped into the room towards Dean. He took his time walking over, but once he was there, he gave Dean's bow tie one final tug before stepping out to examine his older brother. 

“Is it okay?” Dean asked anxiously as he turned his gaze from the mirror and towards Sam with the awaiting of an answer.

“Dean, you look great. He'll love it.” Sam calmly assured him as he soaked in Dean's image once again. Dean never dressed like that. Dean was never that into romantics, just the one time flirtation kinds of things. He had never been interested in feelings either, but now, after meeting Cas, he was willing to adopt all of those things into his life, and it amazed Sam. Cas had changed Dean into a more openly loving person, and Sam was grateful for that. He wanted Dean to have happiness. He didn't want to be the only thing that Dean had, and he certainly did not want to be what stood in the way of Dean's happiness. 

“You know. I'm happy for you. This thing you've got going with Cas is great. I mean, look at you.” Sam motioned towards Dean's attire with his muscular arms. “You're putting in so much effort. I don't think I've ever seen you put this much time in for any other person that you've ever been with! This… This is special to you, and I know it, and I'm happy for you.” Sam said sincerely.

Dean was silent for a moment. Sam's words were so touching that it felt wrong to try and silence him by telling him to shut up, but he still did not really like talking about feelings even if he had become more willing to do so. “Thanks Sam. That's… That means a lot.” Dean responded with equal sincerity. He flashed Sam a grateful smile, and Sam returned it. 

\----------------

It felt strange to be driving a limo. It was so different from the Impala that Dean was thrown for a loop. The limo did have a nice and smooth feel to its movement that Dean kind of enjoyed, but he found himself missing the steady purring of the Impala. The rumbling of his beloved car had a certain rhythm to it that was almost like speech or song; it was gentle and kind. The longer Dean was in the silent limo, the more he missed the hum of the Impala. By the time he reached the ice cream shop, it was already nine forty five, and Dean mentally cursed himself for stalling in his apartment because it had made him late. Cas had been waiting inside the security of the shop, but he soon emerged from the shop looking startled. Dean grinned as he opened the limo door and got out of the limo gracefully. 

“Dean? What… Is all of this?” Cas asked quizzically as he eyes scanned over the limo and Dean's tuxedo. “I don't understand.” 

Dean gave him a sly grin. “You will soon. Right this way.” He said while imitating the fanciest voice he could conjure up as he opened up the back limo door and gestured gracefully for Cas to enter.

“Dean… I'm very confused.” Cas repeated as his gaze focused solely on Dean. 

“Don't be, Cas.” Dean's voice softened. “It will make sense later; trust me.” He reassured him gently.

That was enough to make Castiel believe him, so Cas awkwardly heaved himself into the backseat of the limo. 

The back of the limo was soft and cushy, Cas noted. It was quite spacious, and it felt quite empty being back there alone. The limo was not empty, however, there was a glass of some type of liquid in the cupholder. Cas sniffed it curiously. It smelled like… Lemonade?

“Is this… Lemonade?” Cas asked genuinely confused.

“It's pink lemonade to be precise.” Dean spoke soft and smoothly.

“That's my favorite…” Cas said in disbelief as his gaze focused on the glass in the cupholder.

“I know. I had some help…” Dean admitted. He had gone over to the apartment earlier that week to ask Gabriel what Castiel's favourite foods were, and Gabriel had willingly complied. 

“You… But why?” things were only getting more confusing rather than making more sense.

“Because you deserve it.” Dean answered simply from his driver's seat.

“I do?” Cas sounded as if he questioned his very existence at that moment.

“Yes you do.” Dean replied without missing a beat.

Cas accepted that as an answer, so he experimentally picked up the glass of pink lemonade. He took a slow cautious sip, and the cool sweet flavor washed over him. He hummed lightly in appreciation, which caused a pleased smile to emerge onto Dean's face. 

So far, so good. He mentally told himself. 

The ride to the cliff was silent with the only exception being Castiel's occasional happy hum. It was peaceful, and Dean knew that Cas enjoyed peace and quiet, so he remained silent the entire time. 

Once they reached the cliff, Dean held his hand up briskly to Cas in a ‘wait here’ kind of way. “Where are you going?” Cas asked worried that Dean was going to leave him, and he would be all alone.

“I'll just be a second.” Dean assured him patiently as he stepped out of the front seat of the car and into the surrounding area. He just needed to make sure that everything was perfect. His eyes scoped out the place critically. It would have looked amazing to anyone else. A few feet away from the limo were what seemed to be hundreds of candles. There was no wind that night, so the candles managed to keep burning brightly and illuminated the cliff edge. The candles were formed to make the word ‘Cas’ in rather large letters that smelled distinctly like cinnamon. There was a blanket located nearby the candles with a vase of pink roses in the center. There was a small picnic basket set to the side of it that looked rather quaint. It was all ready. Dean took a deep. The air was cool and relaxing, but it could do nothing to calm his nerves. He had spent so much time arranging that night, and he had saved up the money for weeks, but what if it wasn't what Cas wanted? 

“Dean?” Cas asked with fear and concern ebbing from his voice as he emerged from the limo. He was so worried that Dean had left him alone in that limo forever, that he would never see Dean again, and that was what he feared the most. He had just found Dean, and he did not want to lose him. Relief washed over Cas when he saw Dean standing just outside the limo, but his mood soon changed when he saw what was laid out in front of him. His eyes scanned everything with an intense curiosity. “What is this…?” He asked in disbelief. That was his name formed by candles that shone brightly through the night. They were all placed perfectly, not a single one out of place, and Cas knew that it must have taken quite some time. 

“It's for you. It's all for you because you deserve it.” Dean’s voice was a sweet whisper that seemed to echo in the night air. 

“Me? But…” Cas was completely frazzled. None of it made any sense. Why would Dean do all of this for him? He was useless and a burden, so why would Dean spend so much time on him? 

“Shh…” Dean silenced Cas as he lifted a slick finger to his own lips. “Sit down.” He motioned for Cas to take a seat at the blanket on the ground.

Cas gave the blanket a skeptical glare. He was unsure of its purpose, but Dean must have put it there for a reason. Cas did not enjoy sitting on the ground. He much preferred soft, elevated areas, but Dean had motioned for him to sit on the blanket, so he reluctantly complied. When he did sit down, he found that the blanket was quite soft, and he rather liked sitting on it. It was warm and fuzzy. “It's like a cat.” Cas muttered happily.

Dean chuckled lightly in affectionate amusement. “I thought you'd like it.” He conceded. 

Cas nodded. “I do, but what is all of this? You never answered my question.” He stated matter-of-factly. 

Dean plopped himself onto the blanket next to Castiel, and he turned to him to look him dead in the eyes. He wanted his words to reach through to him, so he tried to maintain his composure as best he could. “Cas…” Dean began with undisguised affection. “You… Don't listen to what others say because you are worth something. Heck, you're worth way more than something. Cas, you are a human being too, and one of the best ones I've met too. I mean, humans can be awful creatures, but not you. You're sweet and innocent, and you're just this ray of sunshine. It sounds sappy, and believe me, I hate sappy, but it needs to be said, and you need to believe it because it's true. People? They can't see it. They can't see who you are inside because they're shallow, and they don't take the time to know you. You… You have changed me, Cas… And I'm not sure what to do with that, but I do know this… You're important, and you deserve to be cared for.” Dean rambled honestly and unrestricted. It was strange to do that, but he found it quite freeing. He was unsure of what his exact feelings for Cas were, but at least he was able to talk about them honestly. Dean patiently fixed his gaze on Cas awaiting a response.

Cas blinked multiple times as he tried to push back his tears. “I…” He could not believe it. His whole life he had been told that he was a mistake, a no good, a reject, but now he was being told that those people were wrong? The kids at school were wrong. Michael's friends were wrong. Michael was wrong. Cas had always assumed that Michael must have been right. Cas had always seemed to destroy everything he touched, so he figured that Michael had to be right, but… He was wrong? “You… Care about me?” Castiel asked, confusion filling his voice.

“Of course! I wouldn't be here if I didn't.” Dean replied incredulously. “I care about you, so does Gabriel. You are a person who is cared about because you deserve that.” He added with a sweeter tinge to his tone.

A warm smile melted Castiel's facial features once he heard Dean's words. “Thank you.” Those were the only words Cas could manage to say. He felt like crying again. Dean was there to prove him wrong. Dean had just given him worth, and that was the biggest surprise he could ever have. “I care about you too.” Cas managed to choke out after some time.

Dean pulled Cas into a tight hug. “I know.” He muttered. “Now,” he said in a down-to-business kind of voice as he pulled away from Cas. “I brought some food here. It's safe - Sam helped me make it, but it's not going to wait all night. What do you say? Want to have some homemade dinner?” Dean asked coily. 

Cas could not hide the blush that crept onto his cheeks. Dean always had a way for making him blush. Dean was just so sly and flirtatious, and it swept Castiel off his feet to a point where he could no longer find the words to speak. Dean didn't mind though. He actually enjoyed Castiel's blushes. They were adorable, and he just sat back and admired Castiel's beauty whenever he reddened. The crimson really illuminated Castiel's face unlike anyone else's. The blush that crept to his visage brought out his eyes, and you could just see his eyes smiling, and that made Dean undeniably happy.

“I would enjoy that.” Castiel admitted in his flustered state.

“Oh, one more thing.” Dean said as he reached behind his back with a childlike grin growing on his face. He bit his lower lip in an attempt to conceal his excitement as he pulled an object out from behind his back.

Castiel's eyes went wide in pleased shock. In Dean's hands was a stuffed cat that was a little bit on the large side. It had large blue eyes that were about the size of golf balls. The whole cat was about two feet tall and it was entirely gray apart from the pink on its nose. Cas could not keep the excitement from entering his facial features. “A cat.” He muttered in disbelief.

“Gabriel said that we should wait on getting you a real one yet, so I compromised and got you this.” Dean could not help but to share Cas’s excitement. Castiel was so overjoyed to see that stuffed cat, and that made Dean happy. He was unsure why, but it did, and for that time being, it was fine being unexplained. “Do you like it?” Dean asked worriedly as he handed it to Cas.

Cas eagerly took the stuffed animal into his arms and pulled it close to him. It was extremely soft and it smelled distinctly like Dean. He breathed in the heavy scent of axe and roses. The smell danced around his nostrils, and he felt as if he were in heaven. “I love it.” He mumbled as he buried his face into chest of the stuffed cat.

“You're going to pay more attention to that thing than me now.” Dean joked, but Cas pulled his face out of the fluff of the stuffed cat to stare wide eyed at Dean.

“I would not do that.” Cas sounded astounded and frightened by the suggestion.

“I know.” Dean said reassuringly as he leaned in and gave Cas a small kiss on the forehead. “Would you like to eat now?” He asked softly. Castiel gave Dean a small nod in response. He kept the cat in his arms the whole night, but he kept his attention on Dean, and Dean did the same. Maybe the rest of the world had rejected them, but they mattered in each other's eyes, and that was the most heavenly feeling either of them could have. 

\-----------------

Dean was sitting at the counter of the ice cream shop and he was talking intently with Castiel, and Cas was listening carefully and chiming in when he felt it appropriate. That was their ritual. Dean went to the ice cream shop every day after work and they would talk. Sometimes Cas led the conversations, and other times Dean led them, but they were never one sided. Anything one of them showed interest in, the other quickly gained interest in just by listening to the other talk about the subject. Every Friday they would go out to the cliff and they would lie there and stare up at the stars and dream of their future, and each time they did it, their dreams became more entwined. They were becoming closer and closer by the day, and they both knew it. They had been doing their ritual for months, and Sam had not stopped mentioning how long that Dean and Cas's relationship was lasting, and how that alone made it special. 

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean would warningly tease, but Sam would say something like, “but it's true. He is something special to you. I can see it in the way you are around him. You're so much more… Open. You don't seem to hide any feelings from him, and honestly, I think that has been really good for you, and I'm happy for you, Dean. I really am.” 

Sam was not the only one who noticed how Dean had changed. Bobby would make remarks about how Dean's “head’s up in the clouds, and the stubborn idjit wouldn't take it out. He’s stuck up there, but at least he's happy.” That was about as openly endearing as Bobby would get - evidently Dean learned his habit of hiding feelings from him. Gabriel could not be happier for Cas and Dean. It was like a wish come true for him. Someone showed Cas his worth, and that was what Gabriel wanted more than anything. They were all so happy for them, but there was still one thing left to resolve… 

“Dean..?” Cas asked lightly to get Dean's attention.

“Yeah, babe?” Dean said with a small attentive bite of his lower lip.

“Well, we've been together for a while, so I was wondering if…” Cas trailed off as he pondered how to phrase his question. 

Dean waited patiently for Cas to finish. Cas's pauses or stutters were not awkward to him; they had become natural.

“Are you ready to meet my mother?” Castiel asked, wary of the answer. Even though he knew that Dean cared about him, he could not shake the fear that he would drive Dean away in some way.

Dean placed his hand on top of Castiel's reassuringly. “Of course. I can't wait to meet her if she's half as wonderful as you are.” He sweetly cooed.

Castiel blushed as he placed his hand on top of Dean's. “Thank you. She is a very nice woman, but she is very ill, so please be well behaved.” He informed him.

Dean loved the fact that Cas did not refuse the compliment. He accepted it because he finally found himself to be worth accepting, and that was because of Dean. “Of course. Whatever you want.” Dean compiled without any hesitation. He had wanted to meet Cas’s mom for some time, but he had been waiting for Cas to bring it up. 

“Good. We can visit her tomorrow after we have our talking session here.” Castiel stated, relieved that Dean was fine with meeting his mom - no. Dean was excited to meet his mother. This is good. Castiel decided. I'm finally bringing all of my family together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love comments!


	5. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who read, leave kudos, and comment!

Dean was sitting at the counter of the ice cream shop and he was talking intently with Castiel, and Cas was listening carefully and chiming in when he felt it appropriate. That was their ritual. Dean went to the ice cream shop every day after work and they would talk. Sometimes Cas led the conversations, and other times Dean led them, but they were never one sided. Anything one of them showed interest in, the other quickly gained interest in just by listening to the other talk about the subject. Every Friday they would go out to the cliff and they would lie there and stare up at the stars and dream of their future, and each time they did it, their dreams became more entwined. They were becoming closer and closer by the day, and they both knew it. They had been doing their ritual for months, and Sam had not stopped mentioning how long that Dean and Cas's relationship was lasting, and how that alone made it special. 

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean would warningly tease, but Sam would say something like, “but it's true. He is something special to you. I can see it in the way you are around him. You're so much more… Open. You don't seem to hide any feelings from him, and honestly, I think that has been really good for you, and I'm happy for you, Dean. I really am.” 

Sam was not the only one who noticed how Dean had changed. Bobby would make remarks about how Dean's “head’s up in the clouds, and the stubborn idjit wouldn't take it out. He’s stuck up there, but at least he's happy.” That was about as openly endearing as Bobby would get - evidently Dean learned his habit of hiding feelings from him. Gabriel could not be happier for Cas and Dean. It was like a wish come true for him. Someone showed Cas his worth, and that was what Gabriel wanted more than anything. They were all so happy for them, but there was still one thing left to resolve… 

“Dean..?” Cas asked lightly to get Dean's attention.

“Yeah, babe?” Dean said with a small attentive bite of his lower lip.

“Well, we've been together for a while, so I was wondering if…” Cas trailed off as he pondered how to phrase his question. 

Dean waited patiently for Cas to finish. Cas's pauses or stutters were not awkward to him; they had become natural.

“Are you ready to meet my mother?” Castiel asked, wary of the answer. Even though he knew that Dean cared about him, he could not shake the fear that he would drive Dean away in some way.

Dean placed his hand on top of Castiel's reassuringly. “Of course. I can't wait to meet her if she's half as wonderful as you are.” He sweetly cooed.

Castiel blushed as he placed his hand on top of Dean's. “Thank you. She is a very nice woman, but she is very ill, so please be well behaved.” He informed him.

Dean loved the fact that Cas did not refuse the compliment. He accepted it because he finally found himself to be worth accepting, and that was because of Dean. “Of course. Whatever you want.” Dean compiled without any hesitation. He had wanted to meet Cas’s mom for some time, but he had been waiting for Cas to bring it up. 

“Good. We can visit her tomorrow after we have our talking session here.” Castiel stated, relieved that Dean was fine with meeting his mom - no. Dean was excited to meet his mother. This is good. Castiel decided. I'm finally bringing all of my family together.

\---------------------------

Dean sat rigidly in the waiting room chair as he focused solely on the clock in front of him. It was almost time. In about three minutes, he would meet Castiel's mom. He had never been that nervous about meeting someone's parents before - he often never even did because he was not with said person for long enough, but if he did, then his or her parents never seemed to like Dean. They would say that Dean just came off as a cheater and a lier, and to some extent, he was. He had been, but Cas was different, and he had to make his mom believe that. 

Cas must have been able to sense Dean's nervousness because he gently laid one of his hands on top of Dean's to give it a reassuring squeeze. “She'll like you. I know she will.” Castiel assured him with the utmost certainty. 

“How can you be sure of that? I'm not exactly the parent’s favorite kind of type.” Dean spoke anxiously.

“Because I like you. My mom may not have always been there, but she always wanted me to be happy. If she sees how important you are to me, then she will undoubtedly like you.” There was not a trace of doubt in Castiel's tone. Instead, he sounded sweet and confident, which was quite a long way from how he spoke when he first met Dean quite a few months back in the ice cream shop.

“Thanks, babe.” Dean said gratefully as he planted a light kiss on Castiel's forehead. “You always know exactly what to say to me.” He said in amazement and gratitude.

Cas smiled warmly. “Only because you've helped me get here. I wouldn't be able to talk this freely if it weren't for you.” He admitted modestly. It was true though. Castiel had been scared of his own shadow before he met Dean. Talking was so hard for him, especially after what had happened with Michael, but Dean helped to remedy that. It never went away, but he just had more confidence now. He was no longer afraid of expressing himself, and that was what was important. It did not matter if he still moved awkwardly or fidgeted. It didn't matter if he still stuttered when he was embarrassed. All that mattered was that he was him, and he was not afraid of that.

“I could say the same. I've never been one for romantics, but I actually like them when I'm around you. Heck, I like a lot of things more when I'm around you, including cats.” Dean rambled happily. “I like me a lot more when I'm around you.” He added as his voice dropped down to a whisper. They made each other better, and they both knew that. They had not ever really liked themselves before. Actually, they has grown to hate themselves, but after meeting each other, they were able to not only like each other, but like themselves in the process simply because they found something valuable in each other.

“I agree.” Castiel stated sweetly as his fingers began to trace shapes onto Dean’s palm. He liked the way that Dean's hand felt. It was warm and soft, so he enjoyed stroking it affectionately. Dean enjoyed it as well because he liked the smooth way Cas trailed his fingers along Dean's hands. It was soothing and comforting. It was peaceful.

Or, it was peaceful until a nurse came down from the hallway with a clipboard in hand. She was a dark haired woman, and she was on the short side. Her facial features were rounded, but she had a small semi sweet smirk on her face. “Castiel.” She called the name with a playful affection.

Cas took that as his queue to stand up, so he heaved himself out of his chair, and Dean soon followed. Dean, however was staring at the nurse wondering why she said Castiel's name that way. Maybe she just knows him because he visits a lot. Dean told himself. That was logical, but it still did not change the way that she has said his name, and he found that to be more bothersome. 

“Hello, Castiel.” The nurse said as her smirk widened as Cas walked up to her with Dean dragging behind him.

“Hello, Meg.” Castiel said neutrally as he stopped right in front of her. “I'm here to see my mother.” He stated blankly.

“I know. That's why you come. You never come just to see me.” She said with a small fake frown. “Maybe you should sometime.” She added coily.

Dean felt his blood begin to boil. This nurse was flirting with Castiel in a hospital when he had come to see his dying mother! Flirting with Cas… “No. And he shouldn't. Cas doesn't have time to waste on desperate nurses.” Dean retorted jealously as he joined Castiel by his side and grabbed his hand to show her that Cas was his.

The nurse seemed unmoved by Dean's insult. She simply raised a delicate eyebrow as Dean and Cas held hands. “You didn't tell me you had a pet.” She tried to sound sweet and innocent to Castiel, but to anyone other than him it was obvious that she was insulting Dean.

“I don't.” Cas said thoroughly confused.

“He doesn't.” Dean countered coolly. “Just a useless stray mutt.” He maintained his composure when he spoke even as he looked her dead in the eyes when speaking.

Meg's eye twitched in irritation. “Better a mutt than a broken toy.” She returned his gaze unflinching.

Dean wanted to respond again, but he took one look at the confused look on Castiel's face and he knew that it was time to stop. Cas had no idea what had just happened, and it was not really fair to fight like that in front of him.

“Just take us to his mom.” Dean grumbled. He hated backing down from a challenge, but it had to be done. That was not what they were there for.

“Right this way.” She replied without missing a beat as she motioned for them to follow her down the hallway.

Dean and Cas both followed her down the hallway in a suspenseful silence. Neither of them said anything, but they kept their hands entwined the entire time. 

“Right here.” She said curtly as she stopped at a hospital room. 

“Thank you.” Cas muttered once they had stopped.

“Anytime.” That grin came back onto her face again, and Dean found that he wanted to knock it right off. He knew that was uncalled for, but he couldn't help what he was feeling. Nobody should talk to Cas like that except me. 

She walked off without another word, but Cas turned his attention immediately towards Dean. “Are you ready?” He asked as if nothing had just happened. The thing was, Cas didn't know that something had happened.

“Cas, She was flirting with you! Why would you let her do that?!” Dean asked in disbelief.

Castiel's head tilted to the side as his eyes narrowed in confusion. “She was?” He asked genuinely surprised. 

“Yes!” Dean declared incredulously. 

“Maybe you are confused. Meg is just very nice.” Cas opted.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. “No. I'm certain of it.”

“Oh. I'm sorry, Dean. I-I didn't know.” Cas muttered his apology sincerely.

Dean placed a gentle hand on Castiel's shoulder. “It's okay. I know.” Dean promised him. “Now,” he began again after a pause. “Let's go see your mom, okay?” He asked gently.

Castiel nodded his head in agreement. That was what they had come to do after all, so they grabbed onto each other's hands again before entering the room.

\--------------------------

The hospital room was dimly lit, but there was a small amount of light seeping from the window at the far wall and into the room. That light seemed to be the only light in the room because the overhead lights were turned off. The room was deathly silent apart from the incessant beeping of a heart monitor that was hooked up to a woman in a bed in the center of the room. She was laying down with her eyes close, but she was not asleep, not quite. She was simply closing her eyes to try and forget the pain. She was probably on some sort of painkiller in addition to the chemotherapy she had gone through, but it could not save her. Her life was in God's hands. There was nothing more the doctors could really do. She was not supposed to have lived that long as it was. The doctors had predicted her to die around two months ago, but she was still holding on, too afraid to let go. The woman lying in the bed had a strange essence about her. She vibrated with hope and happiness. You could see that from the vividly content smile that was placed on her face. She was in so much pain; her body was frail and pale and her head was wrapped in a bandana, but yet she still seemed peaceful.

“Mom? It's Cas.” Castiel spoke so quietly that Dean began to question if his mom could hear him, but he was proven wrong when her eyelids began to forcefully flutter open. 

“Cas…” Her voice was filled with pain and suffering, but she still sounded so happy to see her son again. She reached her hand out to touch his face, and he bent down very slowly to let her. She began to stroke his visage delicately as if it were the softest thing she had ever felt. She was staring at Cas with wide eyes like this was the last and first time she had laid eyes on him. “You've changed.” She acknowledged with pain lining her voice. She was not there to see that change happen, and that made her feel regret. After all of her time in the hospital, she began to regret not being more involved in the lives of her sons. She would probably not get the chance to now, so all she wanted to do was spend as much time with them as possible. 

“Yes. I have.” Cas agreed. “And that is because of Dean.” He told her energetically. “Remember?” 

His mother nodded. “Yes… You've told me a lot about him.” Her voice sounded more strained the more she spoke, but she was insistent on continuing to talk. She was not going to let her illness deprive her of her time with her son.

“Yes. This is him. This is Dean.” Cas’s voice was filled with affection as he motioned for Dean to come over. Dean took a few hesitant steps towards Castiel and his mother. He didn't know what to say. Cas had never told him too much about his mother, so he was unsure how to handle the situation. 

He gave her a nervous smile. “Hey. I'm Dean.” He tried to keep his normal cool composure until he remembered that he was trying to appear likeable, so he added, “Nice to meet you.”

A weak smile filled the woman's face. “It's lovely to meet you too, Dean. I have heard all about you, so you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.” She gently scolded.

“Oh.” Dean said taken by surprise. He had expected to have to be polite and try to butter her up, but apparently she already knew what kind of a man Dean was, and she obviously did not think of him as a polite one. “Guess there's no use in pretending, huh?” He said with an amused chuckle. “Same goes with Cas. He just knows when someone's lying about anything.” Dean spoke in awe of Castiel's observational skills.

Castiel blushed at the compliment, but a proud smile emerged from his mother's face. So Cas was right. This man really was as taken as he had said. This man had evidently changed Cas because of Castiel's confidence, and Dean was generally in awe of Cas. Cas had found someone. She had trouble believing it when Gabriel told her, and it was even harder to believe from Castiel's mouth. Cas was a nice kid, but no one else ever saw that. It took her by surprise to learn that someone finally did. 

“Cas,” She began sweetly but firmly. “Do you mind if I talk to Dean alone for a while?”

Cas nodded in response as he stood up to leave the room shooting Dean a reassuring glance as he left.

Dean gulped nervously. He was alone with a woman who he knew next to nothing about. “So… How's the food here?” Dean tried to find something to talk about, so his mind went instinctively to food.

Castiel's mother weakly shook her head. “Please don't start like that. I want to talk to you about Cas.” Her voice sounded desperate and final.

Dean took another step closer. “What about Cas?” He asked curiously.

She sighed. “Everything.” She said with a voice dripping with regret. “I want to know what he's been like all of this time I've been in the hospital.” She sounded almost pleading, and Dean actually felt bad for her. He didn't think he would have because Gabriel and Cas had both told him that she had never been too involved in their lives. She had been oblivious to what Michael had done to Cas, and that seemed like terrible parenting in Dean's book - although, Dean had no parents upon which to base that judgement. 

“Hasn't he told you? I mean, he visits, right?” Dean leaned in towards her to hear her weakening voice better.

She closed her eyes solemnly. “Yes. He does, but I want to hear it from you because you are close to him and you know him well. I want to hear about how far he's come and how happy he is.” There was a faint smile on her face just at the thought of Castiel finally being joyful.

“He is… I think he's very happy. I know I am. He makes me happy like no one else has before. I think I make him happy too. Cas is a kind person, and it took some time for him to realize that, but once he realized what he was worth, he was able to become so much happier.” Dean spoke honestly to the sickly woman lying down in the bed next to him.

Her faint smile strengthened once she heard Dean's words. “Thank you. Thank you for being there for him when I couldn't… I wish I had been there more…” The regret from earlier found its way back into her voice.

“Why weren't you?” Dean's frustration at her absent parenting began to show.

“I was working so much that I hardly had time to spend on the boys. I am a single mom. Castiel's father left me when Cas was just an infant, and I struggled to maintain the family that I had without even realizing that it was falling apart.” She sounded so mad at herself and so full of regret that Dean hesitated before asking his next question. 

“Did you know what Michael did to Cas?”

“No. I didn't know. Gabriel told me about it, but I didn't know until he told me, and he didn't tell me until Michael had joined the army. I think he was afraid of getting Michael in trouble, or maybe he was afraid of him. Maybe he loved him too much… I know Cas did, but nevertheless, I still found out when it was too late to do anything. I had a suspicion…” More regret ebbed into her voice, and although Dean was angry that she had not even noticed what Michael had done to Cas, he still felt bad for her. She was on her deathbed, and she was full of regrets. The last thing she needed was Dean lecturing her on what she should have done.

“I wish I took care of him better… But you can.” Her voice brightened up a little bit at the possibility. “Promise me that you'll take care of Cas. Keep him safe and happy for me, okay?” 

There was a silent pause as Dean considered the prospect. He wanted to keep Cas safe; he really did, but was it really his place to make a promise like that? She's so ill that she could die at any moment. All she wants to know is that her son will be safe, and that's what I want too. I can't deny her that. I won't. Cas needs to be safe - for her and for me. “I promise. Don't you worry. Cas will be so happy and safe that people are going to begin to think that he made a deal with the devil.” Dean gave her a reassuring grin.

“Thank you.” She said softly before drifting off into sleep.

\---------------------------

“How did it go?” Cas asked once Dean emerged from the hospital room.

“Well, I think... You know,” Dean looked back into the hospital room one final time before closing the door. “I kind of like her. I didn't think I would, but I did.” He admitted, his eyes still glassy from his emotional promise he had just made. He rubbed them in an attempt to hide it, but Castiel had already noticed.

“What's wrong, Dean?” Cas’s tone sounded genuinely concerned.

“Nothing. It's just… Hard to see someone like that.” That was true, but it was not the whole truth. Dean did not want to tell Cas about the promise he had made in there, so he told him something else that had bothered him.

Cas nodded his agreement. There was more to it than that, and he knew it, but he understood Dean's reluctance to talk about it. “Do you… Want to talk about it?” He asked softly.

“Not here, Cas. Maybe in the car.” Dean pretend to agree to talk about what just happened, and Castiel accepted that as an answer.

“Come on then.” Cas persuaded gently as he began to walk back down the hallway and towards the waiting room, and Dean followed him in silence unsure of how much he should tell him.

\-------------------

“Dean…” Cas began once they were in the Impala. Cas was riding shotgun as he had become accustomed to seeing as he couldn't drive. That gave him too much anxiety. Cas debated on asking Dean about the hospital visit again. Something in there had upset Dean, and he was unsure what. He wanted to know, but he also felt like Dean was trying to keep that a secret for a reason. 

“She loves you. You know that right?” Dean blurted out randomly, but it made sense to Cas. His mother must have been talking about him, and that was why Dean did not want to tell him. 

“I know.” Cas responded gently. “We don't have to talk about this anymore… It hurts…” Cas meant that for both him and Dean, but there was such obvious pain in his voice that it sounded like he was the intended target.

“Cas…” Dean had nearly forgotten that it must have hurt Cas to see his mother like that. “I'm sorry. We won't talk about it anymore, okay?”

Cas nodded a couple of times to show his agreement. 

They did not talk about Castiel's mother the rest of the car ride back to the Novak residence, but once they arrived at the apartment, Dean felt like he was neglecting the promise he had just made by letting Cas go into that apartment all alone. Gabriel had found an overnight job at a pub now, and he worked all night in addition to his shifts as a janitor during the day. 

“You know what, Cas? Let's watch a movie tonight.” Dean said finally once Cas had left the Impala.

“A movie…? But… It's late.” Cas stated in confusion.

“I know, but I think it would be nice. We could go over to the cinema, or maybe just back to my apartment. I have a few movies back there, some real great ones too-”

“I'd like to stay here if that's alright. We can watch a movie here.” Castiel suggested timidly. 

Dean lifted his eyebrows in surprise at the suggestion. “Sure. I don't see why not. Whatcha got?” He asked as he heaved himself out of the front seat of the Impala.

“We have Netflix. It's really Michael's account, but he's not around…”

“Sweet.” Dean tried to distract Cas from the fact that he had just mentioned Michael. “Let's watch ourselves a movie, shall we?” He said with a childlike grin as he led Cas over to the apartment steps. 

Cas opened the door with his key and made sure to hold the door open for Dean before leading Dean through the familiar dark tunnel of walls and hallways to the Novak's apartment room. With a click of a key, Dean and Cas were allowed access to the small apartment, which seemed to still be bright even at eleven at night. 

“What are we watching tonight?” Dean asked casually as he flopped himself onto the sofa he had sat on when he had talked to Gabriel about Michael.

“Whatever you want.” Cas stated that like it was obvious as he sat himself down next to Dean.

“Why don't you pick?” Dean suggested sweetly as he handed the remote to Cas.

“Me?” Cas sounded confused. “You wouldn't be interested in what I watch…” He mumbled, embarrassed.

“Sure I would. If you like it, I'll give it a try.” Dean assured him as he continued to hold the remote out for Cas to take it.

Reluctantly, Cas took the remote from Dean's hand and turned on the TV. The television set was Michael's as well. Michael got good money for being in the army, but it meant that he was not around much to use the things that he bought, so Gabriel and Cas were free to use them. Gabriel did try to save up to buy nice things for Cas every so often, but money was tight, so he was not able to do it as often as he wished. He saved up money every year to buy Cas both a Christmas and a birthday present even if that involved skipping a meal every so often. He just wanted Cas to be happy, and now, so did Dean.

Dean pulled a blanket off of the arm of the sofa and wrapped it around himself and then Cas. 

Cas snuggled into the warmth of the blanket and then into Dean. He leaned into him, combining their body heat as he gently rested his head on Dean's shoulder. He made a content humming sound when Dean laid his head delicately on top of Castiel's and proceeded to wrap his arm around him. They were happy like that. They were safe, and that made Dean feel like he was keeping his promise, and he liked the way that felt because he liked being with Cas.

Cas put on The Princess Bride, and Dean decided that he didn't actually hate it. He actually thought it was kind of funny, but there was a point when Dean stopped paying attention because he realized how much he actually liked being around Cas like that. 

“Cas?” Dean asked gently.

“Mhm.” Cas muttered a half awake response. 

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I love you too, Dean.” Cas replied groggily. “Why are you saying this now?” He asked as he straightened up to look at Dean in curiosity.

“I've been thinking. Maybe when Sam graduates, we ought to move in together.” Dean proposed casually.

There was a long silence. “Cas…?” He prodded nervously. 

“I might like that.” Cas considered before making his decision. “Yes. I think I would enjoy that.” 

“Me too.” Dean agreed. “I'd like to be around you more.”

Cas began to perk up. “We can move into the house by the lake!” He began with excitement as a smile spread across his face.

“We’d have to save up for that.” Dean replied realistically.

“We could do it. I'll save up any money I can, and so can you. I can get an extra job, and then… We'll have what we've dreamed of.” Cas sounded distantly excited.

“Yeah… I'd like that…” Dean agreed sincerely. He would love to live in a house by the lake with Cas, but he was unsure that they'd ever have the money to do that no matter how many jobs they got. He wanted to make that work. That was their dream, and he wanted to accomplish that. 

“Someday…” Cas muttered as he began to drift off into sleep while snuggled into Dean's shoulder. Cas went to sleep with peaceful thoughts of his dream life at the lake house with Dean, and he was as happy and safe as could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, criticism and comments are welcome


	6. You're not broken, just bent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague description of death, nothing major

Ms. Novak died that night. The call came in that morning at around eight o'clock, but it was Dean who answered the phone in order to give Cas the pleasure of sleeping in. 

“Ms. Novak passed away last night. She died in her sleep. I'm very sorry for your loss.” The words stuck in the phone as Dean sat there emptily unsure of what to do with that information. Gabriel was not home yet. He'd be back in about an hour. Cas was asleep. Neither one was present to learn about their mother's death. Dean hung up the phone. He walked over to the sofa and began pacing back and forth. How would Cas react? Could he even handle that kind of loss? Dean began to bite his lower lip in frustration and thought. Everything had been going so well, but now… He didn't know how this would change things, but he knew that it would.

“Dean?” Cas asked groggily. “What's wrong?” He looked up to see Dean pacing about behind the sofa. 

Dean stopped his anxious movements at the sound of Cas's voice. Castiel needed to know what happened, but he didn't want him to know. He didn't want him to hurt like that. “Cas…” He began in the softest tone he could manage.

“What?” Cas’ eyes widened when Dean took on that tone. Something bad was coming. He just knew it.

“Your mom… She passed away in her sleep last night. She is at peace now.” Dean put it as gently as he knew how, but he was not at all used to that kind of thing.

“N-no.” Cas gasped in all of his breath at once. He felt himself go weak in the knees. “She-she can't be… She's supposed to get better… Better..” He muttered in disbelief. His eyes had grown so wide from shock that they looked like they could bulge out of his head.

“I know, but she's better now. She's not sick anymore. She's not in pain.” Dean promised Cas.

“But… She's supposed to be here… With me… And Gabe… And Michael… We're supposed to be a family…” Cas choked out as tears began to swell up in his eyes. His knees gave out and he fell to the floor. 

Dean raced over to Castiel’s side and held him in his arms. “I know, but it's okay. I'm here. I'm here, Cas, and I'll be your family.” He murmured assuringly as he began to stroke Castiel's head. He let him sob in his arms for a while. Cas just sat there, clinging to Dean with his arms thrown around his neck. He just cried into Dean's chest, hardly even hearing Dean's occasional words of comfort. 

\-------------------

They were like that until Gabriel came home. Gabriel was exhausted from his nighttime shift, and he was really looking forward to his three hours of sleep before he had to go to work as a janitor. When he opened that apartment room door, he saw Cas and Dean on the floor, and he knew that he could forget any kind of sleep for the day. 

“Cassie!” Gabriel shouted in fear as his eyes widened. “What happened?!” He demanded as he came running over to Cas and Dean dropping his keys to the ground in the process. 

Dean cleared his throat to answer him, but he was surprised when Cas spoke up for him. “Dead. Dead. Dead. She’s dead. Mom's dead.” He muttered into Dean’s shirt, which was now covered in tears and snot.

Gabriel’s eyes widened slightly. He knew that was coming. Cas had managed to convince himself that she would get better, but Gabriel had known better. That didn't take the pain away though. He felt his eyes begin to well up with tears, but he ignored them for the moment. He needed to be strong for Cas. He couldn't cry, not there. 

“Cas..” Gabriel said as he placed his hand on Castiel's shaking shoulder. “It's okay, Cassie. We've got you.” His voice held nothing but the utmost sincerity and kindness as he exchanged a glance with Dean, who gave him a solemn nod. 

“We'll take care of you.” Dean agreed. He had made a promise to Castiel's mom, and he intended to keep it. Now, that promise was more important than it had been before. Cas needed him now. It would be hard, but he would help Cas through this.

\----------------------

Michael came home for the funeral. It was a small gathering, considering that the Novaks did not have much in the way of friends or family. There was no sign of Castiel’s father or any of his family for that matter. It was just Gabriel, Michael, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Jess, and a couple members of the hospital staff. Despite the small crowd, there was still a heavy silence of grief surrounding the area. The clouds were dark, gray, and looming, but there was no rain, not even a single drop the whole time. It was just cloudy.

They had Ms. Novak cremated because they did not want Cas to have to look at her dead body. Castiel insisted that they spread her ashes somewhere happy like a lake, so that she could be happy while she slept, and it took quite a bit of persuasion to convince him that they could not spread her ashes too close to a body of water for health reasons. They had not yet found a substitute sight, but Gabriel promised Cas that they would find a sight just as peaceful as the lake.

Seeing as there was no body to be buried, the funeral was more of a goodbye ritual than a burial. The small group gathered in silence as a priest began to lecture on about peace and eternal life. The whole time Castiel's hand never left the hold of Dean's. Cas looked as if he had been run over by a truck. He seemed seriously pained, but it was as if he was trying to hold it back. He wanted to be strong, just like Gabriel.

At some point in the speech, Cas found that he was beginning to break down. He didn't know how much more of this he could handle. His mother was dead. It just seemed like these people were rubbing it in, and nothing they said seemed to be of any comfort. Cas felt his fists begin to tighten as promises of a happy life were flooded into his ear.

Dean felt Cas's hand tense up in his, and he could see the angry, pained tears beginning to form in the corners of Castiel’s eyes. Dean silently leaned over to him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek as he wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and pulled him in towards him as if silently saying, I've got you, Cas. 

Cas closed his eyes as he felt Dean's warmth begin to surround him. His mother was dead, but Dean was there as well as Gabriel, and now, so was Michael. They were okay. They could make it through this. That's what his mother would have wanted. Dean was his shelter, protecting him from a consuming grief.

When it came time for Gabriel to do the eulogy, Cas straightened up as much as he could without shaking Dean's arm from around his shoulder. Upon seeing Cas try to sit up straight, Dean went to courteously remove his arm from around him, but he was taken by surprise as Castiel grabbed onto it and held it firmly in place. He turned his wide, sad puppy dog eyes towards Dean in a pleading manner as if begging him to keep his arm there. I need it. I need you. His gaze silently told Dean.

Dean gave Cas a very faint smile as he then gave him a quick comforting kiss on the head. I'm here. Dean's vibrant green eyes responded.

Gabriel had been distracted by Cas and Dean's silent connection momentarily. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Even there, Cas and Dean were still bonded. They were still communicating and helping each other, and maybe they weren't happy, but they were coping. They were going to get through it together, and anyone could tell just by looking at the way the two of them looked at each other, the two of them could get through anything. That made Gabriel happy. His eyes were clouded with grief, but yet Castiel and Dean had almost made a smile form on his face.

“My mom was always there for me.” Gabriel began in a voice that sounded forcefully strong. “She was always there if I needed something. No matter what. She worked hard as a single mother of three, but she never gave up…”

Gabriel's words went on in the background, and Cas found himself getting lost in thought almost as soon as his brother had started. It was real. All of it was real. He was not going to see his mother again. She was not getting better. They were not all going to be one happy family. 

Cas began to choke on his own tears. “She's not dead.” He muttered quietly to himself with wide eyes.

Dean immediately focused all of his attention on Cas. “Shh. Cas it's okay, baby.” He soothed as he rubbed Castiel's shoulder in a comforting manner.

“She’s not dead.” Cas repeated a little bit louder.

“Cas…” Dean tried again, but Cas pushed him away.

“She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead!” Cas was getting increasingly louder, flinging himself from his chair. “She's not dead!” He shouted again as his body began to tremble. His face was streaked with tears and his voice was shaky. “She can't…” He muttered as he fell down to the ground in a fit of grief.

Dean sprang up from his chair and raced over to Cas. Gabriel immediately stopped his speech and joined him. Dean bent down and pulled Cas into his arms similar to the way he had when Castiel first discovered his mother's death. “I know, Cas. I know.” 

Gabriel bent down to put a reassuring hand on Castiel's shoulder as Dean spoke. 

“She's gone…” Cas murmured in a broken voice. “She's actually gone.”

Michael watched the whole scene from a distant with no emotion present on his face. He seemed unfazed by the entire ceremony. He just stood there motionless.

Sam watched from his spot in the audience. He felt bad for Cas, but he knew better than to interfere because he did not know him too well. However, he still wished there was some way he could help him. 

His girlfriend, Jess, leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Poor thing. I hope that they can help him.” Jess was one of the sweetest people Sam had ever met as well as one of the smartest. They intended on going to Stanford together, and someday they planned to get married. That was why she was there. She had never met Castiel's mother, but she had met Cas himself on a couple of occasions.

“Me too.” Sam agreed as he pulled Jess in closer to him. 

The hospital staff left pretty soon after Cas's breakdown, and so did Michael, but Sam and Jess stayed until Dean and Gabriel were able to coax Castiel to get up.

They all walked out of there in silence. Cas was propped up with one arm around Gabriel and the other around Dean for support. They were one family, and Cas was beginning to see that. Maybe they didn't have his mom anymore, but they were still there for each other, and that gave him comfort, and so as he was being carried away, he had a vague ghost of a smile on his face because he had his family all around him.

\---------------------

Michael stayed in the apartment for the next couple of weeks. The whole time, Dean insisted that Cas stay at his apartment for two reasons: he didn't want Cas to ever be alone, and he would be if he was in the apartment while Gabriel was at work, but more importantly, he did not want Cas to be alone with Michael.Gabriel had to agree with him. He hated to admit it, but Dean was right. Michael had been in the army for the past couple of years, meaning they had not seen him for a while. He was unpredictable, so lately, Cas had been staying over at Dean's apartment. 

Usually, Gabriel worked night shifts at the pub, but said pub was closed that evening for the owner’s family holiday. 

“Gabriel's going to be at your place tonight.” Dean informed Cas as they were curled up on the couch with with his arm slung around Castiel casually. “Wanna go back tonight?” Dean asked, as if afraid of the answer being yes. 

Cas furrowed his brow in thought for a moment. He wanted to go home and be with Gabriel. After all, he had only seen his brother when he came over to Dean's apartment after work to visit or when Cas was able to go back to the apartment while Michael was out. He missed being around Gabriel, but he also liked being with Dean. He was still grieving for his mother, and it really helped him to have Dean's comforting arms around him. 

“I don't mind. You can go if you want.” Dean spoke sweetly as he placed his head in the crook of Castiel's neck. They were laying together on the couch so close that Cas could feel Dean's warmth all around him, and it felt so comforting that he didn't want to leave. 

“Maybe Gabe could come here for the night?” He asked with a pleading tone as he turned his wide blue eyes towards Dean.

Dean considered the suggestion for a moment. “A slumber party? Like we're thirteen year old girls?” He was slightly amused.

“A what?” Cas asked, thoroughly confused.

“Like a sleepover except with obnoxious giggles and gossip.” Dean explained patiently. 

“Ah.” Cas responded simply. “No. I don't think that's what I want.” His brow furrowed even further in careful thought. 

Dean let out a small amused chuckle as he began to trail one of his hands down Castiel's arm affectionately. “Nobody wants one.” He responded jokingly.

Cas nodded as he tried to understand the concept. “Why would we have one with Gabriel then?” He inquired with innocent confusion..

The smile didn't leave Dean's face the whole time he was talking to Cas. “It was just a joke.” He explained gently.

“Oh.” Cas said in realization. “But he can stay?” He asked his original question with almost as much entreaty as before. 

“Yeah. Sure. You and your family are always welcome here.” Dean replied warmly as he snuggled closer to Castiel's shoulder, breathing in his sweet cinnamon scent.

“Thank you, Dean. I’ll call Gabriel.” Cas stated appreciatively as he shifted around in Dean's arms in an attempt to get up.

“Could it wait a little while?” Dean almost sounded whiny as he turned his shining green eyes towards Cas, begging him to stay with him. “Please.” He added with a coy pouting lip.

Cas sighed. “Just five more minutes.” He agreed reluctantly before settling back into Dean's arms.

“Ten.” Dean muttered groggily but contently as soon as he felt Cas's warmth again. He allowed himself to melt back into his peaceful position on the couch.

“Fine. Ten. No more than that.” Cas conceded contently as he too began to drift off while in Dean's arms.

One thing was for sure, they were there for a lot more than ten minutes. They were there for hours, sleeping peacefully and forgetting the pain and suffering of the world if even just for a moment.

\-------------------

Gabriel was on his way back to his apartment when his cell phone rang. He briefly looked down at the caller ID. It was Cas. Without another thought, he pulled over into the parking lot of the nearest shop, which happened to be a rather sketchy gas station. He frantically grabbed his phone from the cup holder and pressed it to his ear. He steadied his voice as much as he could, but he was always worried about Cas. Grief was new to Castiel, and he was unsure of how he would have taken it. Gabriel feared that Cas would break down again at any moment. Contrary to his fear, Cas actually appeared to be getting better. It was slow but evident. 

“Cas? Is everything okay?” He tried desperately to keep the worry and concern from entering his voice because he wanted to be strong for his younger brother However, some of his emotions managed to creep into his words. 

“Everything is fine.” Cas assured him awkwardly. He was unused to comforting those who were worried. He still had a lot to learn about social situations, but he was making progress. “I would just like for you to come over. Dean has invited for you to spend the night here.”

Relief swept over Gabriel like the tide, but it was soon replaced by a doubtful touch to his tone. “Over there? With you two love birds? No thanks. I'd rather not be an awkward third wheel.” Gabriel sassed into the phone.

“Sam will be here too. Dean said it would be a slumber party…” Cas added, still uncertain as to of the term’s actual meaning.

“Oh, so I'm going to come over to paint Dean's nails and braid Sam's hair? Sounds like fun. Sign me up.” Gabriel lightly joked into the phone, until he remembered that Cas was not the best at picking up on jokes. “I'll come over if you want me there, Cassie.” He clarified in a sweeter tone.

“Thank you, Gabe.” Cas said with what could be taken as a tinge of excitement, which was the only time since their mother's death that Gabriel had even heard that much enthusiasm in Cas's voice.

“I'll see you soon, Cassie. Tell Dean-o to warm up the popcorn will ya?” Gabriel joked once more knowing that Cas was sure to ask Dean what Gabriel meant by that, and that made a small grin appear on his face as he thought of his joke being passed on to Dean. Gabriel then drove towards Dean's apartment with the satisfaction of knowing that he was going to spend time with his family that night.

\---------------------

When Gabriel arrived at the apartment it was nearly dark out. He had to rely solely on the artificial light of the apartment to find his way to the Winchester's room. Gabriel had been there many times before, especially since his mother's death, so he was able to find the room with relative ease. He knocked on the door quietly once he arrived at his destination, then stood patiently awaiting a response.

Gabriel only had to wait about a minute before Dean opened the door expectantly. “Took you long enough.” He grunted jokingly.

“I'll take my time if I wish.” Gabriel replied sarcastically as he casually entered the apartment . He acted so natural that one might think he was entering his own home and not the apartment of his brother’s boyfriend.

Dean simply responded with a raise of his eyebrows in slight amusement as he closed the door behind him.

“Gabriel!” Cas called from where he was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. He looked like a trauma victim when he was like that, just sitting there, covered in a blanket with wide eyes that showed some kind of painful experience. However, he perked up as soon as he saw Gabriel walk through the door. He got up from his place on the couch and silently flung his arms across Gabriel's shoulders.

“Hey, Cassie. I missed you too.” Gabriel's face softened as he looked down at his delicate little brother. Castiel did not need to say it; Gabriel knew that he missed him, and the sentiment was mutual. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Cas to give him a tight hug before letting him go. “How you been holding up?” He asked as cooly as he could manage, when in reality, it was a serious question that had been bothering him all day.

“I'm fine. Dean's here.” Cas cast Dean a loving and appreciative look that sent shivers down Gabriel's spine. There was so much raw affection in just that gaze alone. It just seemed so powerful, and no words had even been spoken. “And now you are too.” Cas added after some time with a voice still dripping with tenderness.

“I'm always here, Cassie.” Gabriel said as he gave Cas a small pat on the back. He then turned around to soak in the image of the room. It was kind of an empty place; the only furniture being a couch, a coffee table, some chairs that were scattered about an old wooden table, and a few counters with a stove and a fridge that counted for a kitchen. Apart from that, the room was bare of any color, pictures, or decorations. The walls were all white, and the floors were carpeted in rough beige. 

Gabriel took the whole place in once more before he realized what was missing. “Where's Sam? I thought I wasn't going to be third wheeling?” 

Dean rolled his eyes at Gabriel's obnoxious teasing. “He's in his room. The little dweeb is doing homework.” 

“I heard that.” Sam muttered as he rubbed his eyes trying to cast away fatigue. “Oh. Hey, Gabriel.” He said as politely as he could manage in his tired state as he stopped abruptly when he noticed Gabriel. 

“Hey.” Gabriel acknowledged him with a nod before turning back to Dean, who now had his arm around Cas's waist. “What are we doing tonight anyway?” He asked neutrally. 

Dean shrugged. “Not,” he stated very firmly as he pointed his free finger at Gabriel warningly. “Doing my nails. That's for sure.”

“Why not?” Cas inquired seriously.

“That's gross. Who paints their nails anyway? Paint on freaking paper. That's what it's for. You don't put poisonous paint on your body. It's pointlessly stupid.” Dean ranted as if he found the very idea of nail polish to be appalling.

“We can braid Sam's hair.” Gabriel teased as he turned around to face Sam again and gave him a sly grin. Gabriel had grown to know the younger Winchester brother pretty well, and he had to admit that he was a pretty good kid. 

“Very funny.” Sam stated, clearly not amused. “If it's okay with you guys, I think I just want to go to bed.” He mumbled as he let out a yawn that proved his point.

“Go to bed, Sam. We won't be up too late anyway. I promised Bobby I’d go back to work tomorrow.” Dean assured Sam as he motioned for him to go to bed with a dismissive wave of his hand. Sam took that as his queue to leave and did so promptly.

Cas turned his frightened gaze to Dean. “You're leaving? But…” His voice sounded so broken and afraid in that moment that Dean felt he would do anything to take the pain from it. 

“Maybe…” Dean began while thinking. “Maybe I could take one more day. Maybe then Gabriel could look after you the next, so you're not alone?” He lifted his gaze up to Gabriel, expecting some sort of confirmation.

“Sure. I'll ask for the day off, and we can have a day together, okay Cas?” Gabriel asked gently.

Castiel nodded. He didn't want to be alone. He couldn't be alone. It scared him too much. He felt content and peaceful with Dean around, and Gabriel made him feel safe. He needed them. They could not leave.

“Sounds like a plan.” Dean agreed. “Speaking of plans, what do you two want to do tonight?” His gaze swept from Gabriel to Cas. 

Gabriel shrugged. “Whatever Cas wants to do I guess.” He muttered indifferently.

Both men turned their attention to Cas awaiting a response. 

Castiel thought about it for a moment. There were a few things that he would like to do, but he really only had the energy for one. “I would like to bake a pie, like the one Mom used to make.” He decided. 

“Now? Cas, it's getting kind of late for that.” Gabriel reminded him as gently as he could. He knew where the request was coming from. Cas missed their mom. He was just trying to remember her, but Castiel had never baked anything before, and Gabriel was not very good at baking either. Gabriel looked at Dean to try and figure out if the elder Winchester was sharing his thoughts.

“Sounds good to me.” Dean said without hesitation. He knew how to cook, considering that he had always cooked for Sam, and he had become accustomed to baking as well. Dean noticed the uncertainty written on Gabriel's face, so he gave him a small nod to confirm that he knew what he was doing. “Let's get to work so that we can get to bed at a decent time, okay?”

Castiel nodded. He liked the sound of that. 

“Wait? You guys are making pie? I want in on that.” Sam he poked his head out from his room as he spoke. 

“Of course you do.” Dean said with an exaggerated eye roll. “Sam's a pie hog.” He pretended to whisper to Cas and Gabriel.

“Me?” Sam exclaimed incredulously. “Dean, you love pie more than you love that car.” He sassed his brother in return.

“That's taking this too far.” Dean feigned anger as he shot Sam a joking glare.

“Are we going to watch you two cat fight all night, or are we going to make some pie?” Gabriel asked with cheeky annoyance as he folded his arms across his chest.

Cas looked around eagerly. He searched the room a few times before lowering his gaze dejected. “I don't see any cats.” He stated sadly as he pouted slightly at the ground.

The room was filled with a light laughter as Dean went over to Cas to give him a small pat on the shoulder. “Not yet. Maybe some day.” Dean promised as he began to lead Cas toward the kitchen. “You guys coming?” He called over his shoulder.

“This ought to be fun.” Gabriel commented to Sam, which gave rise to a curious eyebrow lift from said brunette. 

“Why is that?” He played along.

“The four of us? In one kitchen? Trying to make something edible without burning the place down? Yeah. That's interesting.” Gabriel said with a devilish grin.

“At least we're all together.” Sam said briefly before going to join Dean and Cas in the kitchen.

“Yeah. I think I like it like this.” Gabriel conceded once he was alone before he went to join his family in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can throw hate at me in the comments if you so desire


	7. A Pie for The Lost One

The pies actually turned out relatively good. They had made two, just in case the first one turned out to be an utter failure, but they actually were not that bad. The first pie came out out a little bit burnt, but they all agreed it still tasted pretty good. 

After they had finished cooking, they all gathered on the couch to enjoy their creation. Sam fell asleep pretty fast. He was seated on the arm of the couch with his back leaning into it. His mouth was agape at an angle, and there was the tiniest bit of blueberry pie filling dripping from the corner of his mouth.

Dean's expression softened when he passed by Sam. His brother looked so peaceful and innocent, just like when they were kids. He pulled a blanket from the top of the couch onto him in a nurturing manner, and he leaned over slightly to wipe the leftover pie from his face with a delicate finger. A soft smile tugged at the corners of Dean's mouth. Sam was still the kid he had raised. He was still that innocent little boy whom Dean had taken into his care so many years ago. 

“Good night, Sammy.” He said in a sweet tone as he gazed warmly at his sleeping little brother. Sam mumbled something incoherent in his sleep as he shifted around to get comfortable in the blanket.

Cas was standing over in the kitchen area, very carefully wrapping up the second, untouched pie. He was very focused with what he was doing; he wanted it to be perfect.

Dean looked up from Sam to see Cas in the kitchen area, and, in order to satisfy his curiosity, he slowly walked over. He saw the focused expression on Castiel's face. He looked so intent on what he was doing that Dean became immediately interested in the task. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and pressed his head into his shoulder. 

“What are you doing over here? We're over there, Cas.” Dean lifted his head to whisper into his boyfriend’s ear.

“I'm saving this pie.” He stated the obvious in a mechanical tone as he tried his hardest not to let Dean distract him. “For Michael.” He added after some time.

Dean pulled away from Cas in shock. “You sure that's a good idea?” Dean tried to keep his voice as calm as possible. He knew that Cas loved Michael, but Dean had never really met said brother, and he had not heard much of anything good about him. He could not possibly know how Michael would respond if Cas, whom he seemed to not speak to at all, suddenly showed up and gave him a pie. He did not like the idea of Cas being that close to him after what Gabriel had told him, even if time had passed. He tried to keep his gaze on Castiel as if hoping to transmit some of his thought to him, but he also stole a glance at Gabriel to see if he shared his thoughts, and in Gabriel's eyes, he saw his own fears reflecting back at him. 

“Yes. Michael is my brother. He must miss Mom too.” Cas gave Dean a kind look that was mixed with confusion. He did not understand what the problem was. Michael had changed. Cas was sure of it. He hadn't meant it in the first place. He continuously told himself. The look in Dean's eyes said everything about his thoughts, and they bothered Castiel. He wanted to believe that Michael was not who Dean thought he was, and, more than that, he wanted to prove it.

Dean glanced over to Gabriel for help. He knew that the whole situation surrounding Michael was delicate, and he knew that Gabriel could probably handle this better than he could. 

Gabriel caught sight of Dean's distress signal, and he walked calmly over towards Cas from his spot on the couch. “I know, Cas. Dean knows that too. We just can't tell what Michael's thinking, or what he could do. We're just playing things safe.” Gabriel assured him as he came behind Cas to put a comforting hand in his brother’s shoulder.

“But I want him to have a pie too.” Cas insisted with a childlike innocence. He was not whiny though. He was just pleading and gentle. It was the kind of sweet care that only a child could give. He was staring down at the pie laid out on the counter in front of him. The pie was a reminder of when they were a family - before Michael started bullying Cas. It was back when their mother was alive, and she would make pies for them after school when she got the chance because she had always wanted to show that she'd cared; she just never had the time.

“I know.” Gabriel's voice filled with sympathy. “Hey, I've got an idea.” His voice perked up. “What if I gave it to him for you?” 

Cas only slightly cheered up at the suggestion. He had wanted to be the one to give it to Michael because he felt that he had been the one who had offended him so many years ago. He felt like it was his fault that Michael did not talk to them any more, and he felt like he should be the one to fix that, but Gabriel had offered to bring it for him. He was trying to help, and Cas was grateful. At least Michael will get the pie, and then he won't feel like he's not a part of the family anymore. That thought made a smile begin to surface on Castiel's face. 

“Yes. Thank you, Gabriel.” Cas finally took his gaze from the pie as he turned around to give his older brother a hug. “Make sure he knows that he is a part of our family.” He informed Gabriel of his supposed task.

Gabriel accepted the hug graciously, but his task was a little bit harder to accept. He loved Michael. It was inevitable; they were family, but that didn't mean that he liked him or wanted him around. He had not forgiven Michael for what he had done to Cas, and he found it hard to just accept Michael back like that, when Michael had made it clear what he had thought of their family; it was obvious that Michael wanted no part in it, but Gabriel was not going to tell Cas that. It might just break his loving heart, and he couldn't bare to watch that happen. 

“You're welcome, Cassie.” His voice was laced with his mixed emotions as he pulled away from the embrace. “Now, go get some rest, okay? I'll finish up here.” Gabriel instructed parentally.

Cas obeyed without much hesitation as he went over to Dean and grabbed his hand to hold it in his own. The two of them then headed towards the couch where Dean flopped himself down and kicked his feet casually onto the coffee table as he relaxed one arm onto the arm chair and held the other open for Cas.

Castiel followed him onto the couch as he pulled a blanket from on top of the couch and laid down with his head on Dean's lap and his body sprawled onto the plush furniture piece. Dean took his free arm and wrapped it around Cas's shoulder. Castiel responded by grabbing that hand and holding it loosely in his own. With help from Dean, they managed to get the blanket over both of them in a comfortable position, and then they were perfectly content the way they were.

It did not take long for Gabriel to wrap up the pie, considering Castiel’s careful job wrapping it, but he got distracted in the process. He couldn't help but to think of his mother when he was wrapping that pie. It was always her job. She did that, but now she could not. She was dead, and that still did not quite click with Gabriel considering that he had not even allowed himself to cry over her yet. Actually, he had not given himself a chance to soak in her death and grieve at all because he needed to be strong for Cas. But all of that pent up grief and anger was beginning to boil over inside of him, especially at the sight of that pie. He felt hot tears begin to sting at the edges of his eyes, but he tried to remain as silent as possible. He didn't want to disturb Cas. Gabriel tried his hardest to ignore his feelings by putting the pie in the petite fridge, but they didn't seem to want to disappear. He stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes until he was sure that the tears had left his eyes.

Gabriel walked out of the kitchen and towards the seating area. Sam was still passed out in the edge of the couch, and now, so was Cas, but he was sound asleep with his head resting in Dean's lap. Dean was looking down at him fondly as he lightly stroked his head,running his fingers delicately through Castiel’s short hair. 

“I'm going to call it a night.” Gabriel concealed all of his emotions from minutes prior. “Where am I sleeping?” 

“You can sleep in Sam's bed. He's obviously not going to sleep there tonight.” Dean said as a small chuckle escaped his lips.

“Thanks.” Gabriel muttered as he turned to leave the room, but he was stopped as Dean called him back over.

“Gabriel?” Dean sounded as if he was uncertain that he should be asking whatever question was on his mind.

“Yeah?” Gabriel replied as he turned around and took a step closer to the couch again.

“Were you… Are you doing okay?” Dean tried to formulate his question in a way that was not too intrusive, but his voice was still edged with concern.

“I'm fine.” Gabriel answered automatically. “Or... I will be. Don't worry about it.” He said in a dismissive tone.

Dean sighed. “I heard you crying in there. Stop avoiding it and just tell me what's wrong. I had to have this talk with Sam, but jeezum that was when he was a kid. You'd think you'd know better.” 

“Don't pretend you don't do it too.” Gabriel muttered.

“I know I do. I'm trying to stop doing it so often, but it's a tough habit to crack. I did it to protect Sam,” Dean had also done it simply because he did not like dealing with his emotions, and he found easier just to ignore them. But that was beside the point because now, he cherished his emotions more than he ever thought he would, and that was because of Castiel. “So I'm guessing you're trying to protect Cas.” Dean stated firmly yet casually.

Gabriel snorted. “Of course you'd make assumptions.” He joked before countering Dean’s statement. “But yeah. I guess I am. Is that a bad thing?” 

“It is for you. Trust me, keeping that stuff in hurts. They can tear you apart inside, and then you will just keep silent about that too until there isn't much to tell because all you are is a mixed, broken mess of contained feelings. You gotta pour out to someone, and if you think it's bad for Cas to hear, I might as well be that someone.” Dean sounded almost endearing when he spoke, which was quite a stretch from the Dean he had been so many months ago when he first met Castiel. 

Gabriel gave him a small grateful stare before he took in a deep breath. “If I tell you, please don't tell Cas. He's got enough to worry about.” He sounded serious, but it was not threatening; it was caring.

“I know. I promise.” Dean glanced down at Cas briefly. He looked so peaceful sleeping there that Dean felt it almost wrong to have Gabriel tell him things he thought would hurt Cas when said brother was lying there like a napping child. 

“I guess I'm mad. Well, not just mad, but I think that's what's bothering me.” Gabriel said as he turned his gaze towards the nearest window. It was pitch black outside, and there was nothing to really be seen out there, but Gabriel was not looking at anything. He was just gazing off into space. “I just… She's gone. She's gone, and she was just starting to get it. I guess that frustrates me.” Gabriel's fist began clench, but he had already lost Dean.

“Get what?” He asked purely confused.

“Parenting.” Gabriel finished firmly as he ripped his gaze from the window to deliver that one word to Dean before turning it back again. “She had been working our whole lives. She never had much time for us, but really, what kind of an excuse is that to let one of your children get bullied to a point where he can't talk for months?” He began his angry rant. His emotions became visible through his light brown eyes. There was the fire of anger, but there was also that glint of sadness and grief that had started the whole thing. “She didn't know what parenting was. She thought she could make us pies to show that she cared, but she wasn't there for us. I made all of that up for my speech. She was never there for us, and we really needed her.”

“When did she get better then?” Dean asked, still lost in Gabriel's rant. He understood how she was a bad parent, but none of Gabriel's words painted her as a good parent.

Gabriel rubbed his eyes, and Dean was uncertain if he was angry, tired, blocking out tears, or some combination of the three. “On her deathbed. She realized what she had missed out on - what she had failed to do when it was too late to change that. She tried to become more involved in our lives, and do you know how happy that made Cas that she finally had time to talk to him and learn everything about him?” He let out a hushed yet pained laugh before he continued. 

“Don't get me wrong. He was scared for her, but he loved being able to have time with her for once. He loved that she actually asked what was going on for once. He just wanted her to get better. That was all he wanted. But I… I didn't see it that way. I was mad ‘cause she learned only when it was too late.” Gabriel was silent for around a minute, and Dean said nothing in response because he could not shake the feeling that there was something more to it than that, and there was. “I was mad ‘cause I felt like I had been cheated. It felt like life had come down and personally slapped me in the face. I'm mad ‘cause… I just wanted a mom, and I didn't have one until she was gone.” Gabriel finished as his tears from earlier began to return.

There was a heavy silence in the room after that. The whole time, Dean kept his gaze focused on Cas. He knew how Castiel had felt about his mother, but he had never known how Gabriel felt until that moment, and it kind of surprised him. He could not have imagined that Gabriel felt that way at that moment because he kept it bottled in so well. That's what it's like when I do this. He realized. 

“There you go. That feels better, right?” Dean tried to make his voice as lightly joking as possible, but it was evident that he had been thinking about Gabriel's words and had been thrown into thought. 

“Yeah. You know. I think you were right for once.” Gabriel returned the false joking attitude. “Thanks Dean-o, and you know. I'm glad you're here for Cas. I see the way you guys look at each other. It's something special. You've helped him through this, and… You taught me something. You and Cas... You guys aren't happy. You can't always be happy. That's not what life's about. You guys are broken, but you're broken together, and that makes the world of a difference. That brokenness is shared, and… Mended--not healed, but mended. I guess what I mean is… Thanks for being so helpful to him.” He added in a softer tone filled with sincerity as he turned to leave.

“Me too.” Dean responded quietly. “But hey, that's what family's for.” A wide grin accompanied his words.

“I'll have to return the favor some time then.” Gabriel replied as a smile crept onto his face as well as he left the room with a satisfied feeling inside of him. He felt so much lighter, and he genuinely hoped that he'd be able to return the favor.

\----------------

Gabriel woke up that morning in Sam's bed, and it took him a moment to register where he was. Sam's room was rather small and cramped. There was a bookshelf full of books that appeared to have been very used, and there was a desk in the corner that was littered with paper, more books, pens, a laptop, and other such items. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he got up to leave the tiny room. Gabriel stopped himself dead in his tracks as soon as he walked into the living room. Cas was gone. He was nowhere to be seen in the apartment room, and Dean and Sam were both still asleep. Panic began to overtake Gabriel.

Oh no. What if he…? In order to answer his own thought, he ran to the refrigerator and opened the door frantically. It was gone. The pie was gone. The pie plate was nowhere in sight. Oh no. Oh no. Gabriel repeated in his mind. 

He ran immediately over to Dean and began to shake him urgently, shouting, “Dean! Dean wake up!” 

“Cas. Don't go, Cas. Stay here.” Dean mumbled in his sleep as he turned to shove his face into the couch. 

“That's exactly the problem, you idiot!” Gabriel exclaimed right in his face, which sent Dean jumping up in surprise.

“Jeezum, Gabriel! Can't I have some personal space around here!” Dean replied nearly as loudly as he opened his eyes, but be stopped shouting once he realized what was missing. “Where's Cas?” He matched Gabriel's earlier tone.

“I think he went to see Michael. I'm going after him. Stay here.” Gabriel informed him rapidly.

“Wait! I'm coming too!” Dean protested as he jumped into his feet.

“No. You'll just make it worse. Michael doesn't know you. This is between the three of us. You're wasting time. Just stay here in case he comes back.” Gabriel rushed out the door without giving Dean the time to make another argument.

Dean thought about following him, but he decided that Gabriel was right. He did not know Michael. Gabriel was the best person to handle that situation. Dean just hoped that Cas’s kinder brother was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	8. Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might publish one today. We'll see.

Cas knocked on the apartment door quietly. He was nervous. He had not talked to Michael in so long, and now he came to talk to him and give him a peace offering. He came to invite him back into his family.

“Come in.” An indifferent grunt came from the other side of the door.

Slowly, Cas pried open the door with the pie in one hand. Once he entered the room, he saw that Michael was sitting in a wooden chair at their dining room table. He was staring absently outside the large window. There seemed to be nothing in that gaze; it was just so lifeless and empty.

“Michael.” Cas practically squeaked. Something about his eyes scared him; they weren't threatening, just dead, and that seemed more frightening than any menacing glare. “I-I wanted you to… Have this.” He fumbled with his words as he held the pie out for Michael to look at. “Gabriel and I thought you would want to have it… Because… because you miss Mom too.” Cas began to mumble again. It was strange. He had gotten so much more comfortable in social situations, but being with Michael seemed like hitting a reverse button; he lost nearly all of his confidence. It was almost as if he drained the confidence from Cas, but Castiel was determined to fix this. He wanted his family to be whole again.

Michael did not remove his gaze from the window when he spoke. “Go away.” He muttered with a complete lack of emotion.

Cas crept cautiously forward with the pie still extended. “You… You don't have to be alone. You can… Join our family again.” He said sweetly as he held the pie even closer to his brother.

Michael finally turned to him with darkly endless eyes. “Just leave me alone. I told you I wanted nothing to do with you, and I meant it.” He Stated almost mechanically.

Cas flinched. He was not expecting that. “P-please. Don't you... Want a family?” He asked, innocently confused.

“I'd rather be all alone than be a member of your family.” Michael said harshly. “I meant what I said back then. You are a failure. You… You never grew up. You're still that stupid, useless little boy. Dad left because of you.” Michael bitterly spat. 

“I- I am sorry. I didn't mean to...” Castiel stuttered.

“No.” Michael cut him off with contempt filling his voice. “All you had to do was be born. He didn't want you the moment he laid eyes on you, and I can't say I blame him. I would've too. You're the reason we never had a dad, Castiel. You're the reason that our lives were so miserable! You're the reason why kids thought I was weird. Everyone knew. They all knew that I had some freak kid brother who was scared of his own shadow. They knew that you were so bad that the old man left. They all knew, and it was so hard for me to fit in… And you ruined that! You ruined everything… You always did. That's all you're good for, so don't give me any of this forgiveness and family…” He ranted angrily, but he cut himself off as he noticed the frightened look in Castiel's eyes. Cas was not just sad; he was scared. Memories of that night at the party began to flood back to him, and they scared him. He dropped the pie to the ground as he took another step back like a frightened trapped animal. 

He began to whimper. “M-Michael… You…” He wanted to do it. He wanted to help him, but he was so scared. He slowly went over to Michael again and very cautiously hugged him as if he were hugging a bomb.

Michael shoved him off as soon as he was on him and sent him flying across the room. Cas hit a wall with a thud, and he felt blood begin to ooze from the back of his head. He felt tears begin to roll down his face, and his whimpering increased. He looked up at Michael with large puppy eyes. 

“What don't you get?! Just leave me alone!” Michael shouted as he kicked the fallen pie.

\-----------------

Gabriel's thoughts had raced the entire time he drove to the apartment, but he really felt his heart begin to race as he ran through the apartment hallway as fast as he could.

He flung the door open as soon as he came to it, and the sight in front of him scared him to a point where he was nearly paralyzed. He saw Cas on the floor with his back to the wall. His head was oozing fresh blood, but perhaps the most frightening was the look on Castiel's face. He looked so scared. He was the embodiment of fear.

“Cas!” Gabriel shouted as his eyes widened. He turned his glare to Michael aggressively. “Why you…” He practically growled.

“I told him not to.” Michael said as he shrugged indifferently.

That really got underneath Gabriel's skin. Not only had Michael hurt Cas, but he didn't even take responsibility for it. “How dare you even...!” He found himself getting angrier and angrier each second that he was in that room.

“What are you even going to do about it? You don't hurt ‘family’.” Michael mocked him.

Gabriel launched himself at Michael and punched him in the face. “Yeah, well you've made it pretty clear that you're not family.” He spat. It hurt him to say that. Michael was his brother, and he wanted what Cas wanted too, but that wasn't possible. Michael had this coming, and he had it coming for a while.

“Then just leave me alone!” Michael shouted as he flipped himself over so that he was on top of Gabriel as he slammed his head into the floor.

“You started this, Michael.” Gabriel spat as he kneed Michael in the gut. “All we wanted was to let you into our family, but you violently rejected us, so I think it's you who should be leaving.” He threw Michael off of him and punched him about three times in the face in addition to a few times in various other places.

“I will, but don't expect me to come back.” Michael spat as he coughed up a bit of blood. He was a bruised and beaten mess, but his words still hurt Gabriel. 

“Good. Don't.” Gabriel said as he struck him hard in the gut. 

“God, why didn't you just run away?!” Michael said as he turned his squinting eyes to Cas. “Just run away! No one wants you!” He shouted angrily.

“Shut up! You're wrong. I love Cas, so does Dean. Sam too, even his girlfriend. They're his family. They're mine too.” Gabriel said as he dropped Michael down to the ground. He turned around to face Cas triumphantly, but he was surprised to see that Castiel had already gotten up, apparently having heard Michael tell him to run away.

“Cas!” Gabriel called after him concerned. 

There was a loud crash from outside.

“Cas!” Gabriel screamed as he got up and tried to run after his brother, but he was pulled back as Michael grabbed onto his ankle and twisted it backwards. There was a distinct popping sound, followed by a few rather loud crunches.

Gabriel winced from pain, but he took his good leg and kicked Michael away once more. “You never learn. Go away. So help me if I see you again…” He threatened as he then ran after Cas, unsure of what he would find. His heart felt like it stopped when he saw the mess in front of him. Castiel was in the center of the road covered in blood. He had been hit by a car, a pretty big one by the looks of it. It was a hit and run, and he was left there struggling to breath.

“Cas!” Gabriel's voice shattered into a million pieces as he ran to his little brother. He picked him up and held him in his arms. “Somebody call 911!” He shouted. They were on it. He heard at least five phones immediately dial in the background.

“Cas...” He muttered as he began stroking his face. “It's okay. You're going to be fine. I'm here.” Gabriel began shamelessly crying. He couldn't be strong anymore. It was too much to ask. 

Castiel's closing eyes looked up at him to give him what appeared to be a reassuring smile. “Gabe… Thank you. And thank Dean. Tell him-” 

“Stop it.” Gabriel cut him off sharply. “We're getting you out of here. You'll be fine.” He assured himself. He heard the sirens approaching, and he knew that there was a chance. He can make it. Cas is strong. He is going to be okay. Gabriel kept telling himself. He could only hope that he was right.

\-----------------

The ambulance had come in good time, and they were able to get Castiel off the street with ease. Gabriel followed them into the ambulance and refused to leave Cas' side. He kept blurting out comforting words to his brother, which were really more of an attempt to calm himself down.

The ambulance had pulled into the hospital with a wailing ferocity, and Cas was hurried into the emergency room. Gabriel rushed along side the emergency response team with his heart beating so fast that it felt like it was going to fly out of his chest. He ignored the protest of his twisted leg. His own pain was not of any concern at the moment. All that mattered was Cas.

“Sir, please. You need to stay outside.” One of the respondents told him once they had wheeled Cas into the emergency room.

“That's my little brother! I've gotta be with him! He gets scared being alone!” Gabriel argued loudly as he tried to shove his way past her.

“We need you to stay here. You will just get in the way of our work.” She informed him rather calmly and perfunctory as she refused to let him pass.

Gabriel sat himself down reluctantly in the nearest chair. “You better save him then.” He muttered as his wide gaze fell to the floor.

“We will do all we can.” The woman stated neutrally. Gabriel knew exactly why her voice was like that, and it scared him. She didn't want to give him false hope.

“Just save him.” Gabriel responded darkly with his gaze fixed on the ground. He needed Cas to be alright. He didn't know what to do if he wasn't. Cas was his brother - his only brother now. Castiel had been the only real family he had for so long that he did not know what he would do if he lost him. His whole life revolved around Cas. That wasn't a bad thing. He was glad to do it; it gave him a purpose, but now… That purpose could leave at any moment, leaving Gabriel stranded like a lost child in the woods with nowhere to go. “Please save him. That's my little brother. Please…” Gabriel lifted his pleading, tear swollen eyes to the woman.

“We’ll do our best.” The woman responded, unfazed, as she turned and went to assist her colleges in the emergency room where they were operating on Cas.

Gabriel's head fell into his hands as he imagined them working over Castiel. Stitching up wounds, removing pieces of the frontal area of the car from Cas's body, stopping bleeding, keeping his breath going - there was so much that they would need to do that it all just seemed impossible. The idea frightened Gabriel far more than anything else ever had. Cas. In there alone. Torn apart like some rag doll. He gritted his teeth as he felt multiple tears trickle down his cheek. He wanted to be there for Cas. He wanted to save him. He wanted to go back and make sure that this never happened, but he couldn't. All he could do was wait, and it killed him inside.

\------------------

It didn't take too long for Dean to show up. He came as soon as the hospital called him. He actually got there so fast that it seemed as if he teleported.

“Cas?!” Dean's voice was a mixture of emotions as he tore through the hallway in a frantically worried way. He sounded lost, confused, sad, hurt, pained, angry, and broken. He came to a stop when he saw Gabriel sitting alone with his head leaning back up against the wall.

“Where is he?!” Dean asked frantically.

“In there.” Gabriel muttered as his gaze slid towards the emergency room door. He looked exhausted. He was not just physically tired now, but he was also emotionally tired. His emotions had been tried all day, and he was at his breaking point.

Dean's fists clenched. “How could you let this happen?!” He shouted - half at Gabriel and half at himself. He should have been there. He should have gone after Cas. Castiel needed him, and now it was too late.

“I don't know, but I should've been there. I should've gone after him. I… I just don't know.” Gabriel muttered weakly.

“I should've too. I should've known…” Dean’s tone was filled with bitterness as he forgot about blaming Gabriel entirely.

It was at this moment that Sam came running down the hallway. He had come with Dean, but the elder Winchester had stormed in ahead of him, so he was just catching up. He stopped when he saw the looks on their faces. He knew exactly what they were thinking because he knew them both pretty well, but he said nothing at first.

“How?” Gabriel chuckled painfully. It sounded almost as if he were being choked. 

“It's Michael. I should've known -” Dean clarified before being cut off by Gabriel.

“No. I should've known-”

“Stop it. Both of you just stop, okay? This isn't helping. We need to be here for each other and for Cas. We don't need to put the blame on ourselves because it wasn't our fault. There's nothing we could have done.” Sam intervened in a rational but slightly emotional voice.

There was a sad silence for a while as they all sat in that room waiting for news. There were no more words spoken, just glances shared, and that said it all. That gave the three men a deep sense of the other's pain. It was a shared pain. They were a family, even then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	9. Come Back to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and feels ahead.

It was not for a couple of hours that they finally got an update on what was going on. An elderly doctor entered the room with an indifferent face and a cluttered clipboard. He shut the door behind him and stood rigidly in front of the men waiting in the hallway. 

His empty gaze fell upon them when he spoke. “I have a report for you.” He said as he casually flipped through the paper on his clipboard.

“How is he?!” Dean asked in irritation and concerned as he waved his arms around dramatically.

“I'm going to be honest with you.” The doctor said with an unmoved expression, his voice painfully frank. “He's fallen into a coma. He seems unresponsive to anything we've tried. There's nothing more we can do for him.” 

Dean felt the world begin to spin around him as it all came crashing down on him. Cas was in a coma. He was not going to see Cas's beautiful blue eyes that night. He was not going to go to sleep with Cas by his side gently and affectionately fondling him. He was not going to see Cas' bright smile or hear his sweet laugh. He was not going to have Cas' hand in his own or have Cas trace shapes in his hands. He wouldn't be able to kiss Cas' head and every perfect inch of him. Cas was not going to be with him that night, and he might never have been again. 

“Cas….” He muttered brokenly as he rubbed his eyes trying to hide his tears. Sam's hand rose to Dean's shoulder to give it a gentle comforting squeeze. 

“What are his odds?” Gabriel choked out from his chair opposite to Sam and Dean's. Gabriel had been sitting there pondering that question himself. He hoped them to be high, but he feared that he would not get that lucky.

“30 percent chance of survival. That does not include the chance that he may just not make up, and it certainly does not calculate in any damage to the central nervous system.” The doctor replied steadily.

Dean hid his face in his hands. 30 percent? That's so low. He thought to himself. What if Cas doesn't make it? No. He's got to. “He's going to make it. Cas will fight.” He reassured himself.

“And we’ll be right here for him when he does.” Gabriel added in a tone that insinuated his doubt. Those were not good odds, and Castiel had never been the physically strongest person - or even the mentally strongest. He was so fragile, and he worried about that. He'll make it. Don't even doubt him. He’ll fight for us.

“May we see him?” Sam asked the question that was on all of their minds somewhere.

“Yes. You may, but it's not pretty.” The doctor warned them as he motioned to the door before silently leaving.

Gabriel gulped. “You ready?” He asked Dean in a pretend strong voice. He was afraid, but he did not want to show it. He didn't know what he would see in that room exactly, but the very thought of Cas dying in a hospital room made him cringe.

“Yeah. I want to see him.” Dean replied resolutely. The pain of seeing Cas like that did not matter for that moment. All that mattered was seeing him and being there for him. He wanted to make sure Cas knew that he was by his side.

With that, the three of them crept slowly into the hospital room, as if they were afraid that something in there could jump out and bite them.

\-----------------

The room was surprisingly bright, and it took Dean's eyes a moment to adjust to the light. The room contained a few empty chairs along with a nightstand placed beside the bed in the center of the room. To the other side of the bed was a steadily beeping machine. The frightening part about that room had nothing to do with the room itself and everything to do with the man whom that machine was hooked up to.

There were IVs and monitors and other things that none of the visiting men could identify. The man in the bed was lying there practically covered in tubes and machines. 

He was pale and torn. He had stitches going across his left arm, practically engulfing the entire arm. His other arm was entirely bandaged and was offset at an unnatural angle, presumably broken. His upper body was covered by a hospital gown, but there were gashes underneath that the visitors could not see. His entire lower body was covered with a blanket, but that half of his body looked no better. He had a brace around his neck that looked almost as if it were choking him, but the worst part was indefinitely his face. His face was covered in cuts and stitches. There was a rather large gash that streamed down from his forehead and ran along his cheekbone until it touched his chin. Another went from one side of his face to the next crossing on his nose. His whole face was almost unrecognizably distorted that it sent all three men into a silent shock.

Gabriel felt his twisted leg finally give out underneath him. “Cas.” He muttered weakly as he fell to the ground with tears streaming down his face. That was his brother. It may not have looked like him, but that was his brother, and he was dying. He was a heap of pain and suffering, and he couldn't help him. It was his job to protect him, and he had failed. Gabriel cried silently but emotionally as he was curled on the floor. He cried. He cried for his own pain from his disturbingly broken leg that he had forced himself to stand and even run on. He cried for Dean's pain. He cried for Sam's too. He cried for Cas. He cried for himself because he was to blame. He cried for his family because they were broken.

Dean looked down at Gabriel with an unaltered stare. “Get him looked at. He needs to take care of himself. We can't lose him too.” He informed Sam darkly because he knew that Gabriel was probably not listening anymore. He was lost in grief, and that was a hard place to come out of. 

Sam obeyed without another thought. He knew that Dean was right. Gabriel couldn't handle seeing Cas like that, and he obviously had some physical ailments that he had to tend to himself. Sam also did not dare to go against Dean when he took on that tone. He was serious and angry, but that fury came from sorrow, and Sam knew it was best to leave Dean to angst on his own. Sam propped Gabriel up and led him out of the room in silence, leaving Dean alone with Cas - or what was left of him. 

Dean took a hesitant step towards Cas. He pulled one of the chairs over towards the bedside so that he could sit next to his comatose boyfriend. He bit his lip nervously as he sat down.

“What can I say to you…?” He heaved his own breath as his eyes focused on Castiel's broken face. “I mean, for all I know, you can't hear me… But… You need to, okay? I need you to hear me out. I-I miss talking to you. It hasn't even been a day yet, and I miss talking to you.” His voice took on a pained and distressed tone. “I miss looking into your eyes and seeing… My own happiness reflected back. I know it sounds cheesy and like a chick flick moment, but you liked those right? So maybe you'll hear me out… Okay?” Dean asked, trying to give himself false hope. “It's true though. I know I don't say it much, but it is. I love you. I love your smile made of everything sweet - everything I once hated but now cherish because it reminds me of you. I love the way you pause before you speak because of the thought that fills your face. Every time, you look like some renaissance sculpture deep in thought. I love the way you hold my hand. it's always warm and sweet. I love the way you smell. You smell like… A sugar factory. I love your laugh. God, it sounds like an angel singing. I mean it. I've never heard a more beautiful sound. I… Want to hear it again.” 

Dean grabbed Cas's scarred hand to give it a squeeze. “Please, baby, I just need you back. I need to hear your laugh, and see your smile. I just want to see your eyes again. One look into them would make everything all right… I… Love you. I love everything about you… And I can't lose it. I love you, Castiel Novak. And…” He trailed off as he began to trace shapes onto Cas' hand in a way similar to how the precious man used to do to him. “If you can come back to me… No. You've got to come back to me. You can't go. That's not fair. You can't just waltz into my life one day and then leap out the next!” 

Dean stopped tracing shapes on Cas's hand as his anger began to build. “You can't change me like this and then leave! You can't make me fall for you and everything you are and then take that all away from me. It's like you got me addicted, and now you're trying to take my drug away!” He ranted angrily . “How… How is this okay to you?! Just wake up! Wake up and explain it all to me!” He yelled, but the only response was the steady beeping of the machines. “Just wake up… I need you, Cas. I can't do this without you. I can't be me without you. I'm nothing without you.” His head fell onto Cas' chest lightly as he began to sob into Castiel's unmoving body. “Please…” He muttered brokenly.

\---------------------

The nurse propped Gabriel's leg up with an extra chair as she examined it. It was the nurse from before; it was Meg, but neither Sam nor Gabriel knew who she was, so that was of no importance to them.

“What did you do to it?” She asked as her face distorted in disgust. Gabriel's leg was twisted nearly entirely backwards. It was rather gruesome, and Meg had not seen too many cases like it.

“I was hit too.” Gabriel lied without any thought or effort.

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Really? Because I don't see any car parts in you. Your brother had the front of some sports car all inside him.” 

Gabriel swallowed hard at the mention of Castiel's injuries. “I was the lucky one.” He lied again. He felt anything but lucky. His brother was on his deathbed and looked like he had been through hell. His other brother was gone, and he wasn't coming back. And now he had to lie to keep that brother from going to jail for beating up Gabriel. Even though Gabriel had attacked him first, it was in defense of Cas, so Michael technically was the party at fault. 

“Seems like it.” Meg went along with the lie naturally as she took one final look at Gabriel's leg. “We'll need to reset your leg.” She stated neutrally.

“Surgery?” Sam practically jumped out of his seat when he heard that word. “Is it really that bad?” He asked, concerned.

Meg's eyebrows furrowed slightly and she squinted her eyes, which silently told Sam that was a dumb question. “No. His leg is just going through a rebellious phase.” She replied sarcastically.

“I don't have time for this. I need to be there for Cas.” Gabriel muttered as he attempted to sit up, but he was stopped by the seething pain in his leg.

“You need to take care of yourself, Gabe. Dean's right. We need you to get better too.” Sam assured him as he walked over to place a comforting hand on Gabriel's shoulder.

“At least he got something right.” Meg muttered with an eye roll.

Sam ignored her. That was not the time or the place for petty arguing. They had more important things to deal with. “When can you get him in?” He asked politely.

Meg went over the counter to look through her clipboard. “We could fit him in… In three hours.” She responded as her gaze lifted from the clipboard. “Don't do anything to stupid til then.” 

“I suppose I'll just injure myself by sitting here.” Gabriel remarked in agitation. He was not really mad at Meg, although he did find her attitude to be inappropriate for the situation, but he was really mad at himself. There he was useless and broken when Castiel needed him. He was there getting help when it was Cas who really needed it.

“Don't jinx it.” Meg warned as she turned to leave the room.

\-----------------

Sam stayed with Gabriel patiently until his surgery. Sam figured that it was best to give Dean some alone time and Gabriel could use some company. They sat in a complete silence. There was a pained air in the room that seemed suffocating, but yet they were content being silent. 

Sam had to leave once the surgery commenced. He gave Gabriel a brisk hug when it was his time to depart. “You're going to be okay. Dean and I will come see you when you're done.” He assured Gabriel once he had pulled out of the hug.

“That's not the problem.” Gabriel grumbled exasperatedly. “Cas needs healing much more than I do. I should be with him, not tending to my own tiny injuries.” The ironic thing was that his injuries were anything but tiny. He had a gash in the back of his head that had dried out, but it was still crusty with prior blood. He had bruising all along his arms and his chest along with a bruise right under his left eye. In addition to all of that, he had his destroyed leg. He was in pain, but that was irrelevant. 

“You need to get healed too, Gabe.” Sam reasoned. “Cas would not want you to force yourself to stay by his side. He would want you to get better. He wouldn't want you to sit there in pain. That is the last thing he would want. You can be with him when you're better. He wouldn't blame you.”

Gabriel's face softened in appreciation. “Thanks, Sam. I...” His voice became filled with emotion and his next words were soft. “I needed that.” 

Sam smiled sweetly in response. “I know.” He practically whispered as he turned to swiftly leave the room .

“Alright. Do what you have to do.” Gabriel announced bravely to Meg once Sam had left the room. The younger Winchester brother was right. Cas needed him, but Cas needed him at his strongest and that meant taking care of himself. 

\--------------

Sam was hesitant to enter Cas’s hospital room again. There was no telling what he could find in there. The earlier shock of seeing Castiel so brutally broken still had not left Sam’s system, and now Dean was in there. Dean had a dark air about him when Sam had left the room hours earlier, and he could only speculate how much worse it could have gotten while he was away. It was his hope that the alone time would allow Dean time to cool off, but he feared that it would not be that simple. Sam had not really seen Dean like that before. Dean had taken on that tone before, but only in serious situations. It was quite rare, and it was never that intense and purely… Heartbroken. Sam did not know what to expect when he opened that door, but what he found surprised him.

Sam had cautiously cracked the door open, bit by bit, before he entered the bright hospital room. There he saw his brother with his face buried into Castiel’s chest. His arms were flung across Cas’ body and he was silently sobbing. He had been there for hours. Who was to say how long Dean had been in that position just letting tears roll down his face? 

The scene itself made something in Sam’s heart feel shattered. It made a sharp pang run through his heart just by seeing Dean in that state. He looked so fragile. It was so contrary to his nature to be curled dependently on anyone like that, but there he was crying on Cas. Dean did not cry - at least that was what Sam could recall. Dean had always tried to hide his emotions from Sam, so that was not really a surprise.

The worst part was that Dean did not even notice that Sam had entered the room. He was unmoved. He was still lying there, silently trembling. Sam debated walking over to him. He didn’t know if disturbing him was right. He wanted to help. He wanted to be there to comfort Dean, but he was afraid that he would only make it worse. 

He stood in the doorway for a moment more contemplating his possible actions. He crept into the room very slowly as if the whole room were filled with explosives. “Dean…” He spoke softly and kindly as he placed a comforting hand on top of one of Dean’s broad shoulders.

Dean did not say anything in response. Actually, he did not respond at all. 

Sam did not know what to do. He had never seen Dean like that before. He had never seen him break like that. He just wanted to help him, but he was clueless as to of how he could do that. He did not dare utter another word. He knew that any words he did speak had the potential to hurt Dean further. Even more concerning was the possibility that Dean did not respond to the words because he may not have heard them.

Sam stood there in silence with his hand firmly on Dean’s shoulder for quite sometime. He was there for Dean, even if it was small. He owed Dean that much after all he had done for him.

There was a period of time in which neither of them spoke, but that silence was unexpectedly broken by Dean. “He’s not coming back. I’m not going to see him again.” He muttered in the most broken and defeated voice that Sam had ever heard. He was unsure if Dean was talking to him or himself, but he took it as a sign of return to reality.

“Don’t say that. He’s Cas. He’ll fight. He'll come back. He loves you, Dean. He will fight until the end of days for you.” Sam scolded Dean lightly in an attempt to help him.

“Open your eyes, baby.” Dean pleaded desperately as he finally lifted his head to look at Cas. 

“Dean, listen to me.” Sam began to take on a pleading tone himself. “You've just have to wait it out. He'll come back, Dean.”

Dean began to absently stroke Cas's face. “He’s so hurt. He's so broken.” He mumbled with his gaze focused on the beaten visage before him. 

“And he can get better. I know he can.” Sam responded confidently. He only wished that the confidence was real. He wanted Cas to make it out of that hospital bed, but he feared that he would not. The odds were not exactly in his favor, but he set that aside. Dean needed assurance, not more doubts.

“How?” Dean finally asked as he spun around to face Sam. His eyes were red and swollen from tears, but behind those tears were eyes filled with grief. 

Relief swept over Sam as soon as Dean acknowledged his presence. Dean's okay. He's still here. Sam took in a steadying breath as he pondered the answer. “I'm not entirely sure.” Sam admitted honestly, which caused Dean to look to the ground dejected. “But I'm sure he can if we're here. Gabriel will be back from his surgery soon, and then the three of us will be here to support him, and he'll pull through - for us.” 

Dean swallowed hard as he gave Sam the slightest of nods in response. 

“Let's call it a night, okay? You look tired.” Sam's voice was filled with poorly disguised concern.

“Yeah. I could use some sleep.” Dean muttered as he went and sat back down in the chair he had previously been sitting in.

Sam searched the room for a good place to sleep, and his gaze fell on one of the four chairs in the corner. He went over to the chairs to effortlessly pull one away from the others slightly. He did not stay too close to the bed. He didn't feel like that was his place. Instead, he sat down in his chair about ten feet from the piece of furniture, close to the corner of the room.

Sleep was a little bit grudging to Sam, but it did overtake him eventually. He was a very hard sleeper. He usually fell asleep very fast, and he could stay asleep throughout a tornado. 

Dean, on the other hand, was not as fortunate. Sleep would avoid him like he had the plague that night and for many nights to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you like or hate!


	10. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not all angst

Dean went through many sleepless nights, but he never told Sam. He didn't want to add to the burden. His own troubles were not of any importance. Sam took notice of Dean's extreme fatigue, but there was not much that he could do about it other than insist that Dean try and sleep every night. It never worked though. Thoughts of Cas and his injuries plagued Dean's mind and prevented sleep. One night, however, fatigue overtook Dean, and he drifted off into a restless sleep.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas said as soon as he saw him. They were at their cliff on the hood of the impala, which was parked underneath the tree that Cas had drawn the cat and the ice cream on. They were sitting there together just like the old days - the days before Cas's mother died. He had Dean's jacket on and Dean had pulled Cas into him. They were sitting there staring up at the sky. “Is something wrong, Dean?” Cas asked in a voice dripping with concern.

Dean's eyes went wide as he absorbed his surroundings. He was on the cliff overlooking the lake with Cas. Cas was there and his eyes were bright. They were a vibrant sky blue, and Dean thought that he could just cry from joy of seeing them again, but they weren't real. Dean tried to ignore that fact as best he could. He wanted to focus on what he had: Cas.

“No. This is perfect.” Dean sighed contently as he kissed Cas's forehead tenderly. “I missed you. God, I really missed you.” Dean muttered into his hair.

Cas looked so alive. He looked so clean and healthy in comparison to the fragile shell that was left in the hospital. Dean cherished Castiel's appearance because he looked at peace. He looked safe. It was like the world had finally given Cas the chance to be happy, healthy, and secure, which seemed that it really only could happen in a dream.

“I'm right here. I'm always here, Dean.” Cas laughed sweetly at Dean . “Usually it's you who has to tell me this stuff. Are you feeling okay?” He asked with mild concern as he pressed a hand to Dean's forehead in an attempt to discern whether or not he had a fever. 

“I know. Everything seems topsy turvy now. The whole world has just kind of turned itself over on me, and… I don't know what to do, babe. I can't do it without you.” Dean pretended that Cas was real. He needed to. If anyone could help him through the situation, it was Cas. 

“I'm right here, Dean. You can do it. Whatever you're talking about… I'm sure you can.” Cas confided confidently. Just as Dean was about to respond, Cas fell down to the ground and began choking. He started coughing up blood violently as contortions began to rack his body.

“Cas?!” Dean's eyes went wide as he stared down in horror at his dying boyfriend. He wanted to run down to help him, or even just hold him, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried to move his limbs, he was still rooted to the spot. Cas's eyes rolled into the back of his head as the blood from his mouth came spilling onto the ground. 

“Cas!” Dean screamed. He tried to close his eyes, but even those were frozen. He was stuck watching Cas die violently, and he could do nothing about it.

“D- D… De…” Castiel tried to choke out between his spasms and his coughs of blood.

“Cas, please. No. Please. Cas.” Dean begged as Castiel stretched a weak arm towards him.

“Dean…” Cas finally managed to choke out painfully before he went into one final violent spasm that left his body entirely limp. His head fell back to the ground with a thud as his body lay in a pile of his own blood.

“Cas!” Dean woke up screaming. His body was shaking and sweating when he woke up. His eyes were wide from shock as he took in the room around him. They were still in the hospital. Cas was still there. He was alive. Sam was still sound asleep. 

Dean crawled out of his bed slowly. He felt his entire body shake with adrenaline as he headed instinctively towards Cas' bed.

Without any thought to it, he plopped himself onto the bed and lightly wrapped his arms around Cas very carefully so that he would not hurt him. He needed the assurance that Cas was alive. He was there. He was breathing. He was okay. Dean nuzzled his face into Cas' chest like a child. He felt content there. He felt so much safer. He felt closer to peace.

\-------------------

The whole hospital seemed to be filled up with angst from Castiel's visitors. Sam had brought Jess over a few times, but she could only look at Cas with pity and say that she hoped he got better. She was good to have around Sam because she helped to distract him from everything that was going on around him. Because of that, Dean tried to get her to come over often and to take Sam out of the hospital every so often.

The thing was, Sam stayed in the hospital because both Gabriel and Dean refused to leave. Gabriel was on crutches now, and the doctors had insisted in some physical therapy to rehabilitate his twisted leg. Gabriel had refused, saying that he could not pay for it. The nurse, whom they had all come to know as Meg, simply gave him a small grin as she signed him up. Gabriel never got a bill for any of it. Not for his surgery, his therapy, or any of Cas's treatment. Whatever strings she had pulled, she must have pulled a lot of them because there were so many expenses that Gabriel felt like they must have owed her their souls at that point, but she would just roll her eyes when they offered to pay her and tell them to shut up and accept a gift.

Gabriel had an excuse to stay in the hospital, which was probably the major reason why he agreed to physical therapy in the first place, but Dean did not. Dean kind of became a resident. He stayed with Cas, and basically shared his room. He never told anyone, but he did sleep in Castiel's bed when he slept at all. He needed that comfort. He could not let sleep take him when he was outside of the safety of Castiel's presence. It was strange for him to feel that way. He was used to it being Cas that felt that way and Cas being dependent, but now he needed Cas, and his need progressively worsened. 

Bobby had been away on a business trip working with a friend who owned another vehicle repair shop when Cas first fell into a coma. He came almost as soon as he arrived home. The news shocked him, but it didn't bother him personally. He had never met Cas, but he knew it would hurt Sam and especially Dean, so that automatically meant it concerned him. It also meant that it would harm him too, even if he didn't want to admit to that.

Dean was in Cas's room when Bobby arrived. He had been in there all day, and no one had even seen him yet. Sam had just returned from school - he had resumed his education a couple of weeks prior because he was getting too far behind. Bobby was gathered with Sam and Gabriel outside of Castiel's room having a serious discussion that was long since overdue.

“He needs to get out of here. He doesn't leave. He hardly even leaves that room.” Sam spoke like a worried parent to Bobby, who nodded in sagacious understanding.

“He's with him more than I am, and I'm actually stuck in this place. I don't think it's healthy.” Gabriel chimed in.

“Idjit.” Bobby scoffed. “I'll get him out. Don't worry about it.” He said dismissively with a voice brimming with confidence. 

“Thanks, Bobby. I - we - really appreciate you being here .” Sam spoke sincerely as his face softened into a look of genuine gratitude.

“Don't get all sappy on me, boy. Just let me do my work… He's in there?” Bobby asked for confirmation as he jerked his head towards Castiel's door.

“He lives in there.” Gabriel said with a delicate eyebrow raise.

“I'll just have to drag him out then.” Bobby declared casually as he fearlessly opened the door, leaving Sam and Gabriel alone in the hallway, and entered the strangely illuminated hospital room.

Dean was sitting there with his hand entwined with Cas's. He was seated in a chair next to the bed, and he was motionless as he started down at Castiel's still broken form.

“A little bit lonely in here.” Bobby commented as coolly as he could. The sight actually offset him slightly. Dean was solemnly silent, and that was so unlike the rambunctious man that he knew; it almost seemed wrong for him to be in that state.

Dean's eyes slowly shifted from Cas to Bobby. His eyes were glassy and bright, but there was still that hidden sorrow hidden in the thick of their green forest. “Hey, Bobby.” His voice sounded like an echo, hollow and meaningless.

“You look awful, kid. Why don't you go out? Me and those other two idjits can look after him.” Bobby motioned briefly to Cas with his hand.

“I can't leave him.” Dean muttered as if he had repeated it a thousand times.

“You’re going to. That's an order, son. You're going out of this hospital before you lose your mind.” Bobby demanded somewhat aggressively. Sometimes a little bit of force was necessary if it was for the right reason.

Dean looked from Cas to Bobby and then back again. He wanted to stay with Castiel, but there was not really any saying no to Bobby once he ordered you to do something. “Maybe you're right.” He sighed before agreeing reluctantly. “Maybe I need a bit of time away.” 

Bobby nodded. “I'm always right, idjit. I'm old. You should listen to me more often.” He joked as he gave Dean a pat on the back. “Go to the most obnoxiously happy place you can think of - one that just makes you want to puke.” 

“Thanks, Bobby. I'll keep that in mind.” Dean replied as he left the room with only one final glance back at Castiel. I'll come back, Cas. I promise. 

\-----------------------

Sam had gone with Dean for moral support while Gabriel and Bobby had stayed with Cas. Dean refused to leave Cas on his own, and Gabriel agreed. Even if he was not conscious, he was still Castiel. He still feared being alone, so they refused to let that happen.

Sam did not know where Dean was taking him. It was a vaguely familiar drive, as if he had been there a thousand times before, but it was strangely unfamiliar. He wondered if he should even be letting Dean drive considering all that he had going on in his mind. Dean had broken down just the other day and ended up flipping over a couple of tables in the cafeteria after the doctor had told him that Cas had an even slimmer chance of waking up. The doctor said that every day that Cas spent in a coma decreased his chances of waking up. It took nearly an hour to calm Dean down after that. He had been eating lunch when the doctor told him, and he had tried to control himself, but he lost it and ended up flipping a few tables. Sam had to pull him away, and it took quite a bit of coercing from him and Gabriel to convince Dean that Cas was going to be okay.

Dean’s driving was surprisingly steady. He was solemnly silent with his eyes locked on the road, but there was some kind of distant look behind his eyes. He seemed absent, and for a moment, Sam questioned if Dean knew where they were going. He debated asking him, but he wondered if that would do any good. Dean seemed to have a set destination, even if he did not know it.

Everything became more familiar once they arrived at their destination. It took Sam a moment, but he undoubtedly recognized the place. They were at the cliff that dipped over the lake. The Impala came to a stop right next to a large tree. Memories began to wash over Sam. Sam and Dean had come there often as kids. They used to climb the very tree that they were parked next to. They used to play hide and go seek in the neighboring trees. Some nights they would just sit there with a popsicle or some ice cream and just talk about life. Sam had been an imaginative kid. He had hopes; he had dreams. He had dreamed of making a world without suffering - a world “where everybody’s happy all the time!” as his energetic five year old self had put it. Sam had not gone to that cliff since the night that John beat him. It felt like a ghost town of memories and times long lost. Now, he had returned to the place that contained all of his childish hopes and dreams, but he had returned for Dean. Dean choose the place for a reason, and Sam began to wonder why. 

“I remember this place.” Sam began experimentally. He did not want to upset Dean, so he tried to be as mellow as he could.

“Yeah. Me too.” Dean replied blankly as he opened the front door and left the Impala. Sam followed his lead as he too exited the car, only to find Dean propped up against the driver’s side of the Impala, taking the whole place in. There was a strange melancholy air surrounding the cliff that was accompanied by a reverent silence. It was strangely peaceful, but yet there still seemed to be something wrong with the entire atmosphere. 

“This is a nice place.” Sam tried to get Dean to talk about anything that was not Cas. He had come to make sure that Dean got his mind off of his comatose boyfriend, and he wanted to make sure that he accomplished that goal.

“Yeah. It is.” Dean replied mechanically. 

“We used to come here all of the time, remember?” Sam gently pushed him to pick up the conversation.

Dean was silent as the memories of summer nights with his little brother began to swarm his mind. “Oh. Yeah, I remember that.”

“You used to make me climb that tree over there.” Sam said as he motioned towards the large tree that they were parked next to.

Dean’s gaze focused on the tree. Sam had not intended to, but he had just motioned to the tree that was intended to make Dean happy. It had that carving of the ridiculously fluffy cat licking an oversized ice cream cone. The image made a ghost of a smile emerge on Dean’s face. The thought of Cas hunched over as he tried to remedy Dean’s past with a little carving was a sweet image, and Dean enjoyed it. The good memory soon began to fade as he remembered where Castiel was at the moment. 

“He should be here.” Dean blurted out an almost completely random statement.

Sam knew who Dean was talking about. He knew that there had to be some reason other than a trip down memory lane that Dean had chosen that spot. It had to have something to do with Cas. “I know, Dean.” Sam responded gently. “But he’s not here right now. You have to accept that. I’m here right now. We can talk about something else, anything else.” He tried to keep a steady voice, but he found that his emotions began to creep into his voice and make it sound almost pleading.

Dean nodded. “You’re right. When he wakes up, I’ll take him here again, but for now It’s just you and me.” He pulled his gaze away from the tree to focus it on Sam.

Relief swept over Sam as Dean spoke. He had gotten through to him. “And he will be happy to come here with you. I’m sure of it, but for now…” Sam broke off as he walked over to Dean and propped himself against the side of the car beside his brother . “It’s just like the good old days.”

“You mean like the time we saw a stray puppy out here, and you thought it was a wolf.” Dean teased his younger brother lightly.

“Dude, I was five.” Sam defended himself.

“Yeah, but you were so afraid. You just clung onto me, and you were crying. ‘Dean! There’s a wolf out there!’” Dean mocked Sam theatrically with a whiny high pitched voice.

“I did not sound like that, Dean.” Sam shook his head in amusement as a genuine smile filed his face.

“Oh yeah, you did.” Dean lifted his eyebrows as he let out a bemused chuckle. “You used to have the tiniest little voice-”

“Yeah, well you used to have a pillow pet.” Sam interjected in a lightly teasing voice. “What was his name again…?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sam.” Dean feigned ignorance.

“Mr. Snuffles… No.. Ahah!” Sam declared triumphantly. “Mr. Snuggles!” He spoke in the weirdest, mushiest voice he could manage, and then he burst out in laughter.

“There’s nothing funny about a kid and his stuffed animal.” Dean pretended to get defensive, when in reality he almost laughed with Sam.

“It is when the kid takes him everywhere with him.” Sam replied with a devilish grin.

“That’s an over-exaggeration.” Dean said as he waved a dismissive hand at Sam. “At least I did not sneak a dog into school and tell people that it was my baby brother.” He countered.

Sam tilted his head back as he let out a large laugh. “You know, most of them actually believed me.”

Dean shared Sam’s laugh. “Of course they did. You were a clever kid. You could have tricked those kids into thinking you were some kind of God.” 

“Maybe, but remember when I told them that you were my dad…” Sam went on and on excitedly, and Dean played along. His worldly troubles were forgotten for a while as he relived his past joys with his beloved brother.

\-------------------------------

Gabriel was sitting next to Cas in the chair that Dean usually claimed. It had taken a bit of effort to heave himself into the chair because of his crutches, but he had managed. Bobby was outside the room, impatiently waiting for Dean and Sam to return considering that Gabriel had left him all alone in a hospital hallway. Gabriel felt bad for doing that, but he wanted to talk to Cas. He had never been alone with his brother since the accident. Dean was nearly constantly at his side, and Gabriel himself had been wrapped up in treatments and physical therapy. Now he had a chance to talk to Castiel in private. 

“Hey, Cassie.” He began, almost awkwardly in a hushed voice. “I know it's been a while, and I'm really sorry for that, but I… I just miss talking to you, and I kind of wanted to try it again while I've got the chance. 

“There's something I've got to say, and I've had to say it for a while now. I…” Gabriel had wanted to tell Cas his thoughts for a while, but he still did not know how to phrase them properly. “I'm sorry that I let you get hit. I should have been there. I should have stopped it. It… It really should have been me that got hit. You didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have been so focused on hurting Michael because I know you don't like watching me hurt people, especially family, but… Cas… Michael isn't family anymore. I'm sorry, but he's not.” Gabriel's voice became drenched in sorrow as he spoke.

“I wish I could change it. I wish he wanted to be a part of our family. I wish he was still the brother we once knew, but he's not, and I know you don't want to accept that, but I needed to tell you. He's gone, Cassie. Thing is, he's been gone for a while now, and you refused to believe that. I… I should have kept you away from him. Dean was right. Nothing good could come from Michael. I want you to understand that, okay? I don't want you going after Michael. I don't want you to say that it wasn't his fault because it was. There's no hiding that, Cas!” Gabriel's anger began to build as he ranted on.

“There's no pretending that he didn't mean it because he made it clear what he meant! You can't make excuses for him now! There is no excuse for what he did, and I don't think there ever was. I just wanted to believe there was.” Gabriel's voice began to drop back down to its normal volume as his eyes drifted down towards the ground. “Michael's gone. I can't lose you too, Cassie. Me, Sammy, Dean-o - we're all waiting for you. We're your family. We don't need Michael. You have us, and we're here, but we need you too. We need you back… I need you back.” His voice was barely more than a whisper when he finished. His eyes lifted up towards Cas as he stared intently at Cas's slowly healing face. “Please, Cassie.” He muttered as his hand flew to Castiel's to give it a tight squeeze.

\-----------------

Gabriel left to go to a physical therapy session when Dean and Sam got back. Bobby was still waiting outside of the hospital room because he thought it was “creepy as hell to see a man like that.”

Dean entered the room after asking Bobby and Sam to wait outside. They both willingly complied. Dean walked into that room with some kind of mission, and neither Sam nor Bobby wanted to interfere with that.

He perfunctorily sat himself down in the chair that Gabriel had been using earlier. “Hey, Cas. I went to the cliff today. Sam and I had a good time, but seeing your carving there got me thinking…” He bit his lip as he worked over his word choices carefully. This was important, and he wanted to say it right. 

“We've been together a long time, Cas, and… I… I miss you right now. I miss you more than I've ever missed anything before, and that's kind of given me a certain appreciation for you. I want you back, and when you do come back, I want you back forever. I don't want to lose you again. We can get married if that's what you want. I know it's what I want, but it's up to you. If you want, we can get that house by the lake. I'd sell anything I've got just to move in the with you. Hell, we could get a cat - even ten. I don't care how swamped we are in cats; I could drown in them for all I care. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I'll take allergy meds, and it'll be fine. You can name them too. I know you love that. We'd get the really fluffy ones - your favorites. I… I just want to spend my life with you, Cas. I don't care how. I know our dream would be amazing, and I would give anything to give it to you, but I'd be happy just to have you back. That's all I really want.” 

Dean muttered the last sentence as he yawned. He had not slept for two days because of the doctor's recent announcement, and he was quite tired. He now edged himself onto the bed and curled up against Cas, breathing in his fading scent. He closed his eyes and let himself synchronize his breathing with Castiel's. The soft steady beating of his beloved’s heart soothed Dean into a dreamless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know I'm cramming in chapters, but I still love comments and kudos. Thanks to those of you who do!


	11. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: fluff ahead

“Dean… You're crushing me.”

“Yeah. I'm sorry, Cas.” Dean grumbled with eyes still heavily sealed with sleep as he loosened his grip on Castiel. It took his brain a moment more to register what he just said. “Cas!” He immediately shot up and turned himself over to face Castiel.

Said man’s eyes were steadily focused in him. Castiel did not look much physically better than when he first arrived in the hospital, but now he had his shining blue eyes open, and that gave his entire being a calming sense. “Hello, Dean.” He stated as if it were nothing.

“Cas… You…” Dean felt a tear of joy begin to form in his right eye. Castiel's eyes were locked on him - as were his on the man before him. Dean saw everything he had been yearning for in that gaze. He saw innocence, kindness, shyness… Peace. 

There was a moment of silence before either of them said or did anything, but after some processing time, Dean pulled Cas into a loving embrace. Castiel was unmoving for a moment since he was probably still getting used to being awake again, but he soon returned Dean's hug with weak, damaged arms.

“Cas,” Dean's voice was filled with endearment as he spoke. “You don't know how much I missed you.” He murmured as he began to place delicate kisses on top of Castiel's head.

“I'm here now.” Cas informed him. “And I'm glad I am. I really missed this.” He chuckled as Dean continued to place light kisses on his head before laying one on his forehead. Dean pressed his own forehead against Castiel's and just left it there.

They sat there in silence breathing each other in. They didn't need to speak. Everything was understood just from their closeness. The feeling both of them got from being that close was more of an indicator of their feelings than any words could be.

However, there was one thing that began to trouble Dean. “How long have you been awake?” He asked as he pulled away from Cas a little bit to hold his face in his hands. 

“A few hours. You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you.” Cas reported, almost mechanically.

“Didn't… Cas,” Dean's voice took on a more agitated tone. “I've been waiting for you to wake up for… who even knows?! All I know is that I've been in here a long time waiting to see you again. I would have taken seeing you over sleep any day of the week!”

“Oh.” Castiel said in realization. “I had not thought about that. I'm sorry, Dean.” His expression softened in regret as he sincerely apologized.

Dean began to stroke Castiel's face with his thumbs as if determining whether or not it was real. “Don't apologize. I'm just glad to have you back.” His voice almost cracked with emotion.

“I'm glad to be back.” Cas admitted as he lifted a weak arm to Dean's, and he held onto it as if he was afraid of letting go.

\----------------------

Dean and Cas were alone in that room for hours like that. They were both too focused on each other to even think about their brothers, so when Gabriel came in to visit Cas after a therapy session, he nearly had a heart attack.

“C-Cas?” Gabriel rubbed his eyes in disbelief as he stared at Cas, who was curled up in Dean's arms in his hospital bed.

Cas opened his eyes to meet his brother’s gaze. “Hi, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel felt his mouth drop open. He blinked repeatedly in order to make sure he wasn't dreaming. “C-Cas? How long have you…?” He was too deep in shock to even formulate a proper question.

“I'm not sure. Dean?” Cas turned his eyes upwards towards the man who was holding him tightly.

“Mmm.” Dean hummed in response. “A few hours.” He replied without even opening his eyes. He seemed to be in absolute bliss.

“Hours?! You've been awake for hours, and you hadn't even thought to tell me?!” Gabriel shouted in disbelief.

“I was with Dean.” Cas responded simply as if that explained everything and made it entirely rational. “What happened to your leg?” His eyes widened in concern once he noticed Gabriel’s crutches.

“I can see that, but I still wanted to know! I've been waiting for you to wake up, Cas! I care too.” Gabriel did not mean to shout at Cas. He was just hurt that he was not informed earlier. He had been dreading the thought of Castiel not waking up, and it would have relieved him greatly to hear that Cas was awake. “My leg is not the problem here, Cas.” His voice lowered to a murmur.

Castiel's brow furrowed in thought. He had not thought of it that way. Dean was the one with him when he woke up, and Dean had since been the one to distract him from the rest of the world. He did not think about Gabriel when he was with Dean because he did not think of anything except Dean when he was with him. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't realize…” Cas apologized as realization began to crash down on him. He had not meant to leave Gabriel in a painful suspense. That was not what he wanted at all.

Gabriel sighed. “It's okay, Cas. I get it. I'm just glad that you're here.” He said in a voice drenched with a thousand different emotions: joy, hurt, regret, pain, understanding...

“Me too.” Cas agreed as he moved away from Dean a little bit to hold his arms out to Gabriel as an invitation to a hug.

Gabriel accepted the proposal warmly as he made his way towards Cas and allowed himself to melt into his brother’s arms. “Don't do that ever again.” He muttered as tears began to roll from his eyes and onto Castiel's shoulder. 

“I won't.” Cas promised firmly. He did not like the idea of leaving Gabriel and Dean again. He did not like the apparent pain that he had caused them. He never wanted to see that look on their faces again. They were his family, and you do not hurt your kin. 

Family. The word triggered something in Castiel's mind. “What about Michael?” He asked softly

“Gone. He's gone, Cas, and he's not coming back.” Gabriel informed him as gently as he could.

“But… he's family…” Castiel protested weakly. His voice was still quiet and fragile because of his long slumber and his messed up neck.

Gabriel shot a firm glance at Dean, silently asking him to leave him and Cas alone. Dean got the hint, and rustled around in the hospital bed to get up. Cas looked up at him in terror as soon as he realized that Dean was leaving. He looked at him with large pleading eyes that begged him to stay with him. Dean's gaze softened when he saw Cas's desperation to keep him there. He gave him the smallest of smiles in order to reassure him that he'd be back. Castiel gulped nervously as Dean got up to leave the room and he slowly had to relinquish his hold on Dean.

“As soon as you're healthy enough to leave, I'm taking you out.” Dean declared firmly before he left the room.

Gabriel waited until Dean had left the room before he began to express his thoughts. “Cas, Michael is not family. He's lost that privilege. Dean, Sam, and I are your family. You don't need Michael. He's gone, and we can't change that, but that doesn't have to stop us from being happy. We can still be a family.” Gabriel lectured his practiced speech.

Cas was silent for a moment. He didn't know how to process that. Michael was no longer family. He was gone, and he was not coming back. “But… We should fight for family.” Cas stated with confusion.

“He's made it clear that he's not family, and there's nothing we can do about that.” Gabriel patiently assured him .

“Why not?” Tears began to form in Castiel's eyes. “I just want my brother back.” He whimpered as his lip quivered. 

“I know, but it's too late for that. We're here now Cas. We're here for you.” Gabriel felt tears begin to well up in his eyes too. It seemed that Castiel's crying was contagious. He pulled him in for a comforting hug. He let Cas cry there for a while. They both wept for their lost brother.

\--------------------------

Dean kept his promise to Castiel. It took him a few weeks to be well enough to leave the hospital, but Sam, Gabriel, and Dean were there to help him along the way. They kept him company and made sure that he took care of himself. They were the ones who nurtured him back to health. 

The whole hospital staff seemed upset to see Cas go. They had become accustomed to him - or rather, his visitors, and they had really begun to grow on them. Sam was a sweetheart and was always willing to help any of the doctors or nurses out if they needed it. Gabriel provided a nurturing and fun attitude. He never gave up hope, and he had encouraged other patients to do the same. Dean was a good listener to anyone who came in with anxiety and pain. He understood, and he was able to just let them rant, which did a lot more for them than doctors admitted. Once Cas woke up, all of the nurses were taken by his innocence and generally sweet attitude. The four of them had practically become a part of the hospital itself.

Dean, however, was quite ecstatic to finally be out of the hospital and able to take Cas out again. As soon as Castiel was cleared, Dean took him for a long since overdue trip to the cliff - their cliff. A smile formed on Cas’ face when he saw the road that Dean was taking. He knew where they were going, and he could not wait to get there. Going to the cliff with Dean meant that things were beginning to become normal again. He was going to spend time with Dean. They were going to their favorite spot, and they were going to be together again at last. Once they got there, they got out of the Impala in a ritualistic manner. Dean lifted himself onto the car, and Cas did the same. It was the same routine they had done many times so long ago. 

“I missed these nights so much.” Dean breathed lightly as his eyes swept towards the sky.

“I did too. The whole time I was in the hospital, I was waiting to get out and come here.” Cas admitted as he too lifted his gaze heavenwards.

“Me too. You see… There was something that I wanted to tell you, but it only seemed right telling you here.” Dean sounded mildly nervous as he spoke, but he still tried to force his confidence.

Cas cuddled his head into Dean’s shoulder. “Sure. I’m listening.”

“You know… I’ll tell you later. Let’s just enjoy ourselves for now.” Dean attempted to dodge the topic. He wanted to talk about it, but he was afraid to bring it up too soon.

Cas rolled his eyes. “You’re avoiding it. If you tell me now, the night will not be nearly as strained.” 

Dean sighed. “Okay, but you’ve got to hear me out first.” He gave him a precursory warning.

“Of course.” Cas stated in disbelief that Dean thought he would not listen to him. He always listened to him. Nobody said anything that was of more importance to him. 

“So… I was thinking…” Dean began, shuffling around on the hood of the Impala nervously as he configured his words. “Well, seeing you in that hospital bed and not knowing if you were going to make it out really got me thinking. It got me thinking about us: who we were, what we were to each other, how valuable our lives are, and how short they can seem. I got thinking about how life could end at any moment. I used to live life like it could last forever, like nothing really mattered, but I see how wrong I was now. Life could end up being really short. I could have lost you, Cas.” Emotion began to creep into his voice, and he had to clear his throat in an attempt to rid himself of it before he continued.

“That could have been it for you. My point is this: life’s too short to let the important things go unnoticed. I was so happy with you, Cas, and I almost lost that. I still could, and that brings me to think…” He paused for a moment as his gaze drifted from the stars and towards Cas to meet his gaze. 

Castiel was listening intently with his eyes focused solely on Dean. His words resonated deeply with him, and he waited attentively for Dean to continue.

“I don’t want to loose more time. I want to use whatever time we have. I… I want to be with you for the rest of that time. It took me a while to come to this decision, but I’ve made my mind up now. I love you, Castiel James Novak. I love you, and the thought of life without you is dark and meaningless. I just could not bare the thought of losing you. I need you by my side, and I would like you to be there for as long as we shall live. I guess what I’m saying is…” His voice was laced with sentiment as he jumped off of the hood of the Impala to bend down on one knee and pulled out a blue ring box containing a ring with an emerald in the center. “Will you do me the honor of putting up with me for the rest of our lives?”

Cas’s hands flew up to his mouth in shock. He had not expected that. He had only been awake for a few weeks, but apparently Dean had gone through enough to realize that he had to take the chance that he was given. Cas took in a few heavy breaths. He did not know what to say. He temporarily reverted back to the introverted man that Dean had met in the ice cream shop all that time ago. 

“Dean…” Castiel’s voice cracked with emotion as his gaze focused on the ring in front of him. It was stunningly beautiful. It resembled Dean’s eyes tremendously. In fact, Cas could swear that it was the same exact shade and color of his irises. 

“You don’t want to.” Dean’s eyes widened in hurt and shock as he slowly began to close the ring box. “Right, I get it. I guess I kind of rushed into things. I’m sorry-” His dejected yet apologetic rant was interrupted as Cas heaved himself off of the Impala with a little bit of effort - his body was still not fully recovered after all, but he was mostly better - and pulled Dean into him, crashing their lips together. 

Initially surprised, it took Dean a moment to melt into the kiss, but he soon did as he lifted his arms to wrap them around Castiel’s neck and shoulders.

“You could have just said ‘shut up’.” He teased as he pulled away from Cas, still staring into those shining blue eyes.

“That would be rude.” Castiel informed him, seemingly serious.

“Yeah, well I’m a rude person.” Dean grunted as he went in for another kiss.

Cas complied as he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and pulled him closer. “I’m not you, Dean.” Castiel breathed out once they pulled away again.

“I’m glad you’re not. I like you as you.” Dean replied in amusement as he pressed his forehead against Castiel’s and just breathed in his scent for a moment. 

“Enough to… Marry me?” Cas asked seriously as if he did not quite believe Dean’s earlier proposition.

“Yeah. Of course. As long as you can put up with me.” Dean chuckled in amusement.

A warm smile filled Castiel’s face. “I can do more than just put up with you. I love being around you.”

“Well, at least that’s settled.” Dean replied as he pulled away from Cas to sit back down on the hood of the Impala casually as if nothing had just happened.

“What?” Cas was confused. “Aren’t we going to talk about this?” 

“What is there to talk about? We’re going to get married. Is there really more to it than that?” He asked as he adopted Castiel’s baffled tone.

“Yes!” Cas declared as if it was obvious. “I mean, when and where? How is this going to work-”

Dean interrupted Cas by waving a dismissive hand at him. “I thought that much was obvious. We’ll get married when Sam goes off to college. I kind of figured we’d get married by the lake, and then we’d go live in that house you want.”

Castiel’s face brightened up at the mention of the house they dreamed of. “And we can make it just like we dreamed about. We can even get the cat.” He spoke with excitement ringing through his voice.

“Right. That’s what I was thinking.” Dean agreed coolly.

“But…” Cas trailed off as doubt filled his voice. “How could we afford that? How could you afford that ring anyway?” 

Dean sighed. Money was a tough topic, but he did not want that to be a problem. He wanted to give Castiel their dream and not have to worry about going into an eternal debt. “I… I worked extra long to buy that ring. I bought a blue one to match too. I don’t care about money, Cas. Bobby is retiring, and he said he’d leave the shop to me. That is sure to bring in more money. I can put in more hours, maybe even find another job in addition. I’d even sell the Impala.” Dean gave the car an endearing pat. “I just want us to have our dream.”

Castiel nodded his head in agreement. “I’ll work extra hard too. I don’t want you to have to sell your car; you love it too much for that, but I will do whatever it takes to reach our goal.” 

“It’s settled then.” Dean replied seriously. “We’ll buy that lake house, and we’ll get married when the time comes. We can even get a cat. We can have our dream, and nothing can take that away; I won’t let it.”

\-----------------------------

They worked vigorously to try and obtain that goal. Sam had turned eighteen a few weeks ago, and he was going to graduate in a few more. Sam was a smart kid. He had a full ride to Stanford already lined up for him, and Jess was going with him. Things were looking up for their family.

Bobby had retired - he had said that he was “too tired of putting up with all of the idjits.” They all agreed that Bobby seemed happier when he did not have to work so much. He still came into the garage every so often in order to help Dean configure the store or even just as some company.

Running the shop was a lot more work than Dean had thought it was going to be. It involved so much paperwork and time, but he was willing to do it if that was how they could afford their lake house. He and Cas had begun to set aside a fund for their dream home, and they were hoping to have it fulfilled by the time they were married. They planned on getting married that summer. They had arranged the whole ceremony. It was going to be a small gathering. They planned on having Bobby, Sam, Jess and her family, Gabriel, and a good deal of the hospital staff, who had become quite attached to the Novaks and the Winchesters. That was it. There were no other invitations sent. Castiel's dad was not invited. No one even knew where he was. John Winchester was not invited either. He, along with Michael, were not wanted at the ceremony. They could bring nothing but trouble, and they wanted their wedding to be disturbance-free. It would be small, but it would be peaceful, and that made it the ideal for both Dean and Castiel.

“What do you want for breakfast this morning?” Dean asked casually as he flipped through the kitchen cabinet in search of something to make for breakfast. Saving up money meant limiting how much they ate, but they told themselves it would be worth it in the end.

“Mmm…” Castiel pondered lightly from his seat on the couch. He was in one of Dean's gray T-shirts and some baggy sweatpants, and his feet were adorned with fuzzy cat slippers that Gabriel had bought him as an engagement gift. They were by far Castiel's favorite article of clothing, and he felt eternally grateful for them. “What do we have?” He asked in a light tone. His voice sounded soft and peaceful, as if he had finally found a place where there were no worldly troubles - just bliss. 

Dean scanned through the cabinet again. “Uh… It looks like…” The cabinet was practically empty aside from a half full box of pasta, an old jar of peanut butter, a bag of sugar, and some frosted flakes. Dean frowned upon seeing the empty pantry. He wanted them to obtain their dream, but he also wanted them to be able to eat. “We've got some cold cereal.” Dean tried to keep his voice positive as he called back to Cas.

“That sounds fine to me.” He replied with a shrug.

“Sure.” Dean grunted as he pulled the cereal out of the cabinet and went over to the fridge to get some milk. Upon opening the fridge, Dean found that it too was nearly entirely empty. There was some left over cheap Chinese food in the back of the fridge, and to the side was a small carton of strawberries. There was a nearly empty bottle of milk placed on the side bar of the fridge, and Dean pulled it out to examine it with a small pout of his lip. The expiration date was over a week ago. “Looks like we don't have milk.” He could not help but let some of his negative concern slip in. They had nothing to eat.

“That's okay too.” Cas responded without batting an eyelash.

“Cas…” Dean began to take on a serious tone as he put the box of cereal down to go and sit on the couch next to Castiel, who looked up at him with expectant eyes as soon as he sat down. 

“I think we need to talk about our financial issues.” Dean sighed after saying it, but it had to be done. He did not want Cas to have to live in poverty.

“What issues? I'm fine like this.” Castiel promised him as he moved his hand over to Dean's knee to give it a confirming squeeze.

“I know you are, but I want more for you.” His voice lowered down to a sweet whisper as his hand flew on top of Castiel's. “Maybe we should hold off on buying the house until later. We could use the money right now.”

Castiel's eyes began to drift to the ground. That was their dream, and he wanted nothing more than to obtain it and live it with Dean. “But… I can pick up more hours. I'll work the ice cream shop full time. Maybe I'll even go back to school soon. Then I'll be able to bring home more money.” He began to ramble frantically as he felt that his dream was flying further from reach.

“I don't want you to have to do that, Cas. That's too much. I'm already working full time, so there's not much more I can do. You… You've done enough. You work hard, Cas. That's what matters. All I'm saying, is that we should spend a little bit more money on food. We can always buy the house after we get married. It will be a pain in Sam's butt, but we can stay here ‘till then.” Dean motioned to his apartment room around them with a jerk of his head. 

He had promised Sam that they would leave as soon as they could, and Sam had told them that he did not mind, but he was just being polite. Nobody would want to live with an engaged couple, especially when that involved watching your brother make obnoxious kissy faces at a socially challenged ice cream man. Sam did not enjoy walking in on Cas and Dean at all. Watching movies with them was awkward. Eating dinner with them was weird. Playing twister with them was uncomfortable. Doing just about anything with them felt odd. Everything almost always took a romantic route, and Sam felt like a third wheel. He tried his hardest not to get shut in the apartment with them. It was better when Gabriel was around because then he was not an awkward third wheel. Instead, he was an essential member of their family.

“But… Sam could not possibly be comfortable with that.” Cas protested in consideration of said man’s feelings.

“He'll be fine. He’s moving out pretty soon anyway. I think we just need a bit of time. Money's coming in from the shop, but I need time to save enough. That's all we need: time.” Dean assured him gently as he reached a nurturing hand to Castiel's face and began to stroke it softly.

Cas gave him a slight nod in response. “I understand.” He agreed quietly. He did not like it, but Dean was right. They needed time to get things ready. Their dream would have to wait a while, but at least they still had each other, and Cas thought that to be far more important than having any house.

“I promise. We'll get there.” Dean swore solemnly as he pulled Cas into his arms and placed a delicate kiss on the top of his forehead. We'll get there, Cas. No matter what it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. Marriage

Sam's graduation came up so fast that Dean almost forgot. He was dazed when Sam told him that he had to go and get fitted for his cap and gown. Honestly, it took a while for the thought to fully process. His little brother was graduating. He was grown up. He was eighteen, and he was going to go off on his own and make the world a better place. Dean honestly could not be more proud. Sam was everything Dean had failed to be, and that made him incredibly happy. At least one of the Winchesters was able to turn out right despite their rough upbringing. 

Cas was sandwiched between Dean and Gabriel for the graduation. They had all dressed up as nicely as they could manage. Cas was in a white button down shirt with a blue tie and black khakis. Dean was in a black tuxedo that Bobby had bought him for business meetings when he took over the shop, and Gabriel was dressed in khakis and a blue button down shirt. 

They sat at the graduation for hours attentively. Dean had his gaze locked proudly on Sam for the most part, but Cas occasionally distracted him by playing with his hand. Castiel got bored during the entire two hour long ceremony, and he ended up keeping himself entertained by tracing shapes on Dean's arm and hand.

Dean hardly even noticed at first. He was so used to Cas just wanting to hold his hand and playing around with it that it had almost become normal. It was not until Castiel's fingers came upon Dean's silver ring with the aquamarine gem, which nearly perfectly matched Castiel's shining blue eyes shade for shade, that he took notice. Cas began to hum contently as his fingers repeatedly traced over Dean's ring, and that brought a smile to Dean's face.

He turned to Cas to give him said smile as he reached his other hand over to grab Castiel's ring hand and place it gently on top of Dean's. He kept his hand there and began to stroke that hand and Castiel's ring tenderly.

Gabriel rolled his eyes trying to pretend that he was annoyed. Normally, it would be annoying to have a couple sit there and be overly affectionate, but this was different. Cas and Dean were so content, and they deserved it after all they had been through recently. “I thought we were here for Sam.” Gabriel joked as he leaned in to whisper to Cas and Dean.

“We are. Why would we not be?” Cas asked, thoroughly baffled as his eyes squinted.

“He's just joking, Cas.” Dean informed him gently as he turned his attention to Gabriel to give him a strange look. Gabriel could not quite understand what it meant, but it was a mix of unrecognizable emotions. He seemed happy, content, peaceful, like nothing in the world could bother him.

“Oh.” Cas muttered as he began to understand. He placed his head on top of Dean's shoulder. “I see.” He closed his eyes.

“Don't fall asleep yet. It will be Sam's turn soon.” Dean warned as he focused this gaze warmly down at his tired fiancée. 

Cas perked his head up at the warning. He did not want to fall asleep if it was almost Sam's turn. They had been reading names for over half an hour, and they were finally in the W’s section. After every name came a cheer and some clapping, but the majority of it sounded forced. Cas silently decided that he would cheer for Sam, but he wanted his ovation to be genuine.

Dean bit his lower lip in anticipation as they got closer to Sam's name. He looked like he was ready to explode with cheering. His eyes were shining brilliantly with excitement and a proud glimmer tinted his vibrant irises. They were shining with a proud anticipation, and in that moment, he looked so full of life. His eyes were no longer the sullen pits that they had been when Cas was in a coma. Now, they were radiating warmth and affection. His gaze was alive, and that life spread through his whole face. He was glowing with pride and love.

Cas smiled warmly at the childish joy spreading across Dean’s face. Dean was so excited, and that made Cas eager as well. He was happy for Sam too, but Cas was certain that no one there was as excited as Dean was.

“Samuel Winchester.” The man reading the names off said without any sort of enthusiasm, but Dean made up for that by shooting up from his seat to begin screaming. He was screaming Sam’s name like Sam was some sort of football player who had just scored the winning touchdown. 

Cas stood up a little awkwardly to join him with softer cheers of praise. He was not nearly as loud as Dean was, but his commendations were genuine. 

Gabriel rolled his eyes before he too joined them clapping his hands vigorously. 

Sam shot a slightly embarrassed look at his family as he passed them by, but underneath that gaze was affection and appreciation. 

“You guys don’t know how to do anything quietly.” Gabriel murmured as he sat himself back down.

Dean did not seem to even hear him; he was lost in his brimming pride and joy that was his little brother Sammy, whom he had raised so well, was actually graduating. Sam was going to go on and do great things. He was a smart kid with a bright future, and Dean felt that to be the best thing that he could possibly give him. Society was proven wrong; Sam turned out just fine.

\-----------------------------------

The months leading up to the wedding were chaotic. Dean and Cas both had no idea how much planning actually went into a wedding, even one the size of theirs. They both worked at it together though, and they both worked together to save up for their house, and they were actually getting surprisingly close. The garage seemed to bring in more money than Dean had thought, and the ice cream shop had maintained a good business rate. 

Things were just getting progressively better as the wedding drew closer. There was no shortage of food anymore, and they were only a few hundred dollars away from their goal. Their dream was so close that they could almost taste it, and they both agreed that it already tasted sweet.

Sam spent less and less time in the apartment as Dean and Cas became more comfortable there. Sam had decided to knock on the door before entering the apartment ever since he walked in on Dean and Cas making out on the couch. That had made him almost scared to enter the apartment. Sam spent a lot of time in the local library or over at Jess’s house in order to get away from the clingy lovestruck couple. He would even go over to Gabriel’s apartment every so often, seeing as it was quite empty without Castiel around. Gabriel enjoyed the company, and together he and Sam would rant about Dean and Cas being too clingy. They did not mean it in a spiteful way; actually, they were both peculiarly happy for Dean and Cas's extreme closeness. They were happy for their brothers even if it meant having to put up with all the mush that went with it.

Dean and Cas were lying in what had become their bed. It used to be Dean's bed and Dean's room, but now the cramped apartment bedroom was cluttered with Castiel's belongings. On the floor were his cat slippers, and peeking out from the small, old dresser were a few of his shirts and socks. There were a few pictures lying on top of said dresser: one of a eight year old Castiel and thirteen year old Gabriel in the ice cream shop with Castiel's face covered in ice cream. 

Another photo was of Castiel's mother. It was a picture that looked unnaturally happy. Castiel and his two brothers were lined up in front of their mother with Gabriel in the center. They looked to be about the same age that they were in the last one. Cas had the smallest of shy smiles on his face, while Gabriel had this rather large childish grin. Michael only had a small smirk on his face as he looked away from the family entirely. Their mother was standing behind them with one hand on Michael's shoulder and the other on Castiel's. She had this forced smile that screamed of fatigue and inner unhappiness.

Another photo was Dean and Cas by the cliff. It was a selfie that Cas had insisted that they take so that they could “remember the moment”. Dean made the most ridiculous look he could think to make in the photo as he made his eyes as large as possible and then rounded his mouth. Cas had inevitably laughed at that, and so the photo was of Dean being a complete dork and Castiel laughing sweetly at it.

The last of the photos was the day that Cas was discharged from the hospital. Castiel was standing up proudly leaning into Dean for support. Gabriel had his arm wrapped around Cas as he grinned triumphantly at Castiel's recovery. Sam stood next to Dean with a soft compassionate smile. Wrapped in his arms was Jess who could not seem to keep a smile off her face. 

Each one of those photos represented a different kind of family for Castiel, but they were all family, and there was no denying that.

Cas was lying in the bed with his arms wrapped around the stuffed cat that Dean had given him that night at the cliff. Said man was lying down next to him with his arms wrapped around Castiel and his face buried in his shoulder. He was in a state of semi-sleep at the moment, and he felt it to be one of the most amazing feelings that he had ever experienced.

Cas was stroking the stuffed cat's hair lightly as he listened closely to Dean's steady breathing. He smiled. That was his soon-to-be-husband lying next to him. In just a few weeks, they would be married, and hopefully they would be able to get their house. They would have everything they ever wanted, and it was all happening so fast. It was moments like that that Cas was able to stop and appreciate the smaller things, like Dean sleeping like a baby on his shoulder. It was a treasure. Dean was a treasure that Cas could never have dreamed of finding. He had actually not thought that he even deserved to find it, but Dean had proven him wrong, and he was eternally grateful for that. He was eternally grateful for Dean.

“You don't know how glad I am to have found you.” Castiel muttered as he stroked Dean's head affectionately. Dean groaned in his sleep as he moved in closer to Cas, burying his face further into his shirt. Cas smiled at Dean's unintentional affection. “I love you, and I can't believe I found someone as perfect as you. You don't think so, but you are. You are perfect in my eyes. You… you are perfect to me, and all your imperfections just make you better in my eyes. I'm so lucky to have found you.” Cas whispered as he kissed Dean's head.

A soft smile emerged on the unconscious man's face, but it was still there, and it was there because of Castiel's presence, whether or not he heard Castiel's words, being that close was enough to make him smile.

\------------------

The day of the wedding was sunny and bright. The whole lake radiated with warmth that day. Cas and Dean were getting married at the lake. There was a wedding site along the edge of the lake. It was not a terribly used place, but it was gorgeous. In the fresh green grass area there was an arched trellis that was decked with blue morning glories and green orchids. There was a line of tables to one side with food and beverages lined up, all leading down to the cake at the end. The cake was large and white with three layers. It had an elaborate design of large blue flowers and it had Castiel and Dean's names printed in cursive at the top. 

The seating area was small, but there were a good ten rows of ten seats there, and each row was ended with either a blue or a green flower and a ribbon. The place was entirely decked out - flowers and ribbons everywhere, but it all seemed so natural. The whole theme just seemed to blend right in with the surrounding nature, and that made Dean and Castiel glad that they had chosen that venue. It was their venue. It was the lake. It had their green and the blue, and it had their family. That was all they needed. Dean was standing at the nearby dock overlooking the lake. In just two short hours, he would be married to the most magnificent man he had ever met. It was the most exciting and nervous thing he had ever experienced before. 

“It's almost time.” Sam informed him gently as he came up behind him slowly. 

“I know.” Dean grunted in agreement as he turned to give Sam a brisk nod.

“You don't have to be nervous, Dean. Everything is going to be fine.” Sam assured him as he placed himself next to Dean to give him a firm stare.

Dean sighed. “I don't know why, but I just… I just feel like this is too good to be true. I feel like walking down that aisle will make me snap back into reality where Cas doesn't even exist. He's a dream come true, and what if… What if that is too good to be true?”

Sam placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder. “He's real. I can vouch for that, and I can guarantee that he won't disappear.” He laughed lightly at his brother’s bizarre thinking. “Even if he was a dream, he would still refuse to leave you. He loves you, Dean. I'm sure of that.”

Dean shook his head lightly. “That's exactly the point. I didn't do anything to deserve him. I just feel like I couldn't possibly be worthy of this.” He admitted as his gaze bore into the ground.

“That's not true, Dean. You deserve this. After all you've done for me, and now for Cas, you definitely deserve to be happy with Cas.” Sam sounded almost shocked that Dean could actually think that way. Dean had selflessly given himself over to raising him, so he thought him to be the most worthy person of a happy ending. “You raised me, Dean. You took care of me when no one else would. You denied yourself happiness for so long for my sake, so if there is one person who deserves this, it's you.”

Dean was quiet for a moment as he contemplated Sam's words. Maybe he had denied himself the chance at happiness for too long. Maybe this was his chance to catch up. Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug. “Thanks, Sam.” Dean muttered sincerely as rested his head on his shoulder. “And raising you was not a distraction from happiness. Raising you was a whole world of happiness, and I couldn't be more proud of the outcome.” Dean replied with tears in his eyes as he pulled away. He gave Sam a warm brotherly smile as he took in his little brother, who had seemingly grown up in the blink of an eye. Sam was there saying all of these mature things to Dean. Sam was able to talk sense into Dean. One would think it would be the other way around.

Sam returned his smile. “Thanks, Dean. I'm happy for you. I'm glad you found this.” He responded sweetly as his face began to melt with undisguised emotion.

“Hey guys!” The scene was broken up as a rambunctious young redhead skipped towards them. “You guys look like your puppy just ran away. You guys doing okay?” The redhead teased as a friendly smile emerged in her face.

“Yeah, Charlie. We're fine.” Dean assured her lightly as he opened his arms up for the young woman. She accepted enthusiastically and gaze him a tight squeeze as she hugged him back and then moved on to hugging Sam.

“How's it going, Charlie?” Sam asked politely after she pulled out from her second hug to face both brothers. 

“Oh, you know - the usual.” She replied vaguely. “But not anything nearly as interesting as this.” She said with mocking hand motion to Dean's tuxedo. “I mean, wow! Just… Wow…” She murmured as she took in Dean's appearance. She took in his fresh combed back hair, his black tuxedo with his green tie, and the blue flower that was tucked in the pocket of his tuxedo; but the thing that drew the most attention was the warm smile in Dean's eyes that spread throughout his face. “Congratulations.” She murmured, stunned.

“That's supposed to be the first thing you say.” A small voice came from behind her. The voice belonged to a small kid probably a few years younger than Sam. 

“Hey Kevin. How are you doing?” Sam greeted Kevin curtly.

“I'm doing fine. My mom was really excited to hear about your wedding though.” Kevin said as his gaze focused on Dean. “She said it was about time you stopped playing and settled down.” He chuckled softly at the memory. Everything about Kevin was generally soft. He was a kind kid, who always thought about others. He was really smart too, and he and Sam had gotten along quite well despite the fact that Sam was almost three years older. 

There was a chorus of laughs amongst the gathered friends. “Is she here?” Dean asked with an amused smirk still plastered on his face.

“Somewhere. She's probably picking fights with other guests if I had a guess.” Kevin said with a knowing eyebrow lift.

“Most definitely. She's arguing with Benny about the flowers. Benny seems convinced that they're fake.” A calmly amused female voice came to join them on the dock.

“Where'd you come from, Jo?” Dean asked with a mischievous grin as he moved from his place to give Jo a welcoming hug. 

“Ow. I didn't get a hug.” Kevin jokingly pretended to be hurt.

Dean immediately moved from Jo to go and give the boy a rather tight hug. “That better?”

“Y-yup.” Kevin managed to choke out after some time. He was a small kid with an almost wimpy build, so a tight hug from the well-built older man was not exactly good for his lungs.

They all laughed at Kevin's forced response. He had asked for that one himself. 

“It's not that funny, guys!” Kevin protested as he folded his arms after being freed from Dean's hold. He sounded almost whiny, but inside, he wanted to laugh too. He loved being around his friends, and he wished that they spent more time all together. He pretended to pout at the ground.

“Uh oh. Looks like you hurt the baby.” Yet another new voice cooed mockingly. Everyone spun around to see a short, dark haired woman walking towards them.

“I'm not a baby, Ruby.” Kevin muttered defensively as she came closer. 

“It was a joke.” The dark haired woman rolled her eyes as she came right up to the group to stand right next to Sam, who seemed to grow uncomfortable just by having her near him. “Learn to take one.” She muttered exasperatedly. She stared at the entire group, one by one, when she realized they had gone completely silent. “What? Why are you all staring at me like that?”

“You… We haven't seen you since you and Sam broke up.” Dean reminded her with an edge to his tone.

She seemed genuinely surprised by the fact, and it took her a moment to collect her thoughts well enough to formulate a statement. “That was a while ago. I got an invitation, so I came. It's not like I showed up uninvited.”

Sam gulped. Ruby was his ex-girlfriend. They had broken up a few months before he started dating Jess, and there was a reason for that. She was a pretty bad influence. She was a rebel, and she tried to push that on him: alcohol, tobacco, drugs. Sam said that he had really begun to care about her, which made leaving her hard, but Dean had insisted that it was for the best, and pretty soon, Sam had realized that he was right. 

“Who invited you?” Dean asked clearly confused.

“Cas did. He was looking through our contacts, and he asked me who she was and if I was okay with inviting her, and I told him he could.” Sam explained nervously as he tried to keep his gaze off of Ruby.

“Why?!” Dean's confusion grew.

“Because… She's still my friend.” Sam muttered as if he were ashamed to admit it.

A sly smirk spread across Ruby's face upon hearing Sam's words, and she lifted her eyebrows in a smug manner. 

“Whatever.” Dean grunted with a dismissive wave of his hand. If Sam had invited her, then that was Sam's choice. Sam did not hold Ruby in any sort of spite; he just insisted that they were too different to be together. That did not stop them from being friends, but there was still something that unsettled Dean about her presence. He was not quite sure of what it was, but something was there. Something was off.

“I just came to be friendly, and you guys are treating me like I have the plague.” Ruby pretended to sound offended, but she was obviously faking it. She did not really care too much about what any of them had to say.

“I'm sorry. We didn't mean it like that.” Sam quickly apologized as his polite nature demanded him to do. Ruby was not a large influence in his life anymore, but the facts were still facts. Ruby had gotten him hooked on meth, and he had still not entirely recovered. Luckily, Dean was there for him to help him through it, but it was still hard for Sam to get back on his feet. Even after seeing the distress and pain being addicted caused him, Ruby could not understand why he wanted to stop. To her, that was life, and she could simply not understand how Sam could reject that. As Sam had said, they were actually still friends. He had agreed to hang around her as long as there were no drugs involved, and she had reluctantly agreed, seeing as some part of her had actually grown fond of him.

“I know.” She whispered as she leaned into Sam to press her hand against his arm. “Thanks for inviting me, Sam.” Her tone was almost sweet as she turned around with one final wink aimed in his direction.

“She knows about you and Jess, right?” Dean asked, still perplexed as he focused his gaze on where Ruby previously had been.

“Yeah. She's fine with it.” Sam mumbled in dull response as his mind was still racing with memories and thoughts. 

Charlie grabbed Sam's shoulder. “Come on, don't think about that. Let's celebrate! Your brother's getting married.” She encouraged with a giddy squeal.

“Right.” Sam nodded in agreement as he shook all thoughts of Ruby and his past actions out of his mind. “Let's focus on what's important.” He stated firmly. “My big brother's wedding.”

\-------------------------------

A few hours later, and it was time. Cas took in an unsteady breath. He could feel his heart beating at twice its normal rate as he stood on the cliff edge that he and Dean had gone to so often - it happened to only be a few yards from the wedding venue. He sat propped against the tree with the cat carving, tracing his fingers over his own handiwork. Even though his digits were focused on the wood, his eyes were locked in the area where the Impala would normally rest. He could just imagine him and Dean sitting there and talking about their future with juvenile excitement. He could see the glimmer of hope that was shining vibrantly in Dean's eyes. He could almost hear the conviction in Dean's voice as he planned their future together. That was the place of their dreams, and now they were about to all come true. He had learned so much in that place - self worth, hope, love, change… Dean had managed to show him so much, and Castiel had done the same for him. They made each other better, and now they were going to do so permanently. He smiled nervously at the thought. Marriage was not something he could have ever dreamed of - especially to a man like Dean, who was every woman's dreams come true. He was muscular, and he had a slick jaw line. His hair was smooth and short, and his lips soft and pink. He had those adorable freckles with a suave and cool personality. Most of all, he had those shining green eyes that one does not encounter more than once in one's lifetime. Green eyes were rare, but eyes like Dean’s were nearly extinct. 

“Cas!” Gabriel heaved heavily as he ran up panting towards him. “Cas, we've been looking for you. It's time.” He blurted between breaths.

Castiel looked up at Gabriel with a soft unmoving gaze. “I know. I'm ready.” He said without any hesitation as he stood up to join his brother.

Gabriel smiled moving over to fix Castiel's tie. It had been flipped backwards, and the wearer had not even noticed.

“Thank you.” Cas stated as he looked down at his tie to realize what state it had been in.

“No problem, little bro.” Gabriel replied automatically as he began to dust off Castiel's tuxedo. “That's what I'm here for.” 

Cas gave him a grateful nod. “I'm glad you are. Thank you… For being here for me, not just now, but always.” He voiced appreciation for his brother while Gabriel completed the finishing touches on Castiel's attire.

“I'm glad to do it, Cassie. You're really all I've got, or all I've had for a while. Now we've got Sam and Dean-o, but we did not always have them. You're my brother, and I'm glad to have had you there for me too, and I'm glad that you've found someone to make you happy too. I'm so proud of you, Cassie. You showed them that they were wrong. Michael was wrong. You are worth so much more than you think, and you deserve happiness.” Gabriel responded sincerely, and he gave Cas a genuine hug.

Cas melted into the embrace automatically, feeling tears begin to sting at the corners of his eyes. “Thank you, Gabriel. Thank you for being a brother that I can count on.”

“You’re welcome. Now, let's go. Your soon-to-be-husband is rather impatient.” Gabriel snorted in amusement at his own joke as he led Cas away from the cliff and back towards the wedding site with his arm placed affectionately on Castiel's shoulder, guiding him towards his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I might put up one more for today


	13. The Things We Left Behind

Dean was standing under the trellis when Gabriel led Castiel back to the wedding grounds. He looked so nervous standing there. He was biting his lower lip as he tried not to let his inner excitement and fear show. Sam was standing to one side of him looking at him with a soft smile on his face. 

“It's go time. You got this.” Gabriel encouraged as he left Castiel's side to go and take his place up in the front.

Cas gulped once he was alone. He was standing at the end of the decorated red aisle, and he was looking down the winding road of fabric towards Dean. 

Dean had been staring down at the ground in a nervous wait, but now he lifted his eyes up to meet Castiel's. He gave him a small encouraging smile from across the aisle. He looked so youthfully happy in that moment, and his joy soon spread to Cas.

Within a few seconds Castiel was sharing Dean's uncontrollably growing smile. That was it. That was all the reassurance he needed. This was right. This was what was supposed to be, no matter what Michael said of it. This was the way that Cas was supposed to spend his life - with Dean. Michael was wrong. Castiel was worth the world in Dean's eyes, and the feeling was mutual. They found each other, and now. they knew that this was meant to be. 

Cas kept that same obnoxiously happy smile on his face as he walked down the aisle. All eyes were on him, and usually that would have bothered him, but it did not. He did not even notice. He was too focused on Dean to even see the curious and excited gazes that rested on him. Dean and Cas never broke eye contact the entire ceremony, but said connection became much stronger when they were only a few inches apart underneath the trellis. They were lost in each other's eyes nearly the entire time. Castiel's irises were a vast sky of emotions and beauty. It was like Dean could see all of heavens in them. They shined so radiantly that he had referred to them as angel eyes before, and he had meant that. Castiel's eyes were a kind of soft blue that one really could fly into and never come back.

Dean insisted that Castiel's eyes were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, but the latter begged to differ. He thought that Dean's vibrant green eyes were by far the most fascinating gaze he had ever looked into. Said man’s eyes were a forest of hidden emotion and love, but it was mostly all in the open now. There seemed to be more light in them now, as if the sunlight had finally shined upon the forest. 

The ceremony went on while they were standing there entranced. It was not until the 'I do’s’ came that they actually snapped out of it, and even then they were still barely even there. 

There were people crying as they watched them - Kevin especially. They looked so in love that it was tear-worthy. Gabriel and Sam were both silently crying at the sight of their brothers finally finding the love they deserved. They were all smiling, every single guest. It was inevitable. Even Ruby, who had never seen eye to eye with Dean, was smiling at the sight. It was truly beautiful, and even she had to see that. 

The sealing kiss took place moments after, and that sent the whole crowd into an applauding uproar. It was a passionate one, as if Cas and Dean had both been waiting to do that the entire ceremony. Dean's arms flung instinctively around Castiel's waist, and Cas’ arms draped around Dean's shoulders. 

“It’s supposed to be one kiss, Dean.” Sam whispered teasingly as he leaned in towards his older brother.

Dean did not seem to hear him. He and Cas were somewhere else.

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Gabriel muttered as he rolled his eyes. “They're going to be like that for a while.”

Sam only smiled and chuckled in response. It was true; Cas and Dean would probably take a moment to come back to reality, but that was not necessarily a bad thing. They were so happy together that they could forget the world for a while, and that was a good thing in both Sam and Gabriel's minds.

It seemed like forever, but eventually the newly married couple separated their mouths. They still had their arms wrapped around each other, and they had their foreheads pressed together. 

“How was your first kiss as Castiel Winchester?” Dean breathed out softly.

“Heavenly.” Cas breathed while in a state of complete ecstasy.

Dean smiled. That was his husband now, and that seemed to be what was really heavenly. “Let's get this party started, shall we?” He whispered energetically, leaning close to his beloved’s ear. “Mr. Winchester.” He added in an affectionately flirtatious tone as he moved away from Castiel a little bit to motion for said man to step out in front of him.

Cas smiled like a child who had been given unlimited access to a candy store, and he could not seem to keep that smile from dominating his features. “I would love to, Mr. Winchester.” He returned without any stuttering or hesitation and with just as much affection but not as much flirtation - although that was there too. Cas took Dean's hand and they walked down the aisle together. They were met with tears and shouts of joy as they walked down the lane towards their future life. The moment was so hyped up, but there seemed to be nothing better than being together and knowing that they would always be there for each other. Nothing could have been better than holding hands proudly displaying each other as their perfect new husbands. It was a feeling of love, joy, pride, and excitement, and that feeling was coursing through both Dean and Castiel's veins. They were finally together, and nothing could change that.

Or that was the thought. Castiel and Dean had only made it about halfway down the aisle when they were halted in place by a new guest. He came seemingly out of nowhere, but he was there all right. Towards the back end of the aisle, behind all of the seats, stood Michael with some strangely dark look in his eyes. He looked sincerely upset, and it was impossible to tell if it was out of anger or sadness. 

“Castiel!” He shouted as he waved his arms around dramatically. There was something off about his vibe entirely. He was not quite right. That was not quite Michael. Then again, how long ago was it that he actually was Michael?

The happy couple froze in place. Dean moved a protective arm in front of Cas as he took on a defensive glare as if daring Michael to even try anything. Gabriel immediately went to move up to Castiel's side, and Sam soon went to do the same, but upon seeing their movement, Michael pulled out a hand gun and waved it at them threateningly. “I will shoot you! I will shoot all of you of you if don't stay in place!” He demanded in a voice completely lacking human reason. It was gone. Whatever bit had been in there was gone.

“Michael…” Castiel's voice came out as a broken, pleading whimper.

“No!” Michael screamed with a certain bit of franticness in his voice. He had this off tone to his voice. He did not even sound like Michael anymore. “Don't even talk to me, Castiel! I don't want to hear it!” His left eye twitched whenever he spoke, and they seemed to be almost bulging out of his head. “I hate you, Castiel! Why can't you see that?! You don't deserve happiness, not after everything you've done to me!” Michael scream irrationally as he flailed the gun about.

“Michael, please. Put the gun down…” Gabriel tried gently from where he was frozen still about ten feet behind Cas and Dean.

“Shut up, Gabriel!” Michael then pointed the gun at Gabriel, who quieted for the moment. “This isn't about you! I didn't want it to be, but you chose him.” Hespat bitterly as he glared over at Cas. “You chose the freak who ruined our lives!”

Gabriel's face softened into an expression of pure pain. “He's not a freak, Michael. He's just different, and there's nothing wrong with that.” He defended his little brother as he took a few cautious steps towards Michael, who said nothing in response to Gabriel's drawing in closer. He took that as his cue to continue. “He didn't ruin anything. Dad was a lousy father. That had nothing to do with Cas. Your social standing was not his fault either. That was all on you, and it's about time you accepted some responsibility for that.” Gabriel lectured Michael as he drew closer. He was now only about a foot away from Cas and Dean, who were still standing there horrified and frozen with fear.

Michael waved his gun at Gabriel again. “Stay there!” He warned. “I don't want to shoot you, but I will if I have to. I'm not here for you. I'm here for payback.” He growled as he aimed the gun at Castiel. “I'm doing the world a favor by getting rid of him.” He spoke with an undisguised twisted hatred.

“No.” Gabriel's eyes widened in disbelief as he saw where the gun was pointed. “Michael, don't do that, please! You'll never forgive yourself.” He begged desperately.

“Oh I'll do way more than forgive myself. I'll be a hero.” Michael said as he locked and loaded the gun with it shakily aimed at Cas.

“No. You're not a hero of any kind.” Dean spoke up for the first time with his arm still in front of Cas protectively. “Your one sick guy of you think killing your own little brother is a good deed.”

“Move away from him.” Michael demanded of Dean as he waved the gun. “Step away from him now.” 

“So that you can shoot him? No thanks. I just got this husband, and I'm not letting you take him now. People like Cas are hard to come by.” Dean half-joked as he remained by Castiel's side. Jokes were implanted in Dean's nature, and thus they were still a defense mechanism that came out when needed.

Michael growled as his shaky hands slipped around with the trigger of the gun. Finally, he was able to steady himself enough to make the movement to release that bullet. The ammunition went flying into Dean's right shoulder, knocking him right to the ground. The impact of his head hitting the terrain below was enough to knock him out. He helplessly lay on the ground as his consciousness slipped away.

“Dean!” Cas screamed as Dean landed with a thud. “Dean!” He shouted again, hoping for some kind of response. 

“He wasn't listening.” Michael muttered.   
“Stop it!” Cas screamed as fresh tears began to stain his face. 

“Not until you're dead.” Michael insisted darkly as he aimed yet again.

He shot with a steadier hand this time, and he had aimed right for Castiel's heart. It was a fatal shot. That was a shot meant to kill. However, it did not hit him. Gabriel had flung himself on top of Cas at the last minute to stop the bullet from hitting him, and just in time too. Castiel was unharmed other than being crushed by Gabriel, who had fallen on top of him.

“T-thank you…” Cas stuttered in complete shock as he went to sit up, but he could not. Gabriel was on top of him unconscious.

Castiel heaved Gabriel off of him with some effort, but as soon as he did, he saw that the bullet had gone right into the slight left of Gabriel's chest - right near his heart. “N-no. No. No. No” He started repeating over and over again. He could not lose Dean and Gabriel. They were all he had. He needed them.

Michael screamed in frustration. “You don't even die right! You really do bring down everyone around you. Just do everyone a favor and die already!” He shouted as he took up his aim for a final time. 

Cas sobbed uncontrollably as he leaned over Gabriel's unconscious body. He didn't care if Michael shot him. That would be a blessing at that point. “D-Dean. Gabriel.” He stuttered as he looked from Dean's body a few feet away and back towards Gabriel. “Wake up, p-please.” Cas begged as he poked Gabriel's shoulder. “D-Dean, please. You can't leave.” Cas reached over and grabbed Dean's hand as if waiting for him to grab it back. “You can't…” He broke down sobbing as he held Dean's hand in his own and held it up to his face. He clutched onto it as if it were the only thing in the world.

“Stop crying you worthless-” Michael began vehemently, before he was hit over the head with a flower vase from behind.

Michael went falling to the ground, and behind him was Meg with a small glare on her face. “Take that you sick puppy.” She replied snarkily. “No body messes with my unicorn.” 

“Dean!” Sam shouted as soon as Michael had passed out. He ran to Dean's side to check his pulse. “He's got a pulse! We've got to get them out of here now!” Sam ordered in a panicked state.

“I'm on it.” Meg replied immediately as she called emergency services. “The ambulance will be here in a minute. Until then, I'll take care of them.” She declared with a business like seriousness, which was uncommon for her, but perhaps the grave situation had changed that.

Sam nodded his head as he backed away to let Meg do her work. Tears filled his eyes as he watched her work over his brother. He couldn't believe it. This was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives, but now Dean and Gabriel were dying on the wedding aisle. It seemed wrong and twisted. It was like some cruel twist of fate. 

Cas refused to leave the sides of his brother and his husband. He continued to clutch onto Dean's hand and refused to let go. 

“Cas, it will be a lot easier if you would step away.” Meg tried to be as soft and kind as she could be, even though it was contrary to her nature. 

“No.” Castiel clung onto Dean's hand as he muttered into it. “I won't leave.” His husband’s hand was covered in his tears, but Cas still kept it close to him, no matter how gross it got.

“Cas.” Sam tried to gently reason with him. “They need space to help Dean.”

“Dean needs me.” Cas protested firmly. Or was it vice-versa? In reality it was a mixture of the two. They needed each other, even in that moment.

“I'll work around him.” Meg said with an eye roll as she then focused all of her attention on the task at hand. Hopefully, she would be enough until the ambulance arrived.

\------------------

Nobody really remembered what happened after that. Everything was a blur. Cas was too out of it to even notice anything going on around him. He clung onto Dean's hand, using it as a comfort object since he refused to leave the sides of either his brother or his new husband.

Sam was dazed by the whole situation. He rode in the back of the ambulance with his head in his hands trying to digest the events, but they did not sit well with him. It had all happened too fast, and it was too devastating to really accept as real. He was perplexed. Dean could die. He was alive, but he could die. Gabriel was slipping further away from life with every passing second. One minute they were happy, and the world seemed to finally be allowing things to go their way, but then moments later their joy was shattered by an insane man with a handgun. 

The ambulance rushed into the hospital with an urgent roar, and Dean and Gabriel were both rushed to the emergency room. They had to physically pull Cas off of Dean, and he was screaming the entire time.

“He needs me! Don't take him! Dean! Gabriel!” Castiel had hot tears running down his face as he screamed and pushed away all of the nurses who tried to get him away so that they could operate. There was no rationalizing with him anymore. The nurses promptly gave him an anaesthetic, and Sam carried him out into the hallway to lay him down in a chair. Cas looked strangely peaceful like that. After his previous breakdown, his tranquil sleep seemed to be quite a contrast, even if it was a forced slumber. 

Sam's head tilted back against the wall as he sat in the unnaturally silent hospital hallway. Suspense was his greatest enemy at that moment. Dean and Gabriel had not been in a great condition. Sam was not a doctor, but the shot that Gabriel sustained was a deadly one, and if Meg had not been there, then he almost definitely would have died. However, Sam could not be certain as to of Dean's condition. All he knew was that Dean had been shot and his head had hit the ground. He hoped that the bullet had missed anything vital, and he wished the same for Gabriel as well. It was a slim hope, but maybe the bullet had missed Gabriel's heart. All he could really do was hope - hope that the world had some mercy and compassion, but that seemed to be a foolish dream. It did not matter, however, because it was all they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't throw too much hate at me. Criticism is welcome just as much as compliments though. Thanks for reading!


	14. Broken Together

It was hours before they got any sort of news, but the majority of the wedding guests had come to wait in the downstairs waiting room. They had not wanted remain in the hallway with Sam because they wanted to give him some space. The only one who actually went there was Jess, and she sat in silence for the most part with a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder. 

Castiel was beginning to return to reality, or at least to consciousness - reality was still a stretch, and he seemed to be slowly emerging from his sleep. “Dean…” He grumbled his first word as he moved around in his sleep a little bit with his eyes still sealed shut. “Dean.” He repeated with a little bit more urgency. “Dean. Gabriel.” He shot up as the names spilled forth from his tongue. That was it. He realized where he was and what was going on, and it was enough to send him springing forth in his seat. His eyes were wide and afraid when he sat up, and he took the whole place in urgency. The way that he looked at the hospital hallway made it seem like he was being threatened, almost as if the room could swallow him whole.

“It's okay, Cas.” Sam soothed with as much assurance as he could manage. He was so afraid for Dean and Gabriel, but he had to be there to calm down Cas. “The doctors are helping them right now.” 

Castiel's gaze spun around to meet Sam's, but the former’s eyes seemed wild and frantic like a deer in a headlight. “W-where?” He demanded in a softer tone that ebbed with fear.

“In the emergency room. They've got the best possible people helping them.” Sam assured in a voice that was getting increasingly shaky with every passing minute. 

Jess gave Sam's arm a comforting squeeze. “They'll help them.” She assured both men. “There's nothing else we can do.”

Cas leaned back in his chair and began to stare at the ground as if he had just seen a ghost. “I want to help them.” He muttered in a defeated tone.

“I know, but sometimes we just have to accept that we can’t control everything. Sometimes hope is just the only option.” Jess’s voice was gentle and steady as she spoke.

Cas nodded his head slowly and grudgingly. He did not want to admit it, but Jess was right. He really could not do anything more to help his family. All he could do was sit by, watch, and hope for the best. 

They were interrupted by the entrance of the same doctor who had healed Castiel when he was in a coma. He came in with the same steady, unmoving gaze. He held his clipboard in his hands as he turned to stand in front of the three stressed visitors in the hallway. “I have news.” He stated blandly.

“Is it…” Sam hesitated as he questioned whether or not he wanted to ask his question; he may have been too afraid of the answer. “Good news?” He asked with a heartbreakingly hopeful voice.

The doctor fixed his empty gaze on the brunette as he spoke in his monotone. “Some of it, not all.”

Sam rubbed his eyes. He had expected as much. Nothing could just be good; there had to be bad that went with it. They could never just be happy; there always had to be some complication. “What’s the good news?” He asked, trying to force his voice to sound strong, but it was progressively weakening, and almost faded.

“Dean Winchester has showed signs of improvement. We were able to remove the bullet, and it did not hit anything too vital. He should be able to pull through. He’s asleep right now, but I imagine he will be awake in no time.” The doctor looked at Dean’s profile as he spoke, and he was now flipping through it.

“And… The bad news?” Sam practically choked out. He could feel his whole body shaking with fear, and he tried desperately to contain it, but he could not. Jess grabbed onto his hand to give it a tight squeeze, assuring him that he was not alone.

“He has some brain damage from the fall he took. We have not yet calculated the exact degree of the damage, but it is most likely mild at least, and it is more probable for it to be moderate.” The doctor lacked any kind of empathy at that moment as he finished the summary of Dean’s case. 

Sam nodded. Of course there was bad news. It was inevitable, but at least Dean was alive. Anything else they could work through.

“What about Gabriel?” Cas spoke up for the first time since the doctor entered the room. Castiel was staring up at him with pleading puppy dog eyes, as if begging the doctor to save Gabriel too.

“Ah, yes.” The doctor began to flip through his clipboard until he came across Gabriel’s case. “It would appear that the bullet actually went right through him. It did too much damage to his heart. He died almost immediately after arriving. I assumed that someone had told you.” He stated, completely neutral.

Cas lost feeling of the world around him. Nothing was real. Nothing. It couldn’t be. He could not accept that. Gabriel could not be dead. He was alive just a few short hours ago. He was happy and proud. He could not leave. Gabriel was the only good brother that Cas had. He refused to believe it. 

“No. He’s not. You’re lying.” Castiel whispered as his eyes stayed pried open and his gaze locked on the floor.

“I don’t lie. It’s the truth. That’s what happens.” The doctor replied tastelessly.

“He can’t be dead. He’s my brother. He’s supposed to be there for me. He can’t…” Cas began to cry uncontrollably. 

“It happens all of the time. That is life.” The doctor was staring down at his paperwork and did not even bother to meet his gaze.

“Go.” Sam almost demanded as he saw Cas mentally breaking down. “Please.” He added with as much compassion as he could muster. It was hard to do so seeing as the man seemed to have no sense of empathy himself.

The doctor complied without another word. He left the room unchanged from the time he entered.

“Cas…” Sam tried to find a comforting tone for Castiel, but it seemed almost impossible. It was shocking to Sam too. Gabriel had grown to be family to him, and it seemed to be earth shaking to find out that he was dead and no one had even told them. He swallowed hard as he took in the image of Cas crumbling to pieces in front of him. He wanted to help, but he did not know how. “We… We can be okay, Cas. I’m here for you, and Dean will get better too.”

“No.” The word did not even seem to be human anymore once Cas uttered it. It was so pained that it sounded like it was coming from an animal that had been run over by a truck. Castiel’s wide gaze remained fixed on the floor, but it now seemed broken. It looked lighter than usual, like shattered glass. “Not Gabriel.” He choked out in the most strained voice that Sam had ever heard.

“Cas…” That was the only word that Sam could find while he was looking at him. He moved cautiously forward as if he were uncertain of what Cas could do in that state. He reached out to put a comforting hand on his brother-in-law’s shoulder, but Castiel jerked away. 

Cas looked up at Sam with wild eyes. “No.” He repeated. “He’s lying. Gabriel would not leave me. Don’t believe him! He’s a liar!” His face distorted in rage as he glared up at Sam accusingly. 

“I’m sorry, Cas, but he has no reason to lie. Gabriel’s gone. I’m sorry, but it’s true.” Sam’s voice came out twisted with emotion. He did not want it to be true either, but he had to accept that eventually. 

“No!” Castiel screamed as he raced away from Sam and burst into the room where Gabriel was taken to hours ago. Surely enough, he was there. He was in a hospital bed hooked up to machines similar to the ones that Cas was attached to during his comatose state. The difference was those machines were completely black. They were turned off completely. 

Castiel’s eyes widened even further at the sight, and one could think that his eyeballs might fall out of his skull, but he was not that fortunate. Gabriel was lying there completely motionless with scarlet staining his clothes. Despite the bloody appearance, Gabriel still looked peaceful. His eyes were delicately closed, and it was almost as if he were sleeping. 

Castiel stumbled into the room with his eyes locked on Gabriel. “G-Gabe?” His voice was little more than a whisper. It sounded so strained and afraid as he approached the operating table that his older brother was still laid out on. “Gabe?” He tried again as he reached it.

There was no response. The entire room was silent, and Castiel could not take it. “Gabriel?” He tried as desperation crept into his voice. “Get up! Say something, please! I don’t care what; just say something! You promised you’d always be there for me!” He pleaded with tears rolling down his face.

He felt his legs give out underneath him after he received no response. He began to sob uncontrollably as his upper body fell on top of the operating table. He was crying into the shirt of Gabriel’s dead body. He was silent for the rest of the time that he was in there. He was once again lost for words. Actually, he was lost in general. He had always had Gabriel beside him. Gabriel had been there for him much longer than anyone else, but now he was not. Now Castiel was stranded without the comfort and guidance of his older brother, who had practically raised him. He could not even begin to fathom what was going on. His loss was too great, and it shattered him into a million pieces. He tried to formulate other words, but none would come. All that came was gross sobbing.

Sam loomed in the doorway. He did not know what to do. The sight was heartbreaking, but he felt powerless to fix it. He felt like anything he did would only make the situation worse, but he felt terrible just standing there. He forced himself to be brave and try to help. He crept into the room and placed a gentle hand on Castiel’s back. “It’s okay, Cas. Everything will be okay.” Sam tried to soothe him.

“Okay?!” Cas managed to choke out. “This is not okay!” He shrieked as he spun around to face Sam with hot tears rolling down his face. “Gabe is gone…” He broke down, the rest of his body crumpling to the ground. Cas was on the floor with his hands buried in his face while he cried.

“I know, but things get better. I promise they will, Cas. It just takes time.” Sam assured him.

“It won’t. Gabriel made things better. He was the one who fixed things. Now everything is broken.” Cas choked into his hands, which only proved his point. Sam could easily see that Castiel was broken, and he was unsure if he could fix him. Sam had thought that Cas was shattered after losing his mother, but this was worse. Castiel seemed crippled beyond repair. Sam said nothing else. There was nothing else to say. His words seemed to only make matters worse, so he stood over Castiel just to show him that he was not alone.

\--------------------------------

 

They came to take Gabriel’s body away about half an hour later. They physically had to pull Castiel away. The entire time he was screaming for them not to take his older brother away because he needed him. They had to sedate Cas again. Sam dragged him out of the room, and he took him with him into the room where Dean was sleeping. The doctor had said that Dean would be awake soon. It was really only a matter of waiting.

Sam propped Cas into a chair by Dean’s bedside and sat himself in one next to it. He assumed that seeing Dean again would calm Castiel down a bit. He only hoped that his brother woke up first, so Cas would not freak out and think that Dean was dead.

For once, Sam’s hopes came true. Dean was awake in about an hour. The brunette brightened as soon as he saw his brother begin to stir from his sleep. “Dean?” He asked with a voice brimming with hope and pain.

“Sam?” Dean groaned as his eyes began to flutter open. 

“I’m here, Dean. It’s Sam.” Sam responded eagerly as he leaned forward in his seat.

There was a pause as Dean tried to force his eyes open before he spoke, but he eventually managed to open his eyes about halfway. He let out a sigh of relief as his gaze rested upon his unconscious husband. “Cas is okay.” He murmured.

“Cas is… Sure. Cas is fine.” Sam bit his tongue before he told Dean the truth. He had just woken up; he did not need to be burdened with that knowledge yet.

The elder Winchester’s eyes opened up more fully as he took in the image of Castiel. He looked so peaceful and carefree. “I’m glad to see that he’s sleeping. Thanks for looking after him, Sam.” Dean’s voice was a soft and affectionate whisper.

Sam gulped hard. He could not help but to feel guilty. He had not really taken great care of Castiel. Although, in all fairness taking care of Cas at that time was not really an easy job. As a matter of fact, it was almost impossible. Castiel’s mental state only seemed to be worsening. “Yeah, well I think that he needs you right now. I don’t think I’m enough.” Sam muttered darkly as he too rested his gaze on Castiel, but his gaze was not filled with love and affection; it was filled with concern and pity.

“I’m awake now. There’s nothing for him to worry about.” Dean sounded clearly confused. He had not seen Gabriel get shot. He was unconscious at that point. He did not know, and now Sam had to tell him.

Sam sighed painfully. “Dean…” He began, but he wished that he did not have to finish that sentence. “Gabriel’s dead.”

Dean’s eyes were fully open now and even more so; they widened to nearly twice their size. “What?! How?!” 

“Shh…” Sam jerked his head towards Castiel as he hushed Dean. “Don’t wake him up. He’s having a hard enough time already.” 

Dean lowered his voice back down to a soft whisper. “But… how?” He asked, baffled. Dean’s thoughts were racing. Gabriel had been alive the last time he saw him. He had been so happy for them, but now Gabriel was dead? He had just become Dean’s brother-in-law, and now he lost him. The thought was overwhelming.

“Michael shot him after he shot you. He took a bullet for Cas.” Sam informed him.

Dean’s eyes went wide once more in disbelief. “He’s gone? And all because Michael had a hissy fit?” He sounded disgusted as he spoke, but Sam said nothing in response. “I hope they lock him up forever. I hope he never sees daylight again.” 

Sam shook his head. “He’ll probably be sent to mental institution. They’ve diagnosed him with schizophrenia and post traumatic stress disorder.” 

Dean gritted his teeth. “So what? He lives a comfy cozy life in a mental hospital? He gets away with killing a man?! His own brother?!” His anger began to build, and as it did, his voice rose.

“I know, but there’s nothing we can do about it. All we can do is be here for Cas, and right now that means being quiet.” Sam reminded him gently.

Dean nodded. He understood what Sam was trying to say. Cas was going to take this harder than anyone, and he would need them there to be calm and comforting. They could not be worked up, otherwise Castiel would have noone to lean on. “I get it, but do you mind…?” Dean’s gaze drifted towards his peacefully sleeping husband, and Sam knew immediately what he wanted.

“Right. I agree.” Sam said briskly as he lifted Castiel up - Dean was probably still too weak in his injured shoulder to do so. Sam laid Castiel gently onto the bed where Dean then wrapped his good arm around him to pull him into him. 

Dean kissed the top of Castiel’s forehead as if silently saying, I’ve got you, Cas. Don’t worry. I’m here.

\----------------------------------

Cas slept peacefully in Dean’s arms for a few hours. There was the slightest of content smiles on Castiel’s face as he lay in the warmth and security of Dean’s body. Sam had gone out to get some sleep himself - Dean had ordered his brother to take care of himself, and Sam felt it best not to argue with him. Now, Dean and Cas were alone. Dean had his head propped up on his husband’s as he kept his gaze focused on the far wall. He had been there for hours now, and he was still trying to allow the events of the wedding to soak in. Michael came in. He had schizophrenia that he had developed from his time in service. He shot Dean and Gabriel. Michael would not go to jail. He would spend his days in a mental institution. Gabriel was dead; he died for Castiel, and now Castiel was apparently broken. Sam had made it all sound so wretched and unfixable, and Dean could only hope that his brother was wrong. All common sense screamed confirmations of Sam’s statements, but Dean refused to let them be right. He could not bring back Gabriel, but he could see to it that Castiel healed. He was not going to let Cas fall apart.

“Dean?” Castiel’s sweet and soft voice interrupted Dean’s thoughts.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean replied equally soft and sweet as he stroked Castiel’s head.

“Where are we?” Cas asked confused. He must not have remembered what had happened, and Dean wondered how much Castiel had forgotten.

“My hospital room.” Dean said as gently as he could, but the word was not easily spoken ever since Castiel’s accident.

Cas shot up in the bed and looked around frantically as he remembered why he was in the hospital. “Gabriel.” He muttered frantically.

“Shh.” Dean soothed as he pulled Castiel back into him. “I know, Cas. I know.” 

Cas tried to pull away from Dean’s hold. “They took him! They took my brother. They can’t do that. I need him!” He pleaded as he tried to squirm his way out of Dean’s arms, but Dean held onto him firmly and instead began to rock him back and forth.

“I know you do, Cas, but we can’t change what happened.” Dean hushed as he began to hum. Castiel was always calmed by humming. He hummed to himself whenever he was sad or content. Humming was just a way of showing happiness or forcing it, and in this case it was the latter.

Cas began to cry again as he went limp in Dean’s arms. “I don’t know what to do without him. I don’t know how to live without him. He has always been there for me, and now…” He was cut off by his own crying.

“I’m here for you, Cas, and so is Sam. We may not be Gabriel, and I know we can’t replace him, but we are here for you. We’ll help you.” Dean assured him as he rested his head on top of Castiel’s. Cas had sunk down into his arms, and he was now shaking as sobs racked his body. Castiel said nothing else. He just lay there, limp and trembling. Dean was the one thing grounding him to reality at the time. Dean was his shelter, and at that time, he was relying so heavily on it to protect him from the outside world of hurt. Hopefully, Dean would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	15. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. Thanks for reading this whole time!

Castiel never left Dean's side, and it was hard to tell if it was from fear or grief, or perhaps it was a combination of both, but whatever the reason, Cas clung onto Dean for dear life, and Dean clung right back. He refused to let Castiel fall into a never ending pit of grief, and so he stuck by him the whole time they were in the hospital and even beyond that.

They were only in the hospital for another week or so because Dean's injury had, thankfully, not been fatal. The only thing they were concerned about was his possible brain damage, and even that turned out to be only mild. He was a little bit slow in speech, and he had some short term memory problems, but it was not as bad as it could have been. Dean got out lucky. He had to wear a sling for a few more months, but he was alive. He would make it out of that hospital, Unlike Gabriel. 

Castiel and Dean spent all of their time together, but it was not in the kind of way that most newly married couples would. They spent hours together in silence just holding each other. Whenever they talked, it was only about the very small things. Castiel was still not entirely present in the world, but he was better around Dean. He was not completely better, but at least he was not bursting out into violent rages or crying fits. He still cried, but it was into Dean, and that made it safer.

Things went on like that for a while. They returned to Dean's apartment seeing as Cas could not tolerate being at his and Gabriel's apartment. Cas had practically lived in Dean's apartment anyway. The purchasing of their new home had been put off because of the recent tragedy, but they still wanted to go through with it.

Sam felt even more unwanted in the apartment now. Cas and Dean hardly even spoke, and they never really spoke to him. They hardly even acknowledged that he was there. On the rare occasion that Cas left the room for a moment, Dean would say a few words to Sam, but it was never real conversation, and he never seemed to be truly present. That was how Sam knew that Gabriel's death had not just shattered Cas, but it had in turn destroyed Dean, and now it was starting to destroy him. He hated seeing his once lively brother reduced to a silent comfort object. 

Sam tried to stay out of the apartment even more now, and that meant spending a lot more time with Jess. He would be going to Stanford with her in a few months anyway. He figured that he might as well get used to his time away from home.

Dean and Cas were alone one day curled up on the couch. That had become their usual position. They would lay together on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. Sometimes they would watch television, but most of the time they were just silent. That was the only thing they could really manage. Talking hurt. Talking led to feelings, and feelings led to memories, and memories nearly always led to Gabriel. Cas had nightmares about his beloved brother, and he would wake up screaming nearly every night. Dean had become accustomed to soothing him after such instances and just holding him until he was calm again.

Gabriel's funeral was over a month ago, but things did not seem to be getting too much better. It had been a scarring day for Castiel. He had gotten out of his seat and forced his way past Dean until he got to Gabriel's casket, and there he stood over it yelling at him to get up and come back to him. His anger built and built, but then it subsided and he fell down to the ground again in a broken heap. Dean and Sam had to carry him away, but the whole time he was screaming for them to stop. He screamed at them to let him stay with Gabriel. It got worse when they tried to bury him. Cas lost it at the sight. He started shrieking that Gabriel could not breathe and that they could not do that to him. It took hours for Cas to calm down after that, and even as they sat in the apartment over a month later, he was still shaking from the experience.

“Cas…” Dean began, his tone experimentally soft.

“Mhm?” Cas hummed instead of verbally answering him.

“Do you… Would you like to get the lake house now? We've got enough. I think Sam could use the apartment back.” Dean reasoned as he began to run his fingers through Castiel's short hair.

Cas thought about it for a moment. It was something that he had not entirely considered ever since Gabriel's death. He wanted that. That was his dream, and his dream made him happy, and that was what Gabriel always wanted. With that reasoning, Castiel found it nearly impossible to reject the idea. “I want to. I think it's what Gabriel would want for me.” He uttered very quietly.

Dean nodded. “I think so too, Cas. I think he'd want us to be happy in our dream house. I don't think he'd want us stuck in the apartment moping all day.” 

Castiel's face softened in worry. He had not really thought that perhaps Gabriel would not have wanted him to grieve for that long. The thought had never occurred to him before, and now he was concerned that he had gone against Gabriel's will. “Do…Do you think he would be mad at me?” Castiel's voice echoed all of his fear as his big blue eyes began to widen.

“No. I think he'd understand. He knew would that you would just need some time.” Dean replied evenly as he began to hum again in order to calm Castiel's fears.

Cas began to immediately melt back into Dean as soon as he heard the gentle hum. “I'm ready.” He declared with as much certainty as he could manage.

“Me too.” Dean whispered into his ear. He had waited so long to hear those words. He had hoped that Castiel would be able to move on, and now that was starting to happen, and that would start with their dream house.

\--------------------

They bought the lake house pretty soon after that. They were actually excited about it. It felt weird to feel excited about something for once. Neither one had really experienced that feeling since Gabriel's death, and it was starting to feel good.

They were going to move into the house that day. It was only about twenty yards away from their favorite spot at the cliff, and it had the perfect view. It had a hammock, and Dean was thinking about getting a cat to go with it. It was their dream house, and they were finally going to get it.

All of the things had been moved up before except for a few bags of clothing, which were currently in the back of the Impala as Dean drove Castiel towards their new home.

They pulled into the driveway of lake house, and neither of them could keep their excitement down. The house was even more beautiful in person than it had been in the magazine. It was medium-sized with a wooden balcony that overlooked the lake. The outside was a very light blue, which was almost white, and the front porch was a light gray. There was a freshly cut lawn upfront, but in back was the sand and the lake. There was a dock floating about twenty feet away from the shore. The hammock hung in between two nearby trees a few feet away from the water. There was a fire pit that looked like it had not been used in ages. On the balcony, a large, white wooden swing overlooked the lake. It seemed so perfect, and that was only the outside. 

Dean was brimming with excitement as he entered the house to look at the inside. It was everything he had imagined and more. As soon as he entered, he was met with a large room with his sofa from his apartment and the coffee table. It was a large living room space with darker blue walls and boxes cluttered around, seeing as they had not unpacked yet. There was a large window in the back of the room that illuminated the place with light. Another supporting window was on the other side of the room. It was closed off once he reached the open doorway that led into the smaller kitchen. It had everything that they needed, and it seemed quaint. It was not extravagant and superfluous; it was perfect the way it was. There was no room specifically marked as a dining room, so Dean decided that they would just have to make do with eating in the living room. They could fit a table and chairs in there if they really wanted to, but Dean and Cas ate on the couch so often that he did not even think it would be necessary.

There was a bathroom and a storage closet in the downstairs as well as a small study type of area with numerous bookshelves. They had put Dean's practically unused desk in there, and he mentally decided that could be their study for when Cas wanted to read or be alone. There were only a few rooms upstairs. Two of which were bedrooms, one the master and one a guest, and then there was a bathroom in the upstairs as well. That was it. The house was not too large, but it was nice. It had everything they ever wanted, and that was what counted. They had each other, and they were finally given their shot at happiness.

“What do you think?” Dean called happily over his shoulder to his husband who was following him around the house and taking in every detail. 

“It's perfect.” Cas decided affirmatively. He took in the whole place - their dream house. It was theirs, and no one could take it.

“I know.” Dean agreed breathless. “Want to go on the balcony?” He asked with a sly grin.

Cas gave him a shy nod as he grabbed onto Dean's hand to follow him out onto said balcony that overlooked the same lake that they had gazed upon so often.

Dean immediately went to sit down on the swing as soon as he saw it. He was a child at heart. He smiled and motioned for Castiel to join him, but Castiel's gaze had focused on the lake in front of him.

Cas was frozen still staring at the lake. He backed away in shock as the color of the lake changed from a clear blue to a dark thick red. It was blood. It was Gabriel's blood. His face distorted in fear and horror and he immediately ran inside.

“Cas?!” Dean shouted as he ran after his frightened husband. He found him on the couch, curled up in a ball and slowly rocking himself back and forth. His eyes were wide and terrified. He hardly seemed to notice that Dean had entered the room.

“Cas…?” Dean began with concerned fear edging his voice. “What's wrong. Please, Cas. Just tell me.” He begged as he sat down beside him. 

Castiel made no acknowledgement of Dean. He just sat there with his legs pulled up to his chest and repeating the same comforting motion.

“Cas!” Dean felt tears begin to form behind his eyes as he saw Castiel's mental state retreating to its prior state at the hospital. “Please!” He pleaded, reaching out and grabbing Castiel's face so he could look into his eyes.

Despite that, Cas still did not seem to see Dean. He began to hum something to himself. His humming began to build as thoughts of Gabriel's blood oozing from the lake filled his mind. His mind played cruel tricks on him. He saw Gabriel floating in that lake, surrounded by the crimson water. Gabriel was limp, but he was not peaceful like Cas had seen him in the hospital. Instead, his head was tilted back forcefully. His eyes were pried open, and they were dripping with blood. His mouth was agape as if he were trying to say something, but those words could not come. Gabriel was dead, and that rest equated to silence. It was all in Castiel’s mind, but that did not stop it from seeming horrifyingly real. 

“Cas…” Dean’s voice broke as he rested his forehead on top of Castiel’s. There was nothing he could do to snap Cas out of it. Something had triggered Cas. Maybe it was the fact that Gabriel died by the lake, but Dean could not be sure. He could not know what Castiel had seen, but he knew that it could not be good. Whatever it was, It was bad and dark, and it was a result of looking at the lake, and Dean automatically knew what that meant. 

“It’s okay, Cas.” He soothed. “We’ll leave. We don’t have to come back to the lake. I won’t do this to you.” It hurt Dean immensely to say that since that had been what they had dreamed of for so long, but there was no avoiding the reality. Their dream home had just become a nightmare. Castiel could not handle being by the lake; that was for certain, and that meant giving up their dream, but it did not matter. As long as Dean had Cas, he was fine. It did not matter if they were not in their ideal house. They could find a new one. All that mattered was their happiness, and now, they could never be happy in a house by the lake.

\------------------------------------

They drove past their cliff on the way out. Cas said nothing as they drove, but he did cast a small glance as they passed the place. The speed limit was very low, but Dean had also intentionally slowed down just so he could get one final look at their spot of hopes and dreams. They would be leaving that behind for good, and they both felt it reasonable to say goodbye. Dean came to a stop by the dirt road, but neither of them got out of the car for a while. Cas shot his gaze to the ground. He refused to look at the lake. He could not take it. That spot was even worse than the overview of the lake. That was where Gabriel had called him over right before the wedding. That was where he had last talked to Gabriel. They had been right underneath the tree. It was almost ironic. That tree that Castiel had carved that cat onto all that time ago was originally meant to make Dean happy and remind him not to be upset anymore. Now, it was a painful reminder of the joys of the past that were now too far from reach. Castiel’s own attempt at spreading happiness had come around to bite him back, and that made him want nothing more than to get out of that place.

Dean looked over the place once more. He took in the cliff edge where he and Castiel used to sit and talk with childish energy and ambition. He took in the crisp grass that they would occasionally lie in or eat picnics in. He took in the shining lake that reflected all of his dreams right back at him. He took in the clear hopeful sky that he and Cas would watch clouds or stars in. Finally, he took in the tree. That tree symbolized the Castiel he used to know - the Castiel that had made the world a lighter place. Cas was not the same person, and Dean knew that he never would be. The trauma had changed Castiel forever, and there was no undoing that. Castiel was so innocent back when he drew that cat with an ice cream cone. He had childishly drawn a figure that he thought could erase pain, and now he knew how wrong that was. Now he had grown up, and Dean did not like it. He missed the lively innocent gleam in Castiel’s eyes. He missed the youthful, shy way that Cas used to smile. He missed the sound of Castiel’s soft laughter. He missed the Castiel that was joyful. He missed the Castiel that had not yet fully faced the world , but it was too late to go back. Time was permanent. What had been done by time could not be undone by man.

\--------------------------

 

Years passed by and things progressively got better. However, they were never the same. Sam’s smile was never as soft. Dean’s laugh was never as carefree. Castiel’s eyes never shone the same way again. They were just never as vibrantly bright. Things could never be the same, and they all knew that. A member of their family was gone, and that made a gap in their lives, which left a gaping hole in each of them.

Lakes and almost all bodies of water were still taboo around Castiel, but he calmed down over time, and eventually his pain became one that he could carry with him as long as he had Dean to help him. Sam was doing well in school. He and Jess had recently gotten engaged, and Cas and Dean were both very excited for them.

Dean and Castiel had moved into a small house just outside of the city, which they found that they quite liked. It was not their dream house, but that seemed only to be some distant foolish ambition now. They were complacent with the house they had because they had made it their own. It had taken nearly a year before Castiel was able to do it, but eventually he was able to hang up a photo of Gabriel over the fireplace, and Dean had been so proud of him for doing so.

Now, Cas was standing alone watching Dean run about the field with their little girl. They had adopted her about a year ago after Castiel insisted that he wanted a child. It took a little bit of persuasion, but Dean eventually agreed. Dean had been afraid of being as terrible of a parent as John was, but it turned out that he was a great father; much better than John could have even dreamed of being. Cas smiled as he watched his five-year-old daughter run around giggling as her father chased her around with a bright smile.

“Daddy! Come play!” The little girl tugged at Castiel’s hand energetically as she looked up at him with large pleading blue eyes that were brimming with excitement.

A warm smile surfaced on Castiel’s face. “Okay. I’ll play in just a second.” He assured her in a gentle tone.

Dean walked over to join his husband and daughter as he caught his breath from all of the running around they had been doing, but a smile still dominated his face. “Hey. Are you joining us?” He lifted his eyebrow in a playful way as he approached Castiel.

“Of course.” Castiel returned Dean’s smile. “I just need a moment.” His tone was light as he spoke.

“Don’t be too long.” Dean whispered as he leaned in to wrap his arms around Castiel’s waist from behind and gaze him a soft brisk kiss before he turned back towards their daughter. “You ready for round two?” He copied her energy level.

“Yeah!” She shouted energetically as she began bouncing up and down.

“I’m going to win.” Dean pretended to warn her.

“No way! I’m winning!” She declared before running off again.

“No fair, Gabriella! You got a head start!” Dean whined in protest as he then followed after her.

Castiel wanted to roll his eyes at his husband’s childlike behavior, but he actually found it endearing, so it only brought forth a smile. “He never grew up.” Castiel commented. He focused his attention on the stone object in front of him. “But I love him for it. You know that, Gabe.” Cas addressed his older brother’s grave as his family ran around in the nearby field. “I’m so happy with him, but it’s not the same without you. I wish you were here. I miss you everyday, but… It’s gotten better, you know? There was one point when I thought it never would, but I was wrong. It’s not gone; it still hurts, but it’s to a much lesser degree. It’s like it’s a pain that I’ve gotten used to carrying. They make the load a lot lighter too. Sam is really kind, and he’s always there to listen. Jess is always willing to give me really good advice. Dean is amazing, and he lights up my life. He always knows how to make me smile; he’s been there for me, and I really owe my life to him, and Gabriella… Well… She keeps me on my toes. She’s a little bundle of energy and kindness. She has an attitude already. Dean and I were holding hands on our way here today, and she complained that we scared all of the birds away with all our ‘lovey-dovey mush’. She reminds me of you a lot, and… I was scared by that at first, but now I like it. I like having her around. It’s almost like having you back and repaying the favor I owe you. You took care of me, so I’ll take care of you. She’s not you, and I know that. You could never be replaced, but I love having her around. I love having all of them around. They are our family, and we all miss you.” Castiel finished it off by placing a gentle hand on Gabriel’s tombstone.

“Daddy! Come on!” The little girl encouraged as she ran only a foot away from Dean.

“Coming!” Castiel called back as he turned his attention from the grave momentarily. “I’ve got to go now, but I’ll be back. I’ll never forget you.” He promised solemnly. “Goodbye, Gabriel.” With that, he ran off with a smile to join his family in their game of tag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who read, commented, left kudos, and subscribed. It means a lot to me. Feel free to give me an overview of how you felt about the story. See, it wasn't all sad.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I love comments!


End file.
